


Untouchable and Unforgettable

by destinyofdreams



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mention of Minor and Major Character Death, Mild Language, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-23
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-01-26 06:59:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 51,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1678994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destinyofdreams/pseuds/destinyofdreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean shows up on foot into Castiel's life.  Dean spends the first weeks being taken care of by his guardian angel before they even meet face to face.  They both share a similar past and it helps bring them closer.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>***reminder there is no active character death in the story. Mentions of character death that takes place before the story begins (mostly flashbacks).  It takes place off screen but will be discussed.  I was advised to put the warning for peoples consideration***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Walk Right In

Dean was not sure how he ended up in a small town in Virginia but he welcomed the change.  His backpack had grown heavy from the last hour that he had walked.  The small restaurant came into view.  He licked his lips at the thought of food and water.  The restaurant was settled a few blocks from the bus station and a block from an old hotel, The Roadhouse Hotel and Bar, that needed a bit of TLC.  Dean trudged up to the restaurant.

“Hey there.  Welcome.  Sit anywhere you like,” a waitress with a tray advised as she moved to a table.

“Thank you,” Dean mumbled and walked to the table furthest away from the front.

Dean paused as he sat his backpack in the booth.  He felt eyes on him and he had already checked the parking lot to make sure there were no cop cars.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself.  Dean sat and tried not to look obvious while he searched for the person that watched him.  He saw no one.

Dean knew his appearance was a bit ruffled and tired but he tried to look like he belonged.  He ducked his head as he fished the contents from his pockets.  He checked the front of his backpack for more and sorted the contents on the table.  Dean separated the money and put the rest back in his backpack.  He groaned.  That meal would be his last until he found work for money.

“Hey shug, I’m Julie what can I getcha?” a bubbly brunette approached the table with her notepad.

“Hey Julie.  I’m not gonna lie.  I don’t think I can afford much.  I’ll have water,” Dean scooted the money toward her, “and whatever I can get with this.”

“You keep that until the end and I’ll go on and getcha a yummy meal.  Don’t you worry,” Julie winked at him and went back to place the order.

“Thank you ma’am,” Dean called after her.

Dean felt the eyes on him again.  Dean took the free time, grabbed his toiletry bag and went to the bathroom.  He scrubbed up as best as he could.  Dean checked his reflection and felt better.  He looked more presentable.  Dean rinsed his mouth out, applied fresh deodorant and went back to the table. He smiled down at the food that awaited him.  Dean looked up and saw Julie at the next table.  She winked and he gave a little wave.

Dean took his time as he ate.  It had been a couple of days since he had had a full meal and he did not want to make himself sick.  He had nowhere else to be and he did not want to get kicked out of the restaurant as soon as he was finished.  Dean watched the small crowd dwindle down.  The restaurant was more than a diner but not quite the size of the chain restaurants he had been in before.  It had the old timey feel but carried a modern design.  Dean realized he liked it because he did not feel too out of place.

Dean smoothed the bills that he had and stacked the change to keep his hands busy.  Julie stopped by and placed a cup of coffee next to his water.

“Looks like ya could use a pick me up,” Julie smiled down at him.

“Thanks.  Name’s Dean. And, uh, Julie, is there a place that I can put my feet up for the night?  Just need a few hours of sleep before I hit the road,” Dean took a sip of the coffee.

“Hm well Dean,” Julie slid in the seat across from him, “there’s a room available at the hostel down the way but that’s a mighty long walk.  Ya know, hmm,” Julie smiled mischievously, “are you willin’ to trade for a bed?”

“What do you mean? Like barter?”

“Yeah.”

“Definitely.  With be being low on cash bartering is more up my alley,” Dean smiled.  

“Great!” Julie jumped up from the seat, “I’ll let Benny know.  I’ll get ‘erything together.  You eat on up and I’ll be back.”

“Okay,” Dean looked after her confused.

Dean felt the weight of the stare again.  He did not acknowledge it as he continued on with his meal.  Julie popped back by a few minutes later with a few forms.

“So we’ve been short handed and we need a dishwasher.  Fill out these shug.  It’s part time work but Benny is friends with Bobby.  Bobby is married to Ellen who owns the Roadhouse Hotel and Bar I’m sure ya saw it on the way in.  She’s gonna put you up since you’ll be helping Benny out which frees up her daughter Joanna to return to work at Bobby’s front desk so she doesn’t have to do it herself,” Julie smiled with her blue eyes twinkling, “I know you said you were hittin’ the road soon but I figured it might be nice to dig your heels in for a while longer.”

“Wow.  Julie.  Thank you.  It seems this little job helps out a lot of people,” Dean smiled appreciatively at her.

“Yup.  Plus it’ll be good for ya, ya know, bein’ in the same place more than one night.”

“Thanks.  This is wonderful Julie,” Dean held her hand for a moment.

“I’m not really into dudes,” Julie smiled apologetically.

“Oh sorry no,” Dean pulled his hand back, “I didn’t mean it like that.  I’m just so grateful.”

“OH!”Julie snickered, “sorry.  Okay.  You’re welcome.  I’ll leave ya to it,” Julie rushed away embarrassed.

Dean shook his head and finished up his meal then started the paperwork.  Dean stood, gathered the money and paperwork and went to the cashier.

“I need to pay for my meal and turn in the paperwork.  Please,” Dean put on his best smile.

“Your meal has been paid for sweetheart,” Danna, he read her name tag, replied, “I’ll make sure Benny gets this.  I’ll put your contact number as the Roadhouse,” Danna penciled in the number.

“Did Julie pay for my meal?” Dean leaned against the counter as he pocketed the money.

“Nope,” Danna smirked.

“Really?” Dean stood up straight surprised, “then who?”

“Someone looking out for you,” Danna bit her lip to keep the giggle at bay.

“I should thank them,” Dean pulled out the bills, “give them this as a tip.”

“No can do champ.  They won’t accept it,” Danna’s smirk got bigger.

“Well Day-na tell them I said thanks,” Dean smiled.

“Danna like if Daniel and Jenna had a baby.  Danna not Day-na like Dana Carvey.  My dad thought it was cute,” she blushed.

“Sorry.”

“No worries.  I used to not like it but it’s different like me.  I will definitely pass on your thanks.”

“Thank you.”

“Well you best get goin’ Ellen should have everything set for you now,” Danna advised.

“I thought small town kindness was a myth but y’all are really showing me that it’s real.  I appreciate it.  I’ll be seeing ya ‘round.”

Dean went back around the corner to his table.  He stopped short.  A to-go bag was there with his name scrawled in maker in neat cursive.  Dean looked around.  No one was near his table.  A smile spread across his face.  He grabbed his backpack and the bag of food.  As walked to the front he felt the stare again.  He turned quickly and all he caught was the back of someone as they dashed around the corner.  Dark brown hair and about six feet tall.  Dean smiled and turned back around.

“Have a good day Dean,” Julie waved from another table.

“See ya Julie,” Dean waved.

Dean made his way up the block to Roadhouse.  He pushed the door opened and went to the main desk.  Dean waited a moment when no one appeared he rang the bell.  An attractive middle aged woman with eyes full of wisdom and a posture that meant she was no one to mess with came out of the office.

“Hi ya.  What I can do for ya?” Ellen smiled.

“Julie, no Benny or I guess Bobby sent me.  I’m Dean,” Dean fumbled.

“Ha!  Adorable.  Julie was right,” Ellen laughed, “come along this way,” she gestured with her hand.

Dean followed Ellen down the hall to the left of the desk.  He noticed the door to the bar as he made his way down the hall.  The inside of the Hotel and Bar was up to date, cleaned and orderly.  Dean wondered why the same amount of care had not gone to the outside.  As they walked Ellen explained the layout of the hotel, bar hours, listed staff members and gave a little history of the place.  When they made it to the last door she reached into her pocket and handed him the keys.

“It’s been a few months since it was occupied.  I had it cleaned and left the windows open to air it out.  I have three of these studios.  I kept one empty since none of the staff needed it.  Good thing to.   There’s one on the third floor and then a few doors around the corner is the other.  Castiel is in the one on this floor and Danna is in the one on the third floor.  If you need anything let me know.  Bathroom is stocked and I think laundry detergent is in there too.  Get some rest.  Benny’ll probably call tomorrow with some hours.  I’ll give him the number to your room.”

“Ellen,” Dean’s eyes filled with emotion, “thank you so much.”

“Ah honey,” Ellen hugged him, “you’re welcome.”

Dean watched Ellen go then turned to his new home he did not think he would ever have.  He put his stuff down and went to the back.  The kitchen/dining area had a small range, icebox, dinette for two, stacked washer and dryer, sink and microwave.  A few steps beyond was a sitting area with a couch, desk, and a TV on a stand.  He saw the bathroom and then a thin wall separated the bed.  The pocket door seemed to be broken.  Dean smiled excited for a home.

Dean stripped down and went to the shower.  He sighed as he shampooed his hair for the first time in months with real shampoo and not just soap or dishwashing liquid.  He scrubbed every inch until he felt clean.  Dean dried and realized he had no clean clothes.  He opened his backpack and pulled out his clothes.  Dean loaded the laundry after he cleaned out his pockets.  When he went back to his bag he noticed a seal envelope in the bottom.  He frowned and opened it.  Dean fell back on to his hunches as he counted the twenties.

“$280.  Where the hell did this come from?”


	2. Where Everyone Knows Your Name

Dean stared at the money unsure.  He thought back and the backpack had not been out of his sight for more than a few seconds.  Except when he was at the restaurant. Dean’s lips set in a thin line as he thought of how long her had been away from his bag each time.  Dean counted the money again and he noticed a folded piece of paper in the envelope.

_Getting out is the easy part._

_Living on the outside is tough._

_Please accept this money. I_

_have enough to share. Do not_

_return it.  Pay it forward when the_

_opportunity comes._

Dean sat unmoving.  It was the same elegant writing that had labeled his to-go bag.  Dean immediately had the hunch that it was the dark haired stranger that continued to watch him.  Dean placed the money in the hidden zipper compartment in his bag and put it out of his mind.  He moved to the bed and lay down.  He got up after the washer stopped and moved the clothes to the dryer.  Dean dropped the towel and climbed in the bed.  His eyes were closed in no time.  Safety and peace lulled him to sleep.

****

Dean woke to a shrill ringing.  It took him a moment to realize it was the telephone on the desk.  He stumbled from the bed and answered it. 

“Hello this is Dean,” Dean answered groggily.

“Hey Dean. This is Benny over at NOLA’s Secret and Beyond.”

“Hi Benny good to hear from you.”

“Sorry to wake you.  Just had a few questions for ya so we can move forward.”

“Sure no problem.”

<Here it comes.> Dean wrapped the towel around him.  Naked phone calls always disturbed him.

“There’s a gap in your work history.  Just wonderin’ what was goin’ on then brother,” Benny recited the dates.

Dean hesitated it was not the time frame he had expected, “oh uh, my father had passed and I took care of my little brothers for those two years.  We lived off our savings and the life insurance.  I worked a few odd jobs under the table to make sure we had enough,” Dean relaxed.

“Oh okay.  You only have the one reference?”

“To be honest while I was away I lost contact with most people.  Pamela is the only one that continued to write me.  I used to work in her shop.”

“Alright then.  Well can you come by later to do the tax forms?  I can get you on the schedule by then.”

“Sure,” Dean replied delighted.

“Okay then see ya later.”

“Later,” Dean hung up the phone with a smile.

No questions asked.  Dean jumped up and got dressed.  He folded his meager apparel and put them in the dresser.  He smiled at the thought.  His.  Two years out and he had not had anything of his own.  He took a deep breath.  Dean grabbed the to-go bag from the fridge and removed the contents, all of his New Orleans favorites.  He plated a few things then put the rest in the fridge.  He finished up and headed to the restaurant.

“Wow you’re an early bird.  Sun’s barely up,” Ellen greeted from the front desk.

“I went to bed early,” Dean smiled, “Benny called so I’m headed over.”

“That man has no sense of common decency.  You can tell him I said that,” Ellen chuckled.

“Will do.  See ya later.”

“See ya.”

Dean was glad he had put on a jacket.  Autumn was close and the morning held a chill.  He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked to NOLA’s.  He shook his head not believing he had missed the name even when others had said it.  It spoke to his state of mind yesterday.  At six am Dean had not expected the place to be busy.  He had been wrong.  He smiled and waved at everyone he passed on the way to the counter.  Danna with her perfect latte skin and purple hair manned the register again.  The only familiar face.  She waved and pointed to the back.  Dean nodded and walked to the office.  His eyes widened as he took in the bulk of a man behind the desk.

Benny was built like a lumberjack with usable muscle.  Not just pretty to look at but also practical.  Dean tapped on the door frame.  Benny’s smile welcomed him in.

“Boy you waste no time,” Benny gave a warm laugh.

“Eager to start I guess,” Dean sat across from the desk.

“Understood.  Now I know you know I saw that you checked yes.  Keep your nose clean and we ain’t got a problem brother,” Benny handed Dean the tax forms.

“Gotcha.  Two years and not even a parking ticket.  I promise sir.  I have no intention of goin’ back.”

“Good.  I like reliable workers.  I know it ain’t much but if the need arises I can give more hours when they are available.  We work by word of mouth.  If you do good by me, I’ll let others know,” Benny sat back in his chair.

“Yes sir.”

“None of that sir crap.  I ain’t too much older than you,” Benny laughed, “while you do that I’m gonna finish up this schedule.  I wasn’t expecting you until after noon.”

“No problem.”

They worked in silence leaned over the desk and managed to finish at the same time.  Benny placed the handwritten schedule on the scanner by his desk and pulled the copy of the schedule calendar.

“Alright.  I’ll copy all the ID crap tomorrow.  I have to get the better copier repaired.  I’ve got ya four days a week, six hours a day at $8 an hour.  Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.  This’ll be pretty much your schedule until the holidays.  Everyone goes full time from mid November through January,” Benny handed him the schedule for the month.

“This is great.  Really I couldn’t ask for more.  Thank you,” Dean looked at the calendar.

“Great. We’ll have a staff meeting tomorrow.  Not gonna lie half the people you see tomorrow may not stay.  As you can see my permanent staff is penned in and everyone else is penciled in.  I’m okay with that.  It keeps it interesting,” Benny stood and held out his hand, “I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Dean shook his hand.

Dean could not help the hop in his step as he walked back to the front.  A shadow caught his attention and he turned to the door labeled staff only as it closed quickly.  Dean smirked and figured he would leave it be for another day.  He glanced around and saw Danna at the bar.  She waved him over while there was a lull in the crowd.  Dean wove his way through the tables to the small bar.

“Well don’t you clean up well,” Danna smiled and touched his newly shaven face, “baby smooth.”

“You always this touchy feely with coworkers?  I feel like I read the code of conduct and it mentions something about a red light,” Dean smirked at the comfortable flirting. <Almost normal again.>

“Are you calling red?” Danna leaned in and dropped her voice.

“Never,” Dean leaned in.

“Oh you’re so a bottom.  Never safe wording when you should,” Danna’s lips curled devilishly as she moved closer.

“I’ve been on the edge and I tend to like it,” Dean licked his lips as he looked up at her through his lashes and tugged her ponytail.

“I’d make you safe word,” Danna replied barely a whisper.

“You’re very dangerous,” Dean’s breath brushed her lips.

“Dammit Danna! He hasn’t even started yet,” Julie called as she shook her head.

Dean jumped back.  Danna laughed and adjusted her ponytail.

“No worries I know Dean’s off limits.  I was just curious,” Danna moved to the newest patron.

“Don’t let her get you.  She’s a little hands on, very flirtatious but virtuous.  To be non PC shug she’s our virgin slut,” Julie sat by him at the bar.

“She’s a virgin and that seductive?” Dean’s eyes went wide.

“Well not the never-had-sex type but the you-have-to-be-the-right-one-to-get-in-the-secret-garden born again virgin.  She’s not as promiscuous as she appears.  She does love to make out though.  She might try to steal some kisses.”

“Okay gotcha,”

“You interested shug?” Julie’s face lit up.

“Oh uh no.  Not my type.  She’s a great woman just not what I’m lookin’ for, ya know?” Dean shifted on the bar chair.

“Gotcha.  I thought the same about Charlie.  Then she rocked my world,” Julie smiled fondly at the memory.

“I’ll keep that in mind.  Uh, where’s the closest place I can get come groceries and a few things for my apartment?”

“We ain’t got a target or wal-mart if that’s what you’re lookin’ for.  The General Store is about eight miles from here.”

“General Store?  Really?” David smiled, “hold up.  I get it.  It’s supposed to feel like a small town back in the day but it isn’t.  Old style theory.  That’s why this feels like a saloon and a diner had a baby.  It’s an illusion.”

“Ding ding,” Julie tapped her nose with a giggle, “if you wait the Coach will be here in fifteen.  It’s $2.25 to catch it.  You’ll see the signs with a stage coach symbol.  Ellen can get you a schedule and a list of stops.”

“Great thanks.  That gives me time to grab my bag.”

“I’ll walk with ya,” Julie waved to Danna as she stood.

“You’re not workin’?”

“Nope just brought in supplies.”

They chatted as they walked back to the Roadhouse.  Dean took the schedule to his room.  He emptied out the unnecessary items from his bag and slung it onto his back.

“Dean this is Charlie my one and only,” Julie smiled as Dean walked back to the front.

“You two are so in love,” Dean chuckled, “nice to meet you Charlie.  You work here?”

“Yeah.  I man the front desk, create schedules, plan events and a little of this and that,” Charlie grinned as she took her arm from around Julie, “I hear you’ll be with us for awhile.”

“Yup.”

“Good to hear.  Here’s the schedule for the Coach and the list of stops,” Charlie handed the pamphlet to Dean.

“Thanks.  I’ll catch ya guys later.”

“See ya.”

Dean found the sign with the purple stage coach.  He did not have to wait long.  Dean grinned as the street car give the appearance of a stage coach.

“You must be Dean.  I’m Taylor,” the cheerful blonde man nodded as Dean climbed on.

“Wow news travels fast.  This really is a small town.”

“Not so much.  Stephanie’s a bit of our town know it all.  She knows all the happenings going on.  Especially when it involves an attractive man,” Taylor laughed as he pulled back into motion.

“I don’t think I know Stephanie.”

“She’s a shift manager at NOLA’s.  She saw you yesterday and worked with Julie to get info.”

“Ah.”

“Where can I take you today?”

“The General Store.”

“Awesome.  I’ve got two stops before yours so enjoy the view.”

Dean made mental notes of landmarks and places he would like to visit.  He made his list of what his money would be best spent on while they traveled.  Dean was at his stop before he realized much time had passed.

“I’ll be back this way in two hours.”

“That sounds perfect,” Dean put his money in the pay box as he exited.

Dean walked up to the General Store and grinned.  From the outside it did look old fashion like the other buildings.  When he entered it was mostly modern with the design of the past like everywhere else.  He grabbed a cart and headed to the shoe section first for work shoes.  He finished up his non food shopping first then made his groceries.

“Hey you must be Dean glad to meet you,” the young guy with the name tag that read Alfie greeted him.

“Is there gonna be any place to visit that doesn’t know who I am?”

“Probably not,” Alfie laughed as he rang up the items, “having a new resident is big news.  Especially one that Ellen likes right off.”

“I take it she usually isn’t so nice,” Dean smiled as he pulled out the envelope of money.

“She takes some getting used to and usually isn’t so kind to strangers that move into town without notice.  She ran poor Zachariah out of town within two days.”

“Then I am glad that she likes me,” Dean chuckled.

“I can see why though,” Alfie finished scanning the items and began to bag everything up, “you’re very kind and laid back.  You seem to have an edge but more so from what life has handed you and not because you’re a jerk.”

“Thanks,” Dean blushed as he put the bags in the travel cart he had purchased.

“Not a problem.  That’ll be $196.62,” Alfie said after he tapped a few keys on the register.

“I must have miscalculated.  I thought it was more than that,” Dean counted out the money.

“Oh it was but you receive a 20% discount since you work at NOLA’s.  We do employee discounts for all our locally own places.  It helps support our shops and sticks it to the corporate monsters,” Alfie counted the money that Dean handed him.

“Wow you even knew I worked for Benny.  This small town keeps surprising me.”

“We will do that.  It’s been a pleasure.  You have a wonderful day Dean,” Alfie handed him his change.

“You too Alfie.”

Dean finished in time.  He pulled the cart on the street car.  Dean realized he was excited.  He could not wait to get home.  HOME.  He could not stop smiling all the way to his apartment.  Dean unloaded and put everything away then sat down on the couch.  He took a swig of water and enjoyed the feel of free time.  He remembered the money and put it in his trinket box then placed the box in the safe.  Dean was glad to have the extra money even though he did not know who it came from.  He was happy for the safe as much as he liked the people and was very thankful he had habits when it came to trust.


	3. Tap That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel meet, sorta.

“Alright. ‘s everyone here?” Benny stood at the front of the staff break room.

“Uh Castiel isn’t,” Karol replied.

“He won’t be.  He’s doin’ an in town delivery.  Alright I’ma get started.  First things first let us formally welcome Dean our newest addition.”

“Hi guys,” Dean gave a wave as everyone clapped and gave him a warm welcome.

As Benny spoke Dean searched every one over.  He had chosen his seat on purpose since it got the best view of the room without being obvious.  He made note of the two guys that could be his possible guardian angel.  Similar build and dark hair.  Once the meeting was over Dean still had a few hours before his shift.  Dean pretend to be busy to draw out his friendly stalker.  He never felt eyes on him.  Dean was not sure why he felt disappointed.  Dean scribbled a thank you note and hung it on the board in the break room.

Apron and hair net in place Dean was in the middle of his shift when he felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end.  A part of him relaxed.  The comfort of being taken care of settled on him.  It continued off and on throughout the night.  When he clocked out and waved to everyone the feeling vanished.

Dean unlocked his apartment and went straight to the shower.  When he turned the lights on in the bedroom nook he froze.  He always knew when someone had been in his place.  He had not felt the uneasiness.

“Maybe because it’s still new,” Dean mumbled to himself.

Dean’s bed had new sheets and comforter on it, not hotel standard.  At least not any hotel he could afford to stay in.  He noticed the index card on his pillow and walked over and picked it up. 

_You are very welcome Dean._

Dean shook his head.  He pulled on clean boxers and tee shirt and got in bed.

“Oh my god this is heaven,” he pulled the sheets up and turned off the light, “thank you my angel.”

****

Dean clocked out and placed his stuff in his locker.  He pulled on his regular street clothes and grabbed his wallet and keys.  He put on his jacket as he headed out the door.

“See ya Dani, see ya Jules.”

“Don’t forget we’re meeting at the bar after I get off okay?  No chickening out like you did the last three weeks in a row.”

“11:30 at the bar in Roadhouse. Gotcha,” Dean smiled as he left.

Dean waved to Charlie as he went to his apartment.  He changed into his steel toed boots and grabbed his toolbox.  Dean went out back and pulled the loose boards off the fence and replaced them with the ones he had sanded down and fitted the previous week.  Once he was finished there he replaced the light bulbs that had gone out in the lobby.  Dean took a quick shower and headed back to the front desk.

“Charlie where’s a bank I can cash check at?” Dean leaned across the counter.

“They’re all closed now.  There is a check cashing machine at the Mom and Pop convenience store across the street.”

“Thanks.”

“You’re not backing out again tonight are you?” Charlie gave him a playful glare.

“Nope.  I made a promise.”

“Alright then.”

Dean walked to cash his check.  He made sure that no one noticed him as he pocketed the money for three weeks work. Dean went back to his room to put the money with the rest he had left over from his guardian. Dean had spoken to one of his suspected admirers.  Terrence was not the one even though he was nice.  The other had not returned to work after the meeting.  Dean shook his head at the thought as he popped the safe open.  Dean opened the envelope and hesitated.  Another $100 was in with the remaining money. 

Dean knew he had not touched the money since the day he had placed it in the safe.  He had survived off the groceries he had purchased and leftovers from the restaurant.  The kitchen was always glad to give away the food instead of throwing it out.  No one would have been able to guess his combination. Dean knew that if he needed to he could crack a safe in under three minutes so it was possible.  Dean slide his pay checks money in the envelope and placed it back in the safe.  He changed the combination and went to his bed.  He lay down for nap so he could make it through the night with friends.

Dean’s alarm sounded and he got up with plenty of time to dress.  He waved at Linda the older African American woman that ran the front desk Monday evenings so the others could hang out.

“Don’t let them peer pressure you out of your comfort zone,” Linda smiled warmly at him.

“Never ma’am.”

“Good.”

Dean pushed open the double glass doors to the bar.

“Dean!” the entire table shouted as he approached.

“Hi guys,” Dean slid in the booth next to Danna.

“I can’t believe you came out,” Kevin said and passed Charlie $20.

“Dammit,” Gilda slid $50 to Charlie.

“Hold on.  There was a bracket?” Dean narrowed his eyes at Charlie as she collected money from everyone.

“Maybe,” she counted the money, “I’ll take my ten percent.  Hayden here is your half.  Congrats!” Charlie passed her the money.

“Thanks!” Hayden, a front desk worker at the hotel, pocketed the money.

“Each week Hayden bet for you.”

“Who’s the other half for?” Dean asked.

“Cas.  He never bet until tonight.  He stayed neutral until now.  He picked a good night.”

“Castiel?  I still haven’t met him.  When’s he getting here?”

“You’ve not met Cas? How’s that even possible?  You have been here almost a month,” Gilda shook her head.

“Our paths haven’t crossed.  I think I may have seen him in passing but we haven’t met.”

“Hm that’s strange.  Especially with you guys living in the same place.  Of course he won’t be here tonight.  Sally quit and he offered to stay so that none of us would have to work a double,” Julie replied.

“What can I get you Dean?” Jessica walked up to the table.

“Sweet tea please.”

“Nope. Nuh uh,” Julie shook her head, “get this man a drink.”

“No.  I,” Dean looked down at the table, “I have, had, a drinking problem.  I can’t have a drink.”

“Oh.  Sorry.  This probably wasn’t the best idea.  Get this man a virgin beverage,” Danna raised her stein to Jessica.

“So Dean my man.  You showed up with a bag on your back and not much else.  What’s your story?” Kevin leaned forward.

“Not much to tell.  Too many bad memories.  I needed a new start.”

“I hear you’re ex-military.”

“Yup a long time ago.  Needed the money and they sell you on the idea.  I got out as soon as I could.  I traveled a bit then took a bus as far as I could.  I wound up here on foot several weeks after.”

“That has to be the shortest life story ever.”

“Trust has to be gained.  It isn’t something that we get in 21 days.  When he’s ready Dean will let us in a little more,” Danna offered him an encouraging smile and knee squeeze.

“Thanks Dani.”

“Hey he gets to give you a nick name?” Hayden appeared affronted, “I’ve known you ten years.”

“And biblically two of those but I don’t allow nicknames unless you have eyes of the ancient warrior and the colour of rare jewels,” Danna leaned her head on his shoulder.

“Are you two sleeping together?” Jessica placed the sweet tea in front of Dean.

“Not yet,” Dean winked at Jessica.

“Well good luck with that,” Jessica laughed.

“Wow I feel like my crown was taken,” Danna held her hand to her chest, “did someone get our lines mixed? Script please.”

“I knew there was a spark in there,” Charlie laughed, “you guys don’t see him at home.”

“He’s a laugh a minute,” Nancy, housekeeping lead, said as she scooted in the other side of the booth.

“He makes work not feel like work,” Hayden agreed.

“All the time,” Julie replied, “the staff loves him.”

“I am here right?” Dean ran his hand over his face.

“Sorry.”

 

Dean and Danna walked up to her apartment once the bar closed.  They said their goodbyes to the others and Dean supported Danna. He rode the elevator up with her as she giggled at something she didn’t share with him. Dean guided her to her room.  Danna fumbled with her keys.

“Thanks for walking me up,” Danna whispered loudly.

“No problem,” Dean nodded, “sleep tight,” he turned to go.

“Dean,” Danna grabbed his arm.

“Yeah?” Dean turned.

Danna kissed him.  Dean realized as their lips moved together there was barely any trace of alcohol in Danna.  It had been hours since she had consumed an alcohol beverage.  Dean pulled back from her. Danna’s eyes flickered down and a smirk ran across her face.

“I knew I was right,” Danna replied excitedly and sober.

“What?”

“When someone calls dibs it’s up for the rest of us to make sure it’ll work out,” her smile grew.

“Who called dibs?  You’ve never answered,” Dean pleaded.

“Goodnight Dean,” Danna closed her door with one last glimpse of her mischievous grin.

Dean threw his arms up in defeat and took the stairs back down.

“Danna okay?” Linda asked with a knowing smile.

“Stone sober,” Dean responded indignantly.

“Hm. Curiouser and curiouser,” Linda continued to smile.

“Oh you guys,” Dean shook a finger in her general direction, “I’ll figure it out.”

“Goodnight Dean,” Linda chuckled.  

  “Goodnight Linda.”

Dean walked down the hall to his apartment.  He pulled his keys and twirled them as he moved down the hall.  Dean rounded the corner and heard a door open.  He paused, waited a beat and stepped back around.  The door Ellen had indicated was Castiel’s was ajar.  With quick silent steps Dean moved to the door.  It slipped shut by time he was there.  Dean stood with his head against the door.  He took a breath and tapped his knuckles on the door.  There was no response.  He waited a few more seconds then tapped again.  Dean immediately recognized the long and short responses.  A slow smiled crept onto his face.  He heard the chain go across the door.  Dean stepped back and the door opened as much as it could with the chain engaged.

“We haven’t formally been introduced.  I figure three in three morning was the perfect time.  I’m Dean the new guy,” Dean tried to look into the darkness but could not make out Castiel at all.

‘Hello Dean.’ Castiel tapped back in Morse code.

Dean listened to the movement since he did not speak.  Castiel stood along the wall with his back against it and his knuckled tapped the door frame.

‘I’m sorry we have not met.  I have trouble meeting new people.’

“You work in a restaurant and meet new people all the time,” Dean pressed his back against the same wall as he whispered.

‘They are not permanent.’

“It’s been three weeks,” Dean let his smile bleed into his voice to soften the words.

‘I’m talking to you.  This is always the first step.’

“How’d you know I’d understand it?”

‘Military training 101.  I was not sure you would remember.  I knew you would recognize it.’

“You’re using a short hand taught to those stationed overseas not domestically.  You’ve been in action.  I’m glad you made it out,” Dean slid down the wall and went into a seat position.

‘You as well,’ Castiel did the same.

“Castiel,” Dean closed his eyes and listened for a second, “are you the one that’s been taking care of me?  The food, money and the bed dressings?”

‘Yes.  It gets tough for people like us.’

“I have a feeling you don’t mean just ex-military.”

‘You are correct,’ Castiel moved his taps to the base board which quieted the taps.

“Castiel.  Thank you.  For everything.  I wouldn’t have made it without you.”

‘It was my pleasure.  Someone once helped me.  I can only so the same when the time presents itself.’

“Do you purposely avoid me?  It can’t be a coincidence that I’ve never seen you.”

‘It is very easy when you are wearing your boots to turn and disappear.  Work is harder.  I get help from the staff.’

“Ah that’s how you’ve been doing it.  Then on Wednesdays there’s always a convenient delivery.  You’re good.  Spec Ops good.”

‘Thank you.’

Dean had the next question at the ready but was terrified of the answer.  He sat in silence with Castiel.  Castiel made no move to fill the silence.  Dean listened to him breathe and realized how desperate he was for the answer.

“Castiel,” Dean began but paused.

‘Yes?’

“When I first got here and most days since I have always felt like I was being watched.  Is that you?”

‘Yes.’

Dean moved his hand into the gap of the door.  He felt Castiel’s strong fingers wrap around his.  There was a connection that brought a smile to his face. 

Dean jerked awake.  He wasn’t sure how long he had been sleep but Castiel’s hand was still in his.  Dean cleared his throat.

“Castiel you still awake?”

‘Yes.  You fell asleep.  You should go to bed.’

“Yeah,” Dean did not move.

Dean smiled when Castiel did not move either.  Dean squeezed Castiel’s hand.  Castiel returned the touch.

<I am losing my mind.>

‘You do not have to stay up with me.  I do not sleep much.  I am off tomorrow.  I will probably stay up all night to watch the sun rise.’

“I ‘m off tomorrow too.”

‘I know,’ Castiel sighed.

More silence.

“Castiel?”

‘Yes Dean?’

“Are you the one that called dibs on me?”

Castiel’s hand pulled out of Dean’s.  He stood.  Dean did the same and turned to the door.  Castiel pushed the door shut. Dean fished for words.

‘Goodnight Dean.’

Dean grinned as he heard Castiel move away from the door. Dean practically skipped to his apartment.  He unlocked the door as he hummed.  Dean striped down and got into bed satisfied with the new information.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Hope this is enjoyable and you'll stay tuned. I appreciate your time.


	4. Dates, Masks and Kisses

Dean still had not met Castiel face to face by the end of his shift Saturday.  They had had a few more late night conversations.  Before he went to his apartment he slipped the note under Castiel’s door.  When he got to his apartment he showered and got everything set up.  Dean had gotten the idea from a show and had implemented it for his personal situation.  He was tired but wanted to move to the next level in their relationship.  Dean had spent the morning with the construction of the addition to his room.  His phone rang once.  Dean’s chest grew tight and he wiped his palms against his thighs as he took a seat in the chair.  He sat up straight and the soft knock sounded on the door before it opened and closed.

‘Oh Dean,’ Castiel tapped on the counter as he moved into the room.

“Tada! With the light on my side I can’t see you.  I figured we could move to the next level and you still don’t have to look at me.  We can move forward in our relationship,” Dean responded cheerfully.

‘Relationship?’

“Yes,” Dean felt himself blush at what he would like it to mean, “talking.  We’ve had four Morse code conversations.  One in the bathroom at work even.”

Castiel’s laugh startled but warmed Dean.  Castiel sat in the chair provided and cleared his throat.

“Hello Dean.”

“Holy shit.  Was not expectin’ your bedroom voice,” Dean ran a hand through his hair.

“Bedroom voice?”

Dean could almost hear his confused expression, “never mind.”

“Did your room come with this partition?” Castiel inquired.

“No.  I installed it this morning,” Dean grinned.

“You,” Castiel inhaled sharply, “you did this for me?”

“Yes.  I wasn’t jokin’ when I said I wanted to get to know you better,” Dean shifted in his seat.

“Oh.  I am delighted you enjoy my company.”

“I figured since you’ve got dibs on me I should be more available,” Dean put out there hopeful.

“I never answered that question.”

“By not answering it you did indeed answer it,” Dean chuckled.

“Are you smirking at me?”

Dean turned to face the screen, “I am now.”

“Thank you for this,” Castiel made a gesture with his hand to indicate the partition.

“As your S.O. I don’t think I had a choice.  You’re welcome all the same.”

“S.O.?”

“Significant other.”

“Dean you’re not my--”

“Shh Castiel.  It’s okay.  I don’t mind.  It’s kinda fun.  I will say I haven’t been in a romantic relationship in years.  Bear with me through this.  I’m relearning it all.”

“Hmm.”

“Are,” Dean made himself stay seated, “you blushing?”

“NO!” Castiel sat straight up.

“You are!” Dean teased.

“That’s preposterous.”

“I bet you're beautiful when you blush,” Dean whispered.

“We’re not dating,” Castiel stated.

“So I can put myself out there as available?  Show a little interest in others then?  Am I undibbed?”

“No,” Castiel stood.

“That’s what I thought,” Dean chuckled, “I’m not usually this bold but without the face to face the feelings aren’t as intimidating.  You’ve done a great job caring for me and I don’t mind doing the same.”

“This. . .this thing we are doing is not awkward to you?”

“I have had way weirder courtships.”

“Usually I work up to more but you have taken over.  It is moving fast,” Castiel commented as he sat back down.

“Do you mind?” Dean leaned forward and felt the flutter of nerves in his stomach.

“No.  I do not think I do.”

“Good because I am in my thirties and am too old to play around,” Dean relaxed.

“Understood.”

They settled in and talked late into the night and Dean enjoyed every minute of it. 

“Hey is it okay if I change for bed?”

“Oh am I keeping you?”

“No.  I want to talk until I fall asleep.  I just don’t want to sleep in this chair.”

“Sure.  You can get ready for bed.”

Castiel watched the shadowed figure of Dean as he stood and pulled off his clothes.  Castiel let his mind drift to what he would see instead of the silhouette.  He thought about what lay behind the partition.  He bit his lip and looked away.  Castiel licked his lips and gripped the armrests of the chair to not move.

Dean stretched after he changed and yawned.  He snuggled under the covers and got comfortable before he closed his eyes.

“Once I’m sleeping you can leave.  I just like your voice.  I want to fall asleep listening to you,” Dean mumbled.

“Not a problem,” Castiel’s voice was a tinge darker.

“Why don’t you tell me a story.”

“Alright.  One of my favorite stories growing up was Peter Rabbit.”

Castiel began to tell the story.  About fifteen minutes into the story Dean’s breathing had evened out.  Castiel paused and listened to make sure he was sleep.  Castiel waited a few more minutes and got up.  He pushed the partition back and approached the bed.  Castiel smiled down at Dean and leaned in and kissed his forehead.  Dean smiled in his sleep and it sent a burst a warmth through Castiel.

Castiel watched Dean sleep for a several more minutes before he turned off the light and exited the apartment. Castiel leaned against the door with his eyes closed.  He took a few deep breaths and pushed off to his own place.

****

Dean woke with a smile.  He had not slept so peacefully in years.  He looked around once he gained full consciousness.  The partition was slid back and the light was turned off.  Dean sighed happily at the implications.  Dean showered and was ready for the day as quickly as possible.  He made his way to the front and was greeted with a sour faced Ellen.

“Winchester,” Ellen called after him.

“Uh oh.  What’d I do?” Dean sat on the counter.

Ellen swatted at him until he jumped down and took a seat.

“Have you been fixing things ‘round here without tellin’ me kid?” Ellen shook a finger at him.

“Uh, sorry,” Dean’s face fell, “I didn’t think it’d be a problem.”

“Oh Dean it isn’t, I just,” Ellen’s face softened, “Dean thank you.  I’m not upset with you.  I’m upset because you didn’t tell me.  You can’t do that stuff without pay.  If you're goin’ to be my handyman it has to be official or I can get in trouble.  I appreciate it a lot.  You see everything I miss.  Sometimes little things slip through the cracks.  You can fill out all the paperwork later.”

“Ellen you don’t have to pay me.  I don’t mind it.”

“Did I stutter?”

“No ma’am.”

“That’s what I thought.  I have to make sure it’s all in place for insurance purposes plus now I can assign you things,” she grinned, “now get outta here.  Oh this was left for you,” Ellen’s face lit up as she handed him the envelop.

“Thanks.”

Dean recognized the handwriting instantly.  He headed out of the lobby as he opened it.

_Meet me at the Pier. 6 pm_

_~C~_

Dean smiled and tucked it in his pocket.  He had plenty of time.  He had his way down the block to NOLA’s.

“Mornin’ Dean,” Danna smiled.

“I like the blue hair Danna,” Dean gave her a thumbs up.

“Thanks,” Danna flipped her hair over her shoulder, “I am ice to Charlie’s fire.”

“Oh god are Fire and Ice back at it?” Stephanie laughed with a shake of her head.

“Do I even want to know?” Dean sat down at the counter.

“No!” Stephanie and Gilda said in unison.

“Wow,” Dean chuckled.

“Your usual?” Gilda asked.

“Yeah.  Is Castiel in?” Dean tried to be as nonchalant as possible.

“Nope.  Out on a delivery,” Stephanie smiled.

“How was your date?” Danna asked.

“It was good.  It went very well.  Very well indeed,” Dean could not help the grin that spread across his face.

“Sounds like someone spent the night,” Danna replied suggestively.

“He told me a stories until I fell asleep,” Dean leaned against the counter.

“So he did spend the night,” Stephanie’s eyes got big.

“Uh, I don’t think so.”

“How. . .?”

All eyes turned to him.

“Well,” Dean felt the heat blossom from his neck and move up, “he was on the other side of the partition until I fell asleep,” Dean ducked his head.

“Holy shit you still haven’t seen him,” Danna laughed and dropped back onto a chair.

“What partition?” Stephanie looked at him suspiciously.

“Dean put a partition up so that Cas would feel comfortable talking without seeing,” Gilda answered through her giggles.

“It worked,” Dean shrugged.

“My oh my.  This is so absurd.  I love it,” Stephanie clapped gleefully.

“Best soap opera around,” Danna giggled.

“I’m meeting him tonight outside of the Roadhouse and NOLA’s,” Dean squared his shoulders.

“Really?  Where?” Julie stopped and handed Dean his food.

“The Pier.”

“The Pier? Ha!  The Pier,” Danna stared at him a moment.

Danna threw her head back and cackled hysterically as she stood and walked back to the front.

“What’s so funny?” Dean asked with a fry in hand and a worried crease of his brow.

“You’ll see,” Stephanie patted his shoulder and had the dignity to stifle her laughter until she was gone.

 

“Son of a bitch,” Dean stood outside the club with the package opened in his hand that Castiel had sent to him.

The Pier was not what Dean had thought.  No water around.  It was a club that happened to be having a masquerade event.  Dean put on the mask and placed the box in the trash receptacle.  He entered the club and posted up by the entrance so he would not miss Castiel when he entered.

“Hello Dean.”

“Sneaky as fuck Castiel,” Dean pouted as he turned.

“I thought it was rather clever,” Castiel smiled.

Dean could not take his eyes off of Castiel even with his face hidden behind the cat mask.  Castiel’s eyes were the perfect mixture of blues and had a physique well presented in the black form hugging button down and low rise pants Dean greatly appreciated.  It was more for him to add to Castiel’s image.

“I guess it was a little clever blue eyes.”

“I come to every one they have so I figured you could enjoy it with me.  There’s food, dancing and you can see me without the screen in between us,” Castiel took Dean’s hand and guided him further into the club.

“You make a cute cat,” Dean said as he took the drink from Castiel.

“You make an adorable wolf,” Castiel sipped his drink as he watched Dean continue to take in his appearance.

“What is all this for?”

“It’s a charity event they host twice a year.  I love to dress up and helping people.”

“How do you help the people?”

“I made the baked goods that are being auctioned off and I did the musical arrangements,” Castiel took his hand and sat the drinks down.

“So you cook and have musical talent.  I can add those to the list of things that I know about you,” Dean took his hand followed him.

“There are plenty of other things we’ll be learning about each other over time,” Castiel stopped and turned to Dean.

“Oh,” Dean realized where they were, “I can’t dance.”

“Sure you can.  Just move with me,” Castiel whispered as he moved to the beat.

“I’m going to embarrass you.”

“No you won’t,” Castiel placed his hands on his hips and moved him to the rhythm of the music.

They danced then Castiel took him over to the food line.  Dean did his best not to load his plate as he would if he was alone or with closer friends.  He watched Castiel eat and enjoyed the conversation.  Castiel had to leave him for a few minutes to auction off the desserts he had made and Dean could not believe how charismatic the introvert could be.  Castiel introduced him to a few others from the town that had not had a chance to meet the newest member of the town.

Castiel made his farewells and took Dean’s hand as they rode the Coach back to the hotel.  They stood quietly hand and hand as they traveled back.  Dean stopped them outside of Castiel’s door when they arrived back at the Roadhouse.

“So. . .” Dean’s eyes flickered to Castiel’s mouth then back to his eyes.

“Thank you for coming.  It was fun,” Castiel nodded and pulled his keys out, “I’ll see you later.”

“Castiel,” Dean took hold of his arm.

“Yes Dean?” Castiel turned back to face Dean.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, pushed Castiel’s mask up and leaned in for a kiss.  Castiel moved enough so that their lips met.  The kiss was gentle and explorative.  Dean turned around so that Castiel could put his mask back in place.

“Would you like to come in?” Castiel’s voice had dropped.

“I haven’t seen your face but you're inviting me in?” Dean chuckled.

“I was thinking coffee not sex yet,” Castiel replied.

“I’ve gotta work tomorrow.  Rain check,” Dean turned around and grabbed Castiel’s hand.

“Alright.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you when you’re ready,” Dean kissed his hand, winked and went to his apartment.


	5. Face to Face, More Kisses and Dammit Danna

“I’ve got a delivery for Stamos place,” Dean sat the bags on the counter as he readied to leave for the day.  He turned his back to place his apron on the hook.

“Thanks Dean,” Castiel grabbed the bags and headed out.

Dean spun around too late.  He saw the back of Castiel as he left the restaurant.  Danna roared with laughter.

“So close yet so far,” she said when she composed herself.

“How?  He?  What?  Why is he so quick? Ugh!”

“It’s been weeks since you officially became an item and you still have not seen his entire face.  This is so spectacularly dramatic.  I’m gonna write this into a show,” Danna continued to laugh.

“I’m goin’ home.  See ya later chuckles.”

 

Dean cleaned up after he repaired another part of the fence behind the Roadhouse.  He showered and readied for his date with Castiel.  Dean made sure the room was orderly, the table was set for one and pulled the partition.  He sighed as he thought of another date on the opposite side from Castiel as he sat down his own plate.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel arrived a few minutes later.

“Hey Castiel,” Dean replied.

“You cooked.  Thank you. It looks amazing.”

“No problem,” Dean sipped his water.

After they sat down and began to eat in silence Castiel stood.  Dean’s eyes grew wide as he watched his shadow move.  The screen moved almost in slow motion as Dean waited with anticipation.

“I’m ready,” Castiel whispered.

The slow reveal almost drove Dean to jump up and push through the screen.  Castiel stood with his head bowed for a moment before he looked up at Dean.  He did not lift his head just his eyes to meet Dean’s.  Dean inhaled sharply as he took in all of Castiel’s face.  The pure innocence of the expression made things pull tight in Dean.  Dean stood and took the few steps between them slowly.  With his finger tips he tilted Castiel’s head up.  Dean’s eyes roamed over Castiel’s face and stopped at his eyes again.  Dean closed his eyes and kissed Castiel.  Castiel rested his hands on Dean’s hips as they kiss.

“You are gorgeous,” Dean sighed happily against his lips.

“Thank you.”

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel and pulled him close.  Castiel stiffened in the touch and immediately pushed Dean away.  Castiel stepped back a few more steps and each breath was shaky.

“Castiel,” Dean stood motionless.

“Give me a moment,” Castiel stood with his eyes closed tightly.

“Okay.”

Dean did not move as Castiel took his time.  Dean watched as Castiel’s body tensed and relaxed repeatedly and he swallowed hard.  Castiel wrapped his arms around himself as his lips moved silently.  He eventually relaxed and looked up at Dean with haunted eyes.

“Do I need to pull the screen back in place?” Dean’s eyes searched Castiel’s face.

“No,” Castiel’s hands twitched, “I’m good.  We all deal with it uniquely.  My experience is different than others. I am sorry. I moved forward too fast.”

“Yeah.  Let’s finish dinner and we can move on from there.”

“Bring your plate here so that you do not have to eat at the desk.  We can have a meal together,” Castiel smiled and it reached his eyes again.

“Okay,” Dean grabbed his plate and moved to the dinette with Castiel.

“Where did you learn to cook?” Castiel asked as he finished his meal.

“My mom and grandmother.  They took care of us while my dad was on active duty.”

“Oh so you come from a military family.  I went in to get away from my family,” Castiel watched Dean as he ate.

“I had planned to be the first not to enlist.  When my dad passed and I needed the money. . . they make it seem amazing.  No one ever told me not to go join while in a terror alert state,” Dean looked off in the distance as a memory flashed.

“I’m sorry.  You do not have to talk about,” Castiel brushed his fingers over Dean’s hand briefly before he pulled back.

“I just haven’t talked ‘bout it in a while.  I did my tour and got out and came back here to take care of them.  It is my past,” Dean’s eyes fell to his plate.

“Who did you take care of?  You have mentioned others twice but I do not hear you speak of family often.”

“Hmm.  I don’t have any more family.  It was just me and my brothers for a few years.  Then things went bad,” Dean put down his fork as his expression turned dark.

“I will leave it.  Let’s talk about something else.”

“I made pie,” Dean smiled a little.

“Great.”

Dean cleared the table as he tried to get Adam’s image and Sam’s terrified screams from echoing in his mind.  He cut a slice of pecan pie for each of them and went back to the table.

“Dean this must have taken you forever to bake,” Castiel’s eyes shown with wonder.

“I did it yesterday.  I heard through the grapevine that it was one of your top five favorite pies,” Dean genuinely smiled at him.

“Thank you.”

“If you need me to slow down or think that I am doin’ something lame you let me know.  I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Dean nodded as he sat down.

“I literally stalked you for a month before we met.  I think I should be the one to put that out there,” Castiel smirked as took a bite.

“True,” Dean chuckled.

“I do enjoy our time together.  I like getting to know you.”

“Ditto blue eyes.”

“I would like to take you on a date that is out of town.  There is somewhere I would like you to go with me.”

“Huh, okay.  Where is it?”

“Dorchester.  It is only a 45 minute drive from here.  I can take us,” Castiel looked at Dean hopeful.

“You can drive?” Dean asked bewildered.

“Yes.”

“But you bike everywhere?” Dean looked at him curious.

“Yes I do.  I can get anywhere in town I need to on bike or my scooter.  I do not need the car unless I am leaving town.”

“You have a car?” Dean sat back astonished.

“Yes,” Castiel smiled proudly.

“Then it’s a date.”

“I will get Danna to switch a day with you.  We will need time.  You can work her Tuesday and she will work your Wednesday next week.  We will leave right after the staff meeting.”

“Sounds good.”

They finished their pie and Dean kissed Castiel goodnight.  Castiel blushed and went back to his apartment.

Dean did the dishes and put away leftovers.  He stripped down and got into bed with Castiel’s behavior gnawing at his mind.  Dean wondered if it was a reaction from his time in prison or active duty that caused him to react the way he had when Dean pulled him close. Dean’s sleep was fitful that night.

****

Dean nervously packed an overnight bag.  Castiel had not said what they would be doing so he had run out and bought a pair of slacks and button down in case. 

“Hey,” Danna called as she walked into his apartment.

“I thought I got that key from you,” Dean chuckled.

“Pfft. Like I can’t make more,” Danna rolled her eyes, “I brought you something for your trip.”

“What?” Dean turned.

“Here you are,” Danna held out the black bag to him with a mischievous smile.

“How come I feel terrified right now?” Dean took the bag and opened it, “Danna! We haven’t even gotten pass kissin’ yet.”

“Professional quality lube is good for any time.  Glow in the dark condoms are always fun for light saber bedroom fights and flavored condoms are classic,” her smile grew bigger.

“Danna you are uncontrollable.”

“I’m just sayin’ that you’re going to be spendin’ the night together in a different zip code.  Cas trusts you.  You’ll end up in bed with him a lot quicker than his last guy pal.  You should always be prepared.  The magnums are for both of you.  I assume you’re packin’ some heat and I know that he needs them,” Danna winked as she turned to the door.

“Jeez! How do you even know that?”

“We were roommates while we waited for the third apartment to be finished.  Sean lived here and Cas and I shared the other.  I may have walked in on him jerkin’ it in the shower.  That was when we started using opaque shower curtains.”

“Christ.  Magnums.  Okay,” Dean blushed.

“Have a fun trip,” Danna giggled, “on a serious note.  You hurt him and I hurt you.  I have a friend with a pig farm.”

“Believe me.  You scare the shit out of me.  Even if I wasn’t serious I would be with you in his corner.”

“Good to know.  See ya Friday,” Danna left him to finish packing.

Dean double checked everything and rechecked just to make sure.  As he zipped his bag the door opened and Castiel came in.  Dean’s eyes caught sight of the bag from Danna.  He did not have time to hide it in his nightstand.  He grabbed it and shoved it in his overnight bag then zipped it close.  Dean turned around with a smile.

“I am prepared to leave are you?”

“Yup,” Dean flashed him an innocent smile.

Dean slung his bag over his shoulder and they left his apartment.  He locked the door behind him and made a mental note not to allow Castiel back in until he checked it.  Dean knew that their trip would give Danna ample time to set up an embarrassing scene.  They waved to everyone as they made their way through the lobby.

“Wow I was not expecting this,” Dean’s eyes roamed over the hybrid SUV.

“I had her redone to actually have solar panels on top as well.  It was a lot of work but she is more environmentally friendly.  Taking the standard model and enhancing the design has worked out very well for me,” Castiel stated with pride as he placed their bags in the back.

“Well good for you.”

“That sounded like mocking,” Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean as he got in the vehicle.

“It may have been,” Dean smirked as he buckled up.

Castiel did not respond.  He started the jeep and they headed on their way.  Dean frowned at the music that poured from the radio.

“What is this?”

“Hmm?”

“This music,” Dean made a face.

“Oh. It is Bach.”

“This is not road trip music.  This is studying or bath time music,” Dean reached for the dial.

“No. Driver picks the music.  Passenger shuts his pie hole.”

“It’s ‘passenger shuts his cake hole’.”

“How do you know?”

“Because that’s my saying.”

“No it is not. It is the saying from an old pen pal,” Castiel glanced at Dean.

“Well they got it wrong,” Dean smiled, “should I be nervous about our date?”

“No.  You are going to like it I promise.”

“I guess I have to trust you then,” Dean leaned back in his seat and watched the scenery passes while they drove.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, kudos and comment. Love you guys! Have a fantastic weekend.


	6. Away From It All Part I

“Thank you very much Mrs. Brown,” Castiel took the keys from Mrs. Brown.

“It’s good to see you again Castiel.  If you need anything you let us know,” the elderly woman smiled as he went back to the jeep.

“I have us checked in.  Here is your key,” Castiel handed the key to Dean as he got back in the jeep.

“Okay.  So do you need help with the bags?”

“Not yet,” Castiel buckled his seatbelt and started the jeep.

“We’re not staying here?” Dean shot him a worried look.

“We are,” Castiel smiled as he pulled onto an almost hidden gravel path passed the front of the property.

“This is how horror movies begin.  Good thing I can take care of myself.  I think I can out maneuver you if you try to kill me.”

“I am not going to try and kill you.  If I wanted to kill you there is not a chance for you to survive,” Castiel maintained a straight face as his eyes scanned the road ahead.

“I don’t know if you’re joking or not.”

“Dean,” Castiel glanced over to him, “I am a better fighter than you.  I am more skilled in stealth and assassination.  I could easily kill you before you even realized I was in the room.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Dean laughed.

“Yes.  If I wanted to kill you I would not have brought you all the way out here.  I would have done it at the hotel.  Accidents happen very often in the work place.  Especially for a handy man,” Castiel turned down another almost hidden path.

Not for the first time Dean wondered what Castiel’s duties were when he was active duty.

“Good to know.  Hopefully I won’t get on your bad side.”

“I do not think that would ever be possible.  I like you,” Castiel pulled to a stop outside of a small cabin.

“I like you too,” Dean kissed his cheek as he undid his seatbelt.

“Let’s go in.”

Castiel got out and went to the cabin first.  He unlocked the door then headed back and grabbed his bags from the back.  Dean followed him into the cabin and smiled.  The front was one big space that was the kitchen, living room and dining room.  Dean noticed three doors off the hall.  He assumed they led to the bedrooms and a bathroom.

“I had them clean it up and stock the refrigerator for us so that way we do not have to go in town.  We can maximize our time,” Castiel shut the door behind him.

“Great.”

“Come on bring your things,” Castiel headed down the hall, “that is the bathroom,” he pointed to the first door on the left, “this room will be yours,” he opened the door on the right so Dean could go in.

“Thanks.  Oh this is a lot bigger than I expected.”

“Yes.  It’s built to hold an extra bed if needed for families.  My room will be at the end of the hall.  I’ll go put my bags down and will be right back.”

“Okay,” Dean sat his bag down on the bed and looked around the room.

It was immaculate.  Dean had a feeling Castiel had made the trip himself to organize and clean the cabin.  Dean had seen clean hotels and cabins and they were never as clean.  Dean smiled at the thought of Castiel making sure that everything was perfect before he brought him out.

“We have some time before the sun goes down.  There is something I want to show you,” Castiel smiled.

“What made you think of this place?” Dean asked as he followed Castiel out.

“This was my home for some time.  When I got out there were not a lot of places that would hire me.  I saved Mr. Brown from a mugging and he offered me the grounds position here.  This was my cabin for a couple of years,” Castiel locked the door behind them.

“Oh.”

“I wanted to share it with you.  I want to show you one of my favorite spots,” Castiel stopped at the jeep and grabbed the blanket and cooler.

“Here,” Dean took the cooler and slung the strap over this shoulder, “let me take it.”

“Thank you,” Castiel picked up the lantern and shut the back of the jeep, “it has been a year or so since I have been here.  This is probably the last week or so we can visit before the weather gets too cold.”

“Thank you for sharing it with me,” Dean followed Castiel as he took a trail behind the cabin.

“You are the only person I have shared this with so far,” Castiel threw a smile over his shoulder at Dean.

Dean stopped for a moment and took in what that meant.  Dean grinned as he started walking again.  As they walked Castiel pointed out the different plants, trees, animal tracks and flowers that bloomed year round.  Castiel turned off the path, stopped and rolled out the blanket in the clearing.  He placed large stones on each corner to hold it in place if the wind picked up.  Dean gasped as he looked out over the land.  They were above the lake and could see right through the hills as the sun dipped in the afternoon sky.  The light hit the lake and made it sparkle. 

“Beautiful view isn’t it?” Castiel watched Dean’s face as he took in the sights, “wait until the sun sets in a few.  It’s magical.”

“Something so normal feels so awe inspiring.”

“Nature can do that.  Come sit.”

Dean looked down and nodded.  He placed the cooler to the side and noticed as he sat beside Castiel that a fire pit had been dug and was lined with kindling and wood already.  Dean glanced at Castiel and knew he had visited before they had driven up that day.

“It’s so peaceful out here,” Dean whispered and looked back out over the lake.

“Yes.  You can see everything from here.  It’s why I love it right here.”

“How long after here before you moved to Bassnectar?”

“I left here and moved there.  Mr. Brown got a call from Ellen looking for help after she reopened from the fire.  I was the only one willing to make the drive daily.  Once I trained my replacement here I moved there permanently.”

“There was a fire?”

“Yes.  When Dick Roman came through and tried to buy up all the locally owned and operated businesses he resorted to vandalism and scare tactics to get people to sell.  He says he did not mean for the fire to spread but it did.  The goon that started it rolled on Dick instantly.  Ellen is a survivor and had the renovations done and was open within four months even though they told her it would take six.  She took to me quickly and I stayed.”

“Wow poor Ellen,” Dean shook his head at the thought of her losing her home and business.

“More like poor Dick,” Castiel chuckled, “before they arrested him the guy had told her who had hired him.  Dick showed up not knowing and offered to buy the Roadhouse off her.  Ellen beat that man.  His bodyguards never left the car.  He spent his first week behind bars in the med unit.”

“That I can see,” Dean smiled at thought of Ellen in a fight.

“Bobby apparently had to pull her off of him.  She fractured her hand.  I have only seen the footage.  Joanna filmed the entire thing.  It is rather humorous to watch.  Benny is in the background doubled over with laughter and Danna pulled a sword from her car and threatened to cut Dick’s head off.  Sheriff Mills showed up and took him into custody.”

“Jeez.”

“Hand me some water please,” Castiel gestured to the cooler.

Dean unzipped the cooler and pulled out a bottle of water.  He had not realized Castiel had packed for them to have lunch.  He handed the water to Castiel and zipped the cooler back up.

“Thank you.”

They sat in silence and let the beauty of nature put them at ease.  Dean lay on his stomach and drifted off for a few before Castiel woke him to eat.

“You like taking care of me?” Dean asked as they ate.

“I enjoy it yes.”

“Why do you do it?  I understand the reasoning behind it when I first got here but you continue to do it.”

“I do not know,” Castiel shrugged, “it feels right.  If it bothers you I can stop.”

“No.  I like it,” Dean grinned.

“Alright then.  Where were you before you came to  Bassnectar?” Castiel inquired before he finished his sandwich.

“Maine.  I worked at a mill out there and then crap happened and I was laid off.  I headed south because everyone kept sayin’ there were jobs for people like me and I needed something different. I wasn’t expectin’ to stay here.  I thought I’d hustle some people in pool or cards for cash then leave.  The hospitality and genuine caring of the folks here surprised me.”

“I am glad that you stayed.  I feared that I would scare you off,” Castiel looked out to the lake.

“Why?”

“I called dibs and watched your every move for weeks.  I broke into your apartment, cracked your safe and did not show my face,” Castiel stared unblinking in the distance.

“Castiel,” Dean crumpled the trash and put it in the pocket of the cooler then grabbed Castiel’s hand, “those are the things that made me intrigued.”

“Really?” Castiel turned to face Dean.

“Yes,” Dean chuckled, “anyone that can sneak into my place without me realizing it, crack my safe twice and take care of me the way you did deserved my attention and time.”

“Oh.”

“Can I kiss you?” Dean’s eyes flicked to Castiel’s lips.

“Yes.”

Castiel closed his eyes as Dean leaned forward.  Dean pressed his lips softly against Castiel’s.  Dean moved his lips slowly and fought the urge to touch Castiel as they kissed.  They had not gotten further than light kisses and as much as Dean wanted to move forward he did not want to make Castiel uncomfortable.  Dean leaned into Castiel and increased the pressure of his kisses.  Castiel moaned quietly as his hand moved to Dean’s shoulder.  Castiel pulled back after a few minutes and looked into Dean’s eyes.  They both blushed and bowed their heads.

“I feel 16 all over again,” Dean mumbled.

“You are a really good kisser,” Castiel pressed his forehead against Dean’s.

“Thank you.  You’re pretty good yourself.”

Castiel tilted his head just enough to capture Dean’s lips once more.  His hand moved from Dean’s shoulder to his face.  Dean leaned into the touch as Castiel’s thumb brushed his cheek.  Dean placed his hand over Castiel’s other hand that balanced him on the blanket.  Dean worked his way to his wrist and still got no protest.  Dean lightly trailed his fingers up his arm.  Castiel paused.  With one last kiss he pulled back from Dean.  He smiled at Dean and turned his attention to the fire pit.

“The sun is going down.  I should light this,” Castiel reached into his pocket and pulled out a book of matches.

“Is it safe to be out here after dark?” Dean sat up straight and crossed his legs.

“With me with you, yes.  I know these trails like the back of my hand.  I can guide you even in the dark and the animals will stay away from the fire,” Castiel replied as he got the fire going.

“Okay.”

Dean watched as the sun sank behind the hills appreciative of the experience.  He could not recall the last time he had seen the sun set.  It moved him in a way he wished he could put into words.  Castiel watched Dean from the corner of his eye.  A smile slowly spread across his lips as he witnessed how overwhelmed the sun set made Dean with emotion.

“It’s like poetry personified,” Castiel murmured as to not interrupt Dean’s peace.

“Yeah,” Dean breathily replied.

“Lay back and close your eyes,” Castiel advised as he did the same.

“Hmm?” Dean turned to him and gasped as the setting sun reflected in Castiel’s eyes.

“What?” Castiel brow creased.

“Nothin’,” Dean licked his lips, closed his eyes and settled on his back.

“Do not open them until I say so.”

“Mm hmm,” Dean settled his hands behind his head.

Castiel did not say anything for awhile and Dean was about to say something when he heard Castiel sigh.

“Alright go on and open your eyes.”

Dean was about to comment when his breath caught in his chest.  The sky was lit with stars and he could make out the constellations, could even see a couple of planets, the sky was several different colours that he did not realize existed, and it occurred to him that he had never really seen the night sky before.

“Almost no light pollution.  This is something that always made me feel at peace.  It’s even better if you in the Nevada desert further away from civilization.  I thought that you might like it.”

“Cas I love it,” Dean just stared at the sky in wonderment of something that is always there but never seen.

Castiel turned to Dean and stared at him for a few minutes.  Long enough to get Dean’s attention. Dean turned to him with a curious expression.

“What?”

“You called me Cas,” Castiel blushed.

“Oh uh is that okay?” Dean’s eyes grew wide with panic.

“It’s fine.  You have just always used my full name.”

“Oh,” Dean blushed, “I think I always thought of our relationship to be kinda formal.  This changed it.”

“Our relationship formal?” Castiel chuckled, “I think that you have us confused with someone else.”

“Cute.  You’re makin’ jokes now,” Dean looked back to the sky.

Dean moved one hand in between them palm up.  Castiel got comfortable on his back next to Dean.  A few minutes later Dean felt Castiel’s hand move into his.  Dean smiled and closed his fingers around his hand.


	7. Away From It All Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still on their trip away from town, some questions arise and their first little tiff.

The fire was mere ash when they finally called it a night.  Castiel poured the remaining water into the fire pit to make sure that the embers would not relight.  Dean slung the cooler strap over his shoulder and took Castiel’s hand as he led the way back down the path.  Castiel squeezed his fingers and swung his arm gently as they made their way back to the cabin.

“This was a really great night,” Dean held both of Castiel’s hands when they stopped by his bedroom.

“It was.  It went as great as I expected and that is saying a lot.  I tend to have high expectations,” Castiel smiled demurely at Dean.

“Aw Cas,” Dean brushed his finger tips over Castiel’s palms.

“Cardinal.”

“Good to know.  I’m glad that you set up code words,” Dean dropped his hands and kissed him lightly on the cheek.

“Thank you for being patient.”

“I’m going to go to bed and we will have breakfast tomorrow.  I’ll cook,” Dean kissed his forehead and stepped back.

“Goodnight Dean,” Castiel smiled softly and turned to his room.

Dean shut the door behind him.  Dean changed for bed and lay on the bed as he stared at the ceiling for an hour.  He sighed and rolled over onto his stomach.

<Maybe if I just go in there once he’s sleep I can cuddle with him.  Probably not a good idea.  Why do I even want to cuddle?  I want to smell him.  That’s weird isn’t it?  Jeez what the hell is wrong with me?>

Dean flipped over again, pressed a pillow against his face and yelled into it.  Dean sighed and sat up.  He looked around the room in the dim moonlight that streamed through the window.  He flopped back down on the bed and closed his eyes and hoped for sleep to over take him.

*****

Dean smiled as Castiel shuffled into the front of the cabin.  Castiel was an adorable rumpled mess of bed head and superhero pajamas.  Castiel slumped down in a chair at the table.  Dean stepped away from the stove and placed a cup of tea in front of Castiel.

“I know you don’t care for coffee but here is some black tea that I found in the cupboard.  I put a little honey in it,” Dean turned around and was sure the mumble was a thank you.

Dean finished breakfast and put a plate in front of Castiel.  He poured him some juice and sat the glass by his tea then he got himself a plate and sat down across from Castiel at the table.  Dean tried to hide his smile as Castiel half closed eyes eyed the fork on the table but did not make a motion to reach for it.

“I thought you were a morning person.  You used to be up and out before anyone,” Dean watched Castiel.

“Mmm hmm,” Castiel slowly lifted the tea to his lips and took a long drag, “mmm that’s good.  Thank you,” he grabbed the fork and started on his food.

“You are so damn cute when you’re grumpy,” Dean chuckled.

“You are pretty annoying being so chipper in the morning,” Castiel grumbled.

“Look at you.  There’s a little fire in you after all.”

“I can think of six ways to kill you with just this fork.  Do not push it,” Castiel never took his eyes from his plate.

“Wow.  Mental note not to mess with you until you’ve eaten and showered.”

They finished in silence and Castiel did the dishes while Dean got ready for the day.  Castiel showered and dressed after Dean was finished and they met back in the little living room area.

“I was trying to avoid you.”

“What?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“That was why I was always up so early.  I would get things done before you would appear.  I would most likely just not go to sleep.  An object in motion continues in motion whereas an object at rest stays at rest,” Castiel smiled.

“Did you just use inertia to explain not going to sleep at night?” Dean gave a breathy laugh.

“Yes.”

“You are a nerd.”

“Come on,” Castiel stood from the couch, “I have a place I would like to show you.  I have packed our lunch.  We will be back in time to have dinner here.”

Castiel lead them through the forest again on a different path.  He stopped at the mouth of a cave and lit the lantern.

“We’re goin’ in there?” Dean hesitated.

“It is safe I promise.”

“But there could be danger in there that you are not aware of.”

“I promise there are no bears.  This is not bear country.  I have done this hundreds of times,” Castiel assured Dean.

“I don’t know,” Dean looked wearily into the cave.

“I’ll protect you,” Castiel took his hand.

Dean sighed and with a nod he followed Castiel into the cave.  Dean realized it was more a cavern than a regular cave.  In the distance he could hear water rushing.  They walked for a while and Castiel stopped and sat down the lantern.  He pulled the blanket from his bag and rolled it out.

“Wow,” Dean looked around.

There was a hole a few hundred meters above their heads that allowed the sun light to come in.  They sat at the edge of the water along the rock formations and Dean realized that the cavern had to have been carved over hundreds of years by water.  The tunnels were not manmade and the shapes were irregular.   The sun reflected off the water and the minerals on the walls picked it up and glittered.

“You really know how to impress a guy,” Dean smiled.

“Not really.  Just you,” Castiel looked to the water.

“You’re a sap.”

“I’m honest.  I would never have brought anyone else here whether we were dating or not.”

“Then thank you.”

They did not talk much while they enjoyed the atmosphere.  They packed up after a light lunch and headed back.

“Do you know how to ride a horse?” Castiel asked as they got to a bend in the path.

“Cas I’m from Texas.  I could ride a horse in my sleep at eight years old.”

“Good,” Castiel tugged on his sleeve and lead him down a different path than they had come up.

The path let out at the stables.  Castiel placed their bags in a locker and grabbed two saddles. 

“I don’t saddle,” Dean took the saddle pad but handed the saddle back to Castiel.

“Alright.  Then you should take Shelby.  She’s the chestnut mare in box six.  I’m going to get Snow White.  Meet me in the fields parallel from here.”

Dean nodded and went to Shelby as Castiel rounded the corner. 

“Hey there girl,” Dean raised his hand slowly and stroked her muzzle, “want to go for a ride?”

Shelby nudged Dean to unlock her gate.  Dean laughed and let her out. He placed the saddle pad over her back and hoisted himself up.  He ran his fingers through her mane and took hold of her reigns.  He led her out to the field Castiel had told him to meet him at.  Dean walked her slowly around until a streak of black caught his attention.  He turned them around and his mouth dropped.  Castiel moved to them beautifully perched in the saddle on a Friesian.   Snow White was jet black and her coat shown great under the afternoon sun.  Castiel looked like a prince as he headed to them.

“She’s gorgeous,” Dean said when Castiel pulled to a stop next to him with a grin.

“She and I go back.  I’ve missed her,” Castiel stroked her neck softly.

“You look at home up there.  Regal and elegant,” Dean felt his cheeks warm.

“You look very handsome riding Shelby.  Tamara says they haven’t been out in awhile so we can take them for a good ride.”

“Okay let’s go then,” Dean clicked his tongue and Shelby began a slow gallop.

“There is a pond about a klick south of here,” Castiel smiled devilishly over his shoulder, “race you.”

“Let’s warm them up some and it’s on.”

After the warm up they stopped side by side and took off to the pond.  The thunder of the hooves caused Dean’s heart to race.  He relaxed and allowed Shelby to move without resistance.  He glanced over and Castiel looked magnificent on Snow White.  Dean smiled at how at home he looked in the saddle.  Castiel won the race easily since Dean really had not tried once they had taken off.  They left the horses by the pond.  Castiel shook a few apples free of the tree and put them down for the horses.  Castiel settled on the ground under the tree beside Dean.

“I didn’t think Friesian’s was that common anymore.  She is stunning.”

“They aren’t as common here but she was left behind.  I raised her here with the others.”

“You are amazing,” Dean turned to Castiel.

“Why do you say that?” Castiel looked down at his lap.

“Castiel, you have so many skills, lived through so much and have made this date wonderful.  I’ve done things I would never think of, things that I had not done in years and you introduced me to nature.  I love nature now,” Dean chuckled as he took Castiel’s hand.

“Oh.”

“Kiss me,” Dean leaned in.

Castiel swallowed hard and leaned into Dean’s embrace.  They kissed gently until Castiel pulled back.  He smiled at Dean then leaned back against the tree.

“It has been good.  We are going to have to head back soon or you will start getting grumpy.”

“Me?” Dean pouted.

“If you miss dinner you are not going to be happy,” Castiel smiled.

“Let’s give them a few then we can make our way slowly back.”

“Alright.  Do you want to drive back tonight or wake early and drive before your shift?”

“Tonight.  I’m not promising early will work.  We’ll eat, pack, nap then head out.”

“Sounds good.”

They rode back in silence.  Dean inhaled and settled back on Shelby as they made their way back slowly to the stables.  Dean watched Castiel as the stables came into sight.  Castiel was the most at ease as Dean had ever seen him.  Dean smiled pleased to share it all with Castiel.

Dean rubbed his belly after they finished dinner.  Castiel did the dishes and made sure that the kitchen was tidy before he went to his room to pack.  Dean walked to his room and pushed the door as he pulled out his bag.  He unzipped it and spotted the bag that Danna had given him.  He smiled.  He had not needed any of it.  Dean glanced over his shoulder and the door was close enough to being closed.  Dean took off his jacket and flannel and then undid his jeans.  He sat on the bed and rummaged through the bag for the lubricant.  He undid the seal and sat it on the bed beside him.

Dean closed his eyes and let his mind wander to all the things he had thought about that was possible on his mini holiday.  Dean pushed his boxers over his hips and idly stroked himself.  He moaned softly.  He flipped open the lid of the lubricant and poured a little into his palm.  Dean imagined Castiel on his stomach and his mouth wrapped around him.  Dean pushed into his loose fist at the thought of Castiel taking him deep in his throat.  Then his mind switched to Castiel on his back and him buried deep in him.  Castiel’s imaginary moans filled his ears.  He imagined how tight and welcoming Castiel would be.  He tightened his fist and he was close.  The thought of Castiel giving him his all and how his face would look in ecstasy pushed Dean over the edge.

“Castiel,” Dean whimpered, “oh god Cas yes.”

Dean moaned as the wet warmth spilled over his hand.  He rested his head on the pillow and caught his breath.

“Dean?” a soft voice sounded from the door.

Dean’s eyes went wide and he grabbed the towel he left in the bedroom from his shower.  He wiped up quickly and tucked himself back in his boxers.

“Uh,” Dean swallowed, “hey Cas,” he wished the bed would open up and swallow him.

“I was,” Castiel looked at the floor, “going for my toothbrush and I heard my name.”  

“Sorry.”

“Were you masturbating?” Castiel moved into the room.

“Cas let’s pretend this didn’t happen,” Dean pulled on his shirt and grabbed his pants.

“What’s this?” Castiel saw the bag that Danna had given him.

“Oh nothing,” Dean moved to grab it but was too slow.

“Dean,” Castiel’s eyes went wide as he saw the content, “dove,” he said his red light word, “were you expecting something from this trip?”

“Castiel, see, this isn’t want it looks like,” Dean threw his hands up defensively and his pants fell, “Danna gave it to me.”

“You were touching yourself and you said my name,” Castiel face reddened as he went through the bag.

“I was and I did.  It wasn’t something I planned.  I was packing and I pulled the bag out.  I had gotten a little excited and took care of it before I saw you again.”

“You are not trying to get me into bed?” Castiel crossed his arms to hide his hands as they twitched.

“No never.  Cas I would take you at home not away from it all.  This just happened because I had so much pent up, uh, energy.”

“Maybe this is not going to work,” Castiel shook his head and turned to leave.

“Cas,” Dean grabbed his arm.

Castiel turned, yanked his arm free, without a thought punched Dean, dropped down and swept his leg from under him.

“Fuck,” Dean fell to the floor.

Castiel’s mouth fell open as he watched Dean hit the floor.

“Sorry,” Castiel turned and knelt by his side, “reaction.  I did not mean to hurt you.”

“I’m fine,” Dean pushed Castiel away.

Dean sat up and took a moment before he stood.  He packed the things back into the bag and put in his suit case. 

“I’ll get my things and we can hit the road,” Castiel whispered.

“Nap first.  Don’t want to be too tired.”

“Right.  Again,” Castiel looked over his shoulder, “I’m sorry for that.  You should put some ice on it.”

“Mm hm.”

Dean waited for Castiel to go back to his room before he went to the kitchen and grabbed an ice pack from the freezer.  He went back to the bedroom and lay down.  He held the icepack to his face and groaned.  Dean knew they had to talk but the anger that had welled in him was not something he wanted to release on Castiel.  They would clear the air on the drive back.  Dean closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading and leaving kudos! You guys rock!


	8. The More You Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more insight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that the character death that was mentioned before gets touch upon in this chapter. Again no death taking place but a major and minor characters death will be discussed.

The jeep was quiet as they made their way back to the highway.  Dean clinched and unclenched his fists then let out a sigh.  He turned to Castiel and saw his knuckles almost white around the steering wheel.

“Castiel we need to talk about what happened.  I don’t think that your reaction was called for and I need to know why the outburst happened,” Dean murmured.

Dean was greeted with silence.  He turned back and faced front.  They drove on for a few more minutes before Dean turned back to face Castiel.

“Castiel.  Please.  If we go back with this in between us then it will fester and get worse.  At least that’s what my shrink used to say.”

“Dean.  It was not your fault,” Castiel mumbled, “I should not have reacted the way I did.  There are ghosts in my past that come back to haunt me.”

“Then talk about it.  I can’t promise I’ll be so understanding in the future,” Dean encouraged him.

“I cannot talk about it.”

“Have you talked about it before?”

“Yes.  When I had to talk with the police,” Castiel replied with his mouth in a thin line.

“Police?” Dean watched Castiel’s face, “is this why you did time?”

“No,” Castiel jaw tightened.

“Report against someone else?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Dean nodded, “so then why’d you do jail time?” he switched topics.

“Destruction of public property,” Castiel answered in an even tone.

“I don’t think so.  You spent more than a year in prison determined by the way you behave.”

“Public federal property,” Castiel amended.

“Oh.  Sounds like fun,” Dean looked back out the windshield.

“It was at the time until the police showed up.  I may have defaced city hall and I may have vandalized the federal building in my city.  Then I got released and joined the military.  The rest is history.”

“I can’t imagine you vandalizing anything,” Dean chuckled.

“I was an activist.  I had several times where I was detained.  I was only ever arrested the once though.  I resisted arrest so I got a higher sentence than I would have.  I was released after five years because of good behavior,” Castiel’s hands loosened on the steering wheel.

“Well I’m glad that you got out early.  Prison can change you.  Sounds like you were in minimum security,” Dean nodded and turned to look out the passenger side window to hide his face.

“There are things about me that I need to share with you.  I am told that I still demonstrate signs of PTSD even all these years later.  Part of why I reacted the way I did.  I cannot apologize enough.  The bedroom and the items brought back memories I thought long forgotten.  I am not comfortable revealing so much to you.  I am sorry for that,” Castiel glanced to Dean as he pulled onto the highway.

“I know.  There are things that I need to share too.  It’s going to be tough.  I wasn’t joking when I said this is new to me and you would have to be patient.  I have a bunch of baggage,” Dean sighed.

“I know.  We will work it out.  I will try not to hit you again.  How is your face?”

“Good,” Dean looked back to Castiel, “the ice helped and I am pretty tough.  Though you pack one hell of a hook.  I didn’t expect something like that from someone so . . . compact.”

“Lithe and lean can be misleading,” Castiel smiled, “I do not wish to be bulky because I lose my edge of surprise.  I am quick and lethal.”

“Which branch of the military did you serve?”

“I cannot answer that,” Castiel’s smile dropped.

“Must have been army,” Dean joked, “army brats are like that.”

“Definitely not army.  I have orders to maintain silence or else I will be put back in prison.  It’s a confidentiality clause in my discharge.”

“Oh.  So when I joked about spec ops I wasn’t far off.  Okay that is news to deal with.  Also explains your reflexes.  I am going to assume you still work out and train somewhere privately to stay sharp.”

“I do.  I have a partner that works with me to maintain my muscle memory and keep in shape.  Thank you for understanding that I cannot say more,” Castiel focused on the road and made no attempt to glance at Dean.

“Oh it’s starting to snow,” Dean gazed out the window.

“I knew the winter was going to poke its head into the fall.  I was not lying when I said the weather would be too cold soon.  We only have about half an hour left to drive we’ll be fine.”

Castiel spoke the words too soon.  The snow got heavier and visibility was almost nonexistent.

“Shit are you sure you can make it through this?” Dean squinted as if it would help.

“Not sure.  I think we’ve just added another fifteen minutes to our drive.  I can hardly see,” Castiel sighed unhappily.

“Maybe you should get off the highway and drive the regular roads.”

“The fastest way to a destination is a straight line.  If we get off then it will greatly extend our drive time.  especially with the snow.  It would take us an hour to get home,” Castiel slowed to a safer speed as the snow fall got worse.

“Maybe we should pull over and wait for VDOT to clear the roads.”

“Call Danna.  She has a place off the next exit.”

“It’s one in the morning.”

“She owes us after that little stunt with the bag,” Castiel said firmly, “plus it’s Danna.”

“You’re right,” Dean grabbed Castiel’s mobile and dialed Danna’s number.

“Castiel, my queen of the Roadhouse how can I help you?” Danna shouted over the loud music.

“It’s Dean.  Get out of the bar for a second.”

“What’s up?” Danna had moved to a quieter location.

“We are in bad snow fall.  Castiel says that you have a house off the Longview exit.”

“Oh yes.”

Danna gave directions to Dean on how to get to her place and he relayed them to Castiel as he took the exit.

“I’m not sure we’re going to be back in time.”

“I’ll cover you.  I’ll let Benny know.  The snow is beautiful.”

“Are you standing in the snow Danna?” Dean grinned.

“Maybe,” Danna dragged out the A sound.

“Of course.  Get inside before you catch pneumonia.”

“See ya later.”

Dean hung the phone up and looked around.  Danna’s place was right off the exit a few kilometers.

“Why does she live in the hotel if she has a place?”

“This is her rental property.  She likes the hotel better.  She will have to explain it all to you.  It isn’t my story to tell,” Castiel pulled into the driveway.

“How do we know there isn’t a tenant right now?” Dean asked as Castiel cut the engine.

“They moved out a month ago.  She has not had anyone take interest.  Sorry about being caught in the snow.  I thought we had more time.  I knew it was coming but I expected it this weekend.”

“It’s not your fault,” Dean smiled.

“We should just grab our overnight bags.  She will have everything else we need.”

“Right.  I’ll grab the bags you go open up.  She said that the key was in the owl.”

“Alright.”

Once inside Castiel went to the thermostat and turned the heat up.  Dean placed the bags by the stairs.  They kicked off their wet shoes at the door and stood by the stairs.  Dean let his eyes roam over what he could see of the living room to the left and kitchen and dining room to the right.

“This is a really nice place.  She has everything updated and modern and it’s super clean and organized.  She rents it furnished?”

“Yes.  She changed out the furniture last week.  There’s a bedroom down here.  There are three upstairs so you may have your pick of those.  I will sleep down here,” Castiel said as he picked up his bag.

“Have you been here before?”

“Yes.  Danna will throw a party here every now and again.  I am going to go on to bed.”

“Alright I’ll see you in the morning.”

Dean watched Castiel walk down the hall and stood for a moment in thought before he grabbed his bag.    Dean chose the bedroom closest to the stairs and shut the door behind him. 

<Please be clear in the morning.  This alone time may get awkward.>

Dean changed for bed and snuggled down in the covers.

*****

Dean shivered as he broke out in a cold sweat.  He tossed and turned in his sleep as images of Sam’s tattered and broken body flashed.  Adam’s discolored body hung from the rafters joined the images of Sam.  Dean knew he was sleep and tried to wake but could not.

“Why Dean?” Adam’s eyes opened but his lips did not move, “why did you let them take me?  Why did you abandon me?”

“I-I didn’t,” Dean reached for Adam, “I swear I didn’t know Adam.”

“You forgot about me Dean,” Adam’s body swung as his lifeless eyes followed Dean’s movements.

The scene flashed to Sam’s struggling body on the concrete.  Blood poured from the gashes and bullet wounds.  Dean dropped to his knees as tears streamed down his face.  He grabbed Sam’s body as he shivered.

“Why Dean?  Why?” Sam’s voice gurgled as his lungs filled with blood.

“S-sammy.  I didn’t,” Dean sobbed onto Sam’s torn chest, “I was there. I was just late.  Too late.”

Sam’s eyes fluttered and met Dean’s, “you weren’t there.”

“I failed you both,” Dean cried and his words slurred, “too late for you.  Not there for Adam.”

Sam’s body convulsed hard and he wheezed.

“Sammy!” Dean yelled, “Adam!”

Dean yelled their names repeatedly.

“Dean,” a new voice called.

Dean’s head jerked up.  His eyes scanned the area.  He heard the voice again.  A bright light down the sidewalk shimmered.  Dean clutched Sam’s body and ignored Adam’s that swung in the corner of his eye.

“Dean,” the blue white light grew and the world began to shake.

Dean sat straight up in the bed as his breath harshly spilled from him.  His vision blurred and his face was wet with tears.  Dean tried to gain his surroundings and noticed a soothing hand rubbed his back.  Dean turned to the body in bed next to him.

“C-cas?” Dean mumbled.

“Yes,” Castiel’s voice was soft.

“What?”

“I am assuming a nightmare.  I heard your screams,” Castiel kept his voice calm and his hand on Dean’s back.

“Thank you,” Dean closed his eyes and steadied his breathing.

“I’m going to get you some water.  I will be right back.”

“Okay,” Dean held his head in his hands.

Castiel hesitated a moment then got up off of the bed.  He went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and ran back up stairs.  He handed it to Dean.  Dean guzzled down the water.

“Who are Sam and Adam?”

Dean shook his head.

“Want to talk about it?” Castiel resumed the slow hand on Dean’s back.

“No,” Dean shook his head again.

“Alright.  When you are ready,” Castiel did not remove his hand as Dean calmed.

Dean leaned into Castiel and closed his eyes.  He tossed the empty bottle to the floor and wrapped his arms around Castiel.  They stayed that way until Dean fell back to sleep.

Castiel ran his fingers through Dean’s hair as he adjusted their position to a more comfortable one.

Dean woke later curled into Castiel.  Dean smiled into Castiel’s chest and tightened his arms.

“You’re awake?” Castiel asked softly.

“I should be but this could be a dream.”

“Your flirtation is in need of work but I will accept it all the same,” Castiel giggled.

“I adore your honesty.  So we kinda slept together,” Dean looked up into Castiel’s eyes for signs of panic.

“For the second time,” Castiel smiled, “we shared the couch that once yesterday before we left for the caverns.”

“Yes,” Dean smiled fondly at the thought.

“I’m sorry that you have bad dreams,” Castiel pushed his fingers back into Dean’s hair.

“I’ve always had them,” Dean frowned and shrugged, “I think talking of your past triggered my memories.  I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“No worries Dean.  I was waking up anyway.  We’re snowed in.”

“Oh.  So I guess we get a little more time on our mini holiday,” Dean smiled again.

“Danna has a full bluray library to choose from.  Even the original Star Wars trilogy,” Castiel grinned.

“Nice.  You know a way to my heart.”

“I remember you saying that it was a comfort for you.”

“Then we will watch those.  Let me get up and make breakfast.  I’ll see what she has then we can watch movies until it clears,” Dean reluctantly pulled out of Castiel’s arms.

Dean was happily surprised that there was a fully stocked pantry and fridge.  He assumed that Danna had been out there and had plans to throw one of the parties Castiel had mentioned.  Dean made a large breakfast spread and sat up the coffee table with food as Castiel brought in blankets. 

“This looks delicious,” Castiel responded as he eyed the food.

“Danna knows how to stock her kitchen.  I had a lot to work with.”

Castiel put in the first movie and they settled down for the day of lazing about until the snow cleared. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for taking the time to read! May your day be filled with laughter and chocolate.


	9. Emotional Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of what the title implies. It's a tad bit emotional while they are communicating.
> 
> Same warning as before with the talk of the death of a minor character.

Dean climbed out of bed exhausted.  The nightmares had not ceased.  By time he was showered and dressed Castiel had made breakfast.  Dean went straight to the coffee maker and made sure he was fully caffeinated before he said a word.  They ate in silence until Castiel could not handle it any more.

“The roads are clear.  We can leave whenever you are ready.  I have already gotten my belongings gathered.  I will shovel the drive so we can get out.”

“Mm hmm,” Dean sipped his coffee and stared at the table.

“Dean,” Castiel reached out and placed his hand on Dean’s around the mug, “would you like to talk now?”

“Cas,” Dean sighed, “I can’t.  I think I want to but I can’t.  It still hurts.”

“You have mentioned that you have been in therapy before.  What would your therapist advise you of at this point?”

“To  talk about it,” Dean mumbled.

“Then talk to me,” Castiel pulled his hand away and stood, “I’ll clean up the kitchen while you get your thoughts together.”

Dean watched as Castiel gathered their breakfast dishes and cleaned up the kitchen.

“While I was overseas I lost a brother.  No one contacted me until I got back to our base camp a month after.  I had letters from Sam and the pastor we grew up around.  I took the next flight out.  Because of where I was stationed it was a week after before I got back here.  Adam was gone and I hadn’t known.  Sam had to deal with it all by himself for over a month.  I have dreams about Adam.  He tells me I left him.  That I abandoned him.  I feel that way.  If I had been home maybe I coulda saved him,” Dean stared into the mug.

“Oh Dean,” Castiel ignored the urge to go over and embrace him, “I am sorry that you had to experience that type of lost.  I know that lost if tough and with having been so far away was challenging but never blame yourself.”

“You don’t understand,” Dean swallowed hard, “Adam killed himself.”

“Oh,” Castiel stopped his motions as he thought of how to reply.

“Yeah see it isn’t that easy.  If I had been home I would have seen that he wasn’t right , ya know, that something was wrong.  I coulda save him from himself.”

“There is no way of knowing that.  People that take their own lives statistically will have done so whether there was help or not.  Once they have their mind set on it then they will go with it either way.”

“Adam wrote me a letter.  I got it when I got all the others.  If had not been on that mission I would have been there.  His letter,” Dean closed his eyes and gripped the mug to keep his hands still, “it was a goodbye.  It wasn’t his _letter_ but once I read it I could see.  The tone was different from all the others he had written in the past.  Even if it involved going AWOL I would have gone to him.  That stupid fuckin’ mission,” before he knew it Dean had thrown the coffee mug.

Castiel jumped as the mug shattered against the wall.  Castiel stared at the mess for a moment before his eyes returned to Dean.  Dean’s shoulders shook and his hands were fisted.  After a moment Castiel retrieved the broom and swept the glass up.

“I’m sorry,” Dean mumbled as he knelt down and scrubbed up the coffee residue.

“It’s alright.”

“I’ll, uh, go pack my things.”

Castiel nodded. 

Dean went to the bedroom and flopped down on the bed.  He let the sobs melt into the pillow as he let the emotion out.  His shoulders eased once he was done.  He went to the bathroom and washed his face then returned and packed up his belongings. 

Castiel remained quiet as they loaded their bags and got in the jeep.  He stayed quiet until they reached the highway.  He glanced at Dean.

“Thank you for sharing with me.  I was never close with my family.  They did not agree with my activist ways.  My family could have paid my bail and I would have been released.  They work for one of the corporations and politicians I stood up against and they did not want to tarnish their _good_ name by assisting me.  Since I legally had my surname changed when I was 18 there was no direct relations that they were not able to cover up.  That is why when I was released I went to the military.  I had no other place to go.  I would have been back being the black sheep of my family and I could not stomach that,” Castiel kept his eyes on the road as they made their way home.

“Your family let you sit in jail because they didn’t want to be associated with you?  That is bullshit.  How much was the bail?  You couldn’t get a bond?” Dean turned from the window to face Castiel.

“I had nothing to post as collateral.  I didn’t have anything worth two and a half million dollars,” Castiel shrugged.

“What?” Dean exclaimed, “two and a half million dollars!  Why the hell was your bond that much?  Even with federal charges of vandalism that seems awfully high.”

“I was a flight risk.  They took my passport and I was not allowed to leave the country on active duty until I got reevaluated.  If I did not possess the skills and capabilities for the branch I was in they would not have accepted me as a felon.”

“You traded one prison for another.”

“I did not feel I had a choice back then.  If I had it to do all again I would remember to wear gloves and a mask.”

“So you would have done it all the same otherwise?”

“There are real problems that the government lets go unnoticed and unresolved.  If I would not be permanently detained I would go back to that lifestyle.”

“So you only have the one job at NOLAs, how do you do so much?  How can you afford the lifestyle that you lead?” Dean studied Castiel’s face while he spoke.

“I do not feel comfortable going further in this conversation,” Castiel’s fingers tightened around the steering wheel.

“Cas we’re building our foundation here.  You can tell me.  I won’t judge you,” Dean placed a hand on his thigh and gave a gentle squeeze. <Please don’t be in the mafia.  Or be a terrorist. Or anything that is going to make me have to stop caring about you.>

“Dean,” Castiel took a deep breath, “I am the executor of my brother’s estate.”

“I thought that you said your family disowned you,” Dean’s brow creased.

“Most of them did but Gabriel did not.  I do not have to work if I do not want to.  Besides the estate I also get a check from the military.  I like my job and I do not have to touch the accounts since I make enough to live off of at NOLAs.”

<Oh shit his brother passed.  I shouldn’t’ve brought it up.  It was hard for me so I know he’s got to be feeling it.>

“Sorry I won’t ask any more questions about family,” Dean ducked his head.

“Thank you.  I will talk more about it in the future.  Like you said, we are building our foundation.  I think we have given up enough information this trip,” Castiel glanced at Dean and gave him a soft smile.

They spent the rest of the drive in silence.  They were greeted with open arms when they returned to the Roadhouse. They took their bags to their respective apartments before they converged in the bar.  Kevin served them from the bar then they went to a booth.

“Danna you and I will have a conversation alone later,” Castiel sat down beside Dean.

“Shit did you find my secret sex room?”

“What?” Dean choked out.

“Oh.  Nothing,” Danna batted her eyes innocently, “sure we can talk later and there is no hidden door in the basement.”

“I don’t know whether to believe you or not,” Stephanie narrowed her eyes, “you could have a secret sex room or be pulling our chain because that is so you.”

“Anyway,” Danna winked, “how was your holiday before the snow?”

“Wonderful,” Dean grinned, “Cas really knows how be romantic and show me a good time.”

“Ooh it’s Cas now,” Kevin teased as he brought refills for the others, “sounds like it was a really great trip.”

“It was,” Castiel blushed.

“Any hanky-panky?” Julie wiggled her eyebrows.

“That is completely not your business,” Dean looked to the table.

“Oh shit Dean got laid,” Danna laughed.

“We were intimate without intercourse,” Castiel corrected.

“Cas,” Dean hissed.

“If we did not give them something it would be the same questions for another hour.”

“He’s right shug,” Julie nodded, “we’re pretty darn persistent.”

“Okay order me some food I need to hit the head.  I’ll be right back,” Dean scooted out the booth.

Dean went to the restroom and looked at his reflection.  He sighed and turned on the cold water.  He splashed his face and took several deep breaths.  Their time had revealed a lot between them and the questions took him to the edge. Dean was aware that it was all in jest from their friends but it had hit him all the same.

<Why am I so vulnerable?> He looked at his reflection again.  He dried his face and went back.  He plastered on an easy grin and settled back in beside Castiel. 

Castiel’s hand rested on Dean’s knee under the table.  Dean fell into the conversation as he rested his hand over Castiel’s. 

After lunch they headed to their apartments.

“I have a shift tonight so I’m gonna catch a few winks,” Dean took Castiel’s hands in his, “I enjoyed our time off together.  I mean that sincerely.  Okay?”

“I know,” Castiel smiled, “got get some rest.”

Castiel kissed Dean.  Dean made a pleased noise and pressed forward as his arm wrapped around Castiel’s waist.

“I love your lips,” Dean murmured as they parted.

“Go take your nap,” Castiel chuckled and pulled gently away.

“What are you gonna do while I sleep?”

“Dean you are amazing but my life doesn’t revolve around you.  I have lots to catch up on and a conversation with Danna to have.”

“It was in name of fun.  Don’t chew her out.”

“I will see later.”

Dean gave him a quick kiss then went to his own apartment.

 

“I thought it was funny,” Danna crossed her legs as she watched Castiel pace in front of her couch.

“Danna it could have made him feel pressured.  Or worse it could have made me feel pressured.  I am not ready for that step yet.  We are taking our time to get to know each other,” Castiel had decided not tell her about his reaction.

“Castiel you are in need of a good deep dickin’.”

“Danna!”

“You have not had sex in an extremely long time,” Dana continued on, “Dean is a good man.  You think I haven’t read his lines or tarot cards?  He is a good man and you are good for each other.”

“None of that new age stuff Danna.”

“You have to open yourself up and allow Dean to show you how wonderful sex can be.  It will bring you closer together,” Danna still ignored his interjections, “Dean is going to do good by you.  He has a dark past and has things that he will never speak into the light but he is someone that you can trust.  If he hadn’t already proven that to you the stars are aligned for you.  Castiel you have a past that is not so spectacular either and you will keep secrets from him as well.  You guys fuckin’ work and the next step is to jump in the sack dammit.  I have to live vicariously through you.”

“Can I speak now?” Castiel tapped his foot.

“You may.”

“Dean is as wonderful as you have stated and I do care for him but I do not want to complicate it with a physical relationship.”

“Cas honey,” Danna stood and hugged him to her, “sex will bring you closer.  I don’t mean that in the way others say because I would never condone you givin’ it up to just anyone.  Dean is your Ennis.”

“Is that the only gay couple you could come up with?” Castiel smiled into her shoulder.

“Dammit it’s one of my favorite movies even if it has Jake Gyllenhaal in it,” Danna laughed and let Castiel go.

“There are several better gay love stories than Broke Back Mountain though.  I will educate you later.  I’m glad that we could have this talk.  I needed it.”

“Good.  You missed our session yesterday.  You wanna go down and spar?”

“Yes.  Let me go grab my bag.”

Castiel pleased the Danna was free because the workout would help relax him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys realize this but you rock! Thanks so much for reading, kudos and comments. You spend part of your day with me and I appreciate it. It's like a pat on the back of encouragement.
> 
> May your day be filled with peace, love and sooouuuul!
> 
> Hmm . . . depending on the generations that are reading this that may go over your heads. So for my younger generations have a smurfic day!


	10. Advancement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New things.

Dean stood in the middle of the General Store electronic section.  He took several deep breaths and tried to calm himself.  Dean let his eyes scan over all of his options and tried not to panic.

“I’m sorry.  This is his first mobile,” Kevin told the sales representative.

“I see.  Mobile phones can be intimidating.  Why don’t  you start off with something basic?  There is no need to jump into all the advanced smart phones when it will be too much tech for ya,” the petite brunette woman said.

“I’ll help him pick something.  I’ll come get you when we’re ready,” Kevin tipped his head to signal her to move on.

“Alrighty then.”

“Dean,” Kevin spoke softly as he took Dean’s arm, “let’s go this way.  I think those phones would be too overwhelming.”

“But it’s like Cas’ phone,” Dean looked up at Kevin with wide eyes.

“It is.  However Cas can build a phone if he really tried.  He helped me build my computer battle station at home.  The man’s smart when it comes to electronics.  You are not a master of electronic devices.  I’ve see you when you had to cover the register the other night.  We’ll want to get you something a little less tech but enough so you don’t feel like an old man,” Kevin stopped in front of a new display with phones that were both touch screen and had a keyboard.

Dean visibly relaxed, “I like these ones.  Not too shiny or small.  This is kinda like my old one.”

Dean picked up a clunky device that looked as if it would not fit into his pocket.  Dean played with it and a smile spread across his face.

“It looks like you found one.  Is the touch screen too much for you?” Kevin watched Dean’s face.

“No.  I think I can get used to it.  With the keyboard it will make it easier.  Then next year I can get one of those newfangled ones like you and Cas,” Dean smiled proudly.

“This one is a little older but here,” Kevin pointed to the side of the display, “is the new version and it will be more comfortable for using and it comes in forest green.”

“Ooh,” Dean sat down the other and picked up the one Kevin help out, “yes this is the one I want.”

“Awesome.  Now we have to choose a plan for you.  Do you plan on doing a lot of talking?”

“Not really.  It’ll be for emergencies.  Cas does a lot of text messaging so I need that.  I want to text message a lot too.  I also need something called angry birds.  I like that on Cas’ phone,” Dean grinned excitedly.

“I’ll pick out your plan.  We can get you a good deal,” Kevin bit his lip and tried not to laugh at Dean’s child like enthusiasm.

“Sorry that I don’t know this stuff.  It wasn’t something we dealt with then I was your age and being in prison it wasn’t a necessity.  Thank you for helping me out man.  I know I’m a little giddy but I like new things.  It feels like Christmas,” Dean smiled.

“No worries I think it’s adorable.”

Kevin found the woman and finished their purchase.  Kevin programmed in all the staffs’ numbers for Dean.  He showed Dean how to add new people if he needed to, how to access the internet and how to download applications from the play store.  Dean happily played with the phone as they rode the Coach back.

**Dean: hey blue eyes**

**Cas: Dean?**

**Dean: I better be the only one calling you blue eyes.**

**Cas: You have a phone now.  This is very interesting.**

**Dean: y?**

**Cas: I will be able to reach you at any time now** **J I will also be able to track you through your GPS**

**Dean: I don’t know if you’re joking or not**

**Cas: I am only partially serious.**

**Dean: I like that you’re kinda dangerous**

**Cas: I am almost done at the church if you would like to meet for lunch.**

Dean giggled and Kevin turned to him and shook his head.  Kevin mouthed ‘Castiel?’ and Dean nodded.

**Dean: sure lunch sounds great.  NOLAs?**

**Cas: No I have somewhere else in mind.  I’ll meet you at my room.  Get Ellen to give you the key just in case I am running late.**

**Dean: k**

“You are awful,” Kevin chuckled.

“Whatever.”

“Have you told him yet?”

“Hm?  Told him what?” Dean slipped his phone in the case on his hip.

“That you love him.”

“Whoa there,” Dean looked wide eyed at Kevin, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Dude you’ve been dating for awhile and the way you guys look at each other.  They way you two talk about each other and overall the fact that he trust you enough to take you away to a place that no one knows of and you come back more connected.  You two are in it for the long run,” Kevin smiled softly at him.

“I don’t know if I can love like that so soon.”

“You already do but you haven’t seen it yet. Just know he feels the same.  With all your baggage and your secrets you are still good together.  When you’re ready you’ll say it.”

Dean just nodded and grabbed his bags as the Coach pulled in front of the Roadhouse.  Kevin followed him from the Coach.  They entered the lobby and Bobby and Ellen were behind the counter in deep discussion and Bobby looked irritated.  Kevin slipped away to the bar as Dean walked to the counter.

“That idjit shoulda given me damn notice,” Bobby took off his signature baseball cap and tossed it to the floor.

“Hey now that language isn’t allowed here,” Dean smiled, “what’s goin’ on?  I ain’t never seen Bobby this mad and it wasn’t involving sports or some bum hittin’ on Joanna.  Shit is someone hittin’ Jo? I’ll pummel him.”

“No,” Ellen smiled, “Steve quit without warning and it’s one of Bobby’s busiest times of the year.  Everyone’s gettin’ ready for the winter season.  Now he’s down two people because Jeff had a family emergency.”

“I got six cars in port that were promised to be out by this evening,” Bobby picked up his hat and put it back on.

“Bobby take a deep breath, grab some coffee and I’ll meet you at the garage.  I have an idea,” Dean said with a wink.

“Trust him,” Ellen patted Bobby on back as Dean walked away.

**Dean: change of plans.  I have to help Bobby out.  We’ll do dinner.**

Dean changed clothes and headed to the garage a few blocks away.  Bobby stood with his coffee as he talked with Joanna and they tried get the schedule together.

“What’s already in the bay?” Dean asked as he pulled up a pair of overalls from the bin.

“Dean what do you think you’re doin’?” Joanna asked as she looked pass Bobby.

“Helpin’ out Bobby.”

“Boy I can’t have you in here,” Bobby looked him over.

“You can.”

“Fine then tell me what’s wrong with that truck?” Bobby sipped his coffee and pointed to bay three.

Dean walked passed Ash, a guy with a mullet, waist deep in a Escalade and Kenneth, a red headed guy, elbow deep in Porsche.  Dean stopped in front the Silverado.  He checked the work slip tacked to the open hood.  Dean nodded at the symptoms and went straight into the truck.

Thirty minutes later Dean returned back to Bobby.  He wiped his hand on his rag and smiled.

“He’s good to go.  Valves repaired, carburetor cleaned and the fuel injection system needed a little tweaking.”

“Hm.  In short time as well,” Bobby nodded impressed.

“I’m certified sir.  I can help you out.  I can give you my info and you can find me in the system,” Dean leaned against the counter.

“Dean,” Castiel called from the door.

“Hey buddy.  Sorry I have to skip out.  I want to help Bobby clear out the bay for the day.”

“I know I got your message.  I just wanted to know what time to expect you.”

Joanna giggled and went into the back office.

“Do we know whatever’s wrong with the other vehicles?” Dean turned to Bobby.

“Yup.”

“Alright.  I’ll be outta here about seven.  Give me time to shower and we can go out for dinner.”

“Alright then.  Come to my place when you're done.”

“Will do.”

Castiel left back out and Dean to Bobby.  Dean frowned as he took in the grin on Bobby.

“You two,” Bobby shook his head and chuckled, “drive the truck out and pull the Ion in.  They’re next.”

 

Dean finished up a third car and went into the office to drop off the keys.  He turned around and Castiel was there.  Castiel smiled and held out a bag to him. 

“Jo told me that you had not eaten.  There’s pie.”

“Your pie?”

“Yes.  I made your lunch for you.  Go wash up,” Castiel moved toward the break room.

“Let me check with Bobby.  There’s still a few more cars.”

“Nope go wash up.  I have already talked to Bobby.”

“Okay then,” Dean went to the bathroom and washed then sat with Castiel in the break room.

“Is this going to be a permanent thing for you?” Castiel asked Dean opened the bag.

“I dunno.  He was in a hard spot today so I just wanted to help out.  Ken and Ash have been great throughout the day.  They’ve helped me out with finding stuff without getting upset.  It feels good to be doin’ this again,” Dean replied as he unwrapped his sandwich.

“I think it suits you.  Washing dishes worked out when you needed but I think you seem happier here.  You could stay on and cut your hours at Benny’s.”

“We’ll see what Bobby thinks.  I like being at the restaurant though. I get to see you more,” Dean smiled.

“We hardly interact.  I work the front and do deliveries.”

“But we see each other throughout the day.”

“You are saying you would miss me,” Castiel grinned.

“I guess,” Dean ducked his head and took a bite of his sandwich.

“I would miss seeing you as well.  You are helping Bobby out a lot.  He wasn’t sure what he was going to be able to do.  I talked to Ellen and he was worried sick.  You have helped him out and he will never forget that.  I have to go.  I promised to walk Mrs. Partridges dog before it got too cold,” Castiel leaned across the table and kissed Dean’s forehead.

“See ya for dinner.”

Dean finished up lunch and went back to work.

“You guys are horribly adorable,” Ash said as he changed the tired on a car.

“What?” Dean glanced up.

“You and Cas.  I have never seen him like that.  He’s never showed affection or spoke so much ever.  I’ve known him years.”

“Well, uh, ya know,” Dean focused on the task at hand, “we just fit together ya know?”

“I’ll say.  I’m glad.  It’s good to see him finally coming out of shell.  Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great guy but he keeps to himself.  There was a pool going for whether he was a serial killer or mad scientist.”

“He kinda does give that vibe,” Dean laughed, “but he’s my little sociopath.”

“Good luck with that,” Kenneth laughed.

 

Dean showered and was at Castiel’s down a little before eight.  Castiel pulled him inside and took his hand.

“I thought we were goin’ out?”

“You’ve worked very hard and I thought dinner in would be better,” Castiel guided him to the table.

“You cooked.”

“Yes.”

“It looks great,” Dean sat down and looked at the pasta.

“Beer?”

“Can’t remember.  Water will be fine.”

“You have beer at the bar,” Castiel gave him a questioning look.

“No alcohol.”

“I can go there and grab you some.”

“Cas it’s fine.  I need to hydrate anyway.  Thank you for being so thoughtful today.”

Castiel poured him a glass of water and sat it on the table.  He put away the beer he had grabbed for himself and poured himself tea.  He sat down across from Dean.  They talked amicably over dinner.  As Castiel cleaned he thought about his conversation with Danna the previous week when they had returned.

“Dean,” Castiel placed a bowl of ice cream in front of Dean.

“Yeah?”

“Would you like to copulate soon?”

Dean coughed as he tried the swallow the ice cream.  He closed his eyes and waited for it to melt.  He cleared his throat and looked at Castiel.

“What?”

“I realize that we have been together for quite some time and most couples would have engaged in sexual intercourse by now.  We have not gone pass kissing and gentle petting.  I do not want you to feel you have hold back on your desires.”

“Castiel,” Dean took a sip of water, “we will get there.  Sex isn’t something you plan or time.  When the moment is right it’ll happen.  I love kissing you and I am fine emptying the pipes solo.”

“Emptying the pipes?” Castiel gave him a curious expression.

“Uh,” Dean looked at the table, “masturbation.”

“Oh yes of course.  Do you have to do it often?” Castiel lifted a spoonful of ice cream to his lips and Dean watched the movement.

“More so now that I have been seeing you.  It wasn’t the same when we were just talking.  But it’s mostly because I haven’t in so long.  When I . . . get aroused it hits me hard,” Dean licked his lips as he watched Castiel put another spoonful in his mouth.

Castiel observed Dean as he watched him.  He realized a moment later why Dean’s face had flushed.  Castiel cleared his throat and put his spoon in his bowl.  Dean watched as he licked his lips.

“You  are aroused now,” Castiel whispered.

“You have no idea,” Dean whispered back then began to eat his ice cream again.

They finished their dessert and Dean washed the dishes while Castiel prepared the movie.  Dean sat down by Castiel.  Castiel turned to Dean instead of hitting play.

“Do it now.”

“Do what?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Clean your pipes,” Castiel said darkly.

“What?” both of his eyebrows shot up.

“I would like to watch.”

“Uh.  I can’t,” Dean cleared his throat and shifted is eyes from Castiel’s face then back.

“Why?” Castiel tilted his head.

“Because you just made me nervous.”

“We could go to your place and pull the screen.”

“No thank you.”

Dean watched Castiel’s eyes as they moved over his body.

“Kiss?” Castiel whispered and leaned into him.

“Sure.”

They kissed gently at first then Dean pressed forward with a little urgency.  He thought about what Castiel had asked.  His hands moved to his own pants and he unbuttoned them.  He felt Castiel smile against his lips.  Dean felt his pulse quicken and he pushed the nervousness away as he pushed the zipper down.  Castiel moaned as his hand pressed against his thigh.

<Jeez I can’t believe I’m doin’ this. Shit! He’s gotten more comfortable.>

Dean gasped in Castiel’s mouth as he pulled out his erection.  Castiel pulled back only for a moment and watched as Dean stroked himself.  Castiel nodded and kissed Dean with happy aggression.  Dean shifted in his seat to get more comfortable.  Dean squeezed and tugged faster as Castiel slipped his tongue between his lips.  Dean was surprised at how quick he felt the pull in his abdomen and his hand moved faster.  He gasped and moaned against Castiel’s lips.

“Close,” Dean murmured.

“Please.”

Castiel sat back and watched.  Dean pushed his shirt up as he jerked to completion.  Dean groaned as the warm fluid covered his stomach and hand.

“Damn,” Dean licked his lips and tried to catch his breath.

Castiel stared at him for awhile then jumped up and got a washcloth from the bathroom.

“Thank you,” Castiel leaned in and kissed Dean once he was cleaned up.

“I can’t believe I just did that.”

“I enjoyed it.  You are beautiful when you climax.  I cannot wait to see what you look like under me,” Castiel smiled as he lay on Dean’s chest.

Dean did not respond.  He was not sure how to take the statement.  He put his arms around Castiel and relaxed back on the couch.  Castiel hit play and they settled in for their movie night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are still my rock stars! No more metaphorical chocolate but have some baklava! Thanks so much for taking the time to read, comment and leave kudos.
> 
> This weekend I will be busy with getting older so I won't have a chance to write. The downside to a WIP :( I usually do my writing Friday or Saturday so I can have it beta'd on Sunday. B/c I won't have the time with all the cleaning and cooking next week may not have a chapter. Sorry guys. I still love you! I wish you were here b/c then you could come to my karaoke extravaganza on Saturday and watch me embarrass myself. You can always pretend you're there btwn 18:00 and 23:00 grab a mic and sing your favorite song. I'll save you a slice of cake :)


	11. Snow Kicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Adam's death is talked about at greater length. Self harm is discussed. 
> 
>  
> 
> B/c I wanted to get this out before I'm away for the next four days this is unbeta'd. I try not to go too long without an update. Since I usually post once a week this will count as next weeks update.

Dean left Singer’s Auto and Salvage and went home to shower.  The snow had gotten worse since he had taken his break but he loved it all the same.  He headed through the lobby on the way to NOLA’s.  Danna jumped into his arms and giggled.

“No work today padawan.  Snow’s too much.  Free day off,” Danna kissed him and he put her down.

“Okay.”

“Freedom! Freedom!  He let my people go!” Danna shouted as she ran to the stairs.

“That girl is trouble,” Ellen chuckled.

“Well anything you need me to do around here since I’m off?”

“If you’d like to shovel some snow that walks could use some attention.”

 

Dean showered again after the hour and a half of almost thigh deep snow clearing.  He checked his phone and nothing from Castiel.  He had been in the city when the snow had begun to fall.  Dean had thought he would make it back.  Dean sent a quick text to him and got comfortable on the couch.

“Can I crash here for an hour or so?” Danna let herself in with a key.

“Why can’t you crash in your place?”

“Charlie and Julie are there.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, “uh . . .?”

“I do not kiss and tell,” Danna lay her head in his lap.

“That even excites me a little.”

“Fire and Ice,” Danna mumbled as she drifted to sleep.

 

Dean woke with a start as he heard a loud buzzing.  He yawned and stretched.  Danna was nowhere to be seen as he stood and grabbed his phone.

**Cas: I am not ignoring you.  My phone was being used to call for assistance.  There were accidents and I needed to aid those involved.**

**Cas: Dean?  You did not answer when I called.  I am on my way back.  It may take me some time.  The snow is lovely but dangerous.**

**Cas: I am stuck.  There is a plow on its way.**

**Cas: Danna has informed me that you are asleep.  The plow just showed up and I will be out of here shortly.  That soup you make would be wonderful.**

**Cas: Go to the mirror.**

Dean walked to his bathroom and looked in the mirror.  He smiled and shook his head.  Dean knew it had to have been Danna.  Castiel would not do such things.  On his forehead in neat writing was ‘Cas’ do not touch’ and there were barrettes of assorted colours in his hair.  Dean shook his head and groaned as  he took out the barrettes and ran a comb through his hair.  He tried to wash the ink off but Danna had used a pink sharpie.  Dean pulled on a beanie that covered his forehead and went to the kitchen. 

Dean stood in front the refrigerator and checked to see if he had the ingredients to make Castiel’s soup.  He grabbed what he did have and began to prep for the soup.  He had everything prepared before he picked up his phone.

**Dean: I’m up.  I’ve started the soup.  It won’t be as good b/c it won’t have time to settle but it’ll be ready in 45 mins.**

**Cas: I’ll be there shortly.  I have to get showered and changed.**   

**Dean: Alrighty I’ll be here.**

Dean looked around his place to make sure that it was in decent order.  He cleaned up the kitchen and waited for Castiel to arrive.

When Castiel showed up Dean immediately pulled him for a kiss.  Dean realized he hadn’t asked for permission and stepped back.

“Sorry.  I got a little ahead of the game.”

“Emu,” Castiel whispered and pulled Dean back into his arms.

Dean wrapped his arms around him as they kissed.  Dean wasn’t sure how long they had kissed but it was more than they had previously and his fingers began to wander.  Dean began to unbutton Castiel’s shirt as he licked his lips for entrance.  Castiel pulled back and took a deep breath.

“Cardinal.”

“Okay no undressing.  Can we go to the bed or couch?” Dean’s eyes focused on Castiel’s puffy lips.

Castiel nodded and pulled Dean over to the bed.  Dean bounced a couple of times once Castiel had pushed him down on the bed.  Castiel crawled over to him and pressed down against Dean.  Dean moaned into the kiss as Castiel twisted his fingers in his hair. Dean lifted a leg so Castiel would shift in between his legs and the friction increased.  Dean rested his hands on Castiel’s hips as a safe place that would not cause Castiel to panic.

Dean gasped into Castiel’s mouth when he pressed his pelvis forward.  Dean rutted up against him.  Dean pushed up with his hips and rolled them over so he was on top.  Dean kissed down to Castiel’s neck as his hands slipped under him and gave a squeeze.  Castiel whimpered and his hips bucked up.  Dean made his way back to Castiel’s lips and slipped his tongue back in.  Then there was the beep of the kitchen timer.

“Fuck,” Dean panted as he sat back.

“That is a good thing.  We may have gone too far,” Castiel blinked rapidly as he licked his lips.

“Yeah.  Yeah,” Dean got up and adjusted himself then went to the kitchen. 

Dean used the ladle and tasted the soup.  He sprinkled a little more salt in it then cut the stove off.  His eyes moved to where Castiel was on the bed.  He wanted to go over, strip him and have his way.  Dean closed his eyes and pushed the idea out of his mind.  They had made an agreement.

“I don’t have any crackers but I can make some toast.”

“Toast sounds good.”

“You sound wrecked,” Dean smirked.

“Very soon.  I will be ready.  I know I will,” Castiel pressed his hand against the bulge in his pants.

“If you keep doin’ that I am gonna come over there and sooner will be here a lot quicker than you expected,” Dean dropped the bread into his toaster.

“Sorry.  The sensations are addictive.”

“You have no idea.  Wait until I get you in my mouth.  I’ll show you sensations,” Dean winked at him.

Castiel froze on the bed with wide eyes and mouth open.  Dean chuckled as he ladled the soup into two bowls.  He sat them on the table as Castiel got himself together.

“Dean,” Castiel looked at him once they settled into the meal.

“Hm?” Dean met his eyes as he chewed.

“Your nightmares are getting worse,” Castiel stated.

“What?  Complete 180 to my mood,” Dean dropped the toast on the table.

“You have dark rings under your eyes and Danna has told me that you have fallen asleep at the sink.  Ash said you fell asleep in the middle of replacing an engine.  You aren’t sleeping enough and you aren’t talking about it,” Castiel brow drooped.

“Cas no.  I can’t.”

“Please.  If it’s something that is bothering you.”

Adam’s body swung silently in his mind as Sam bled out on the street.  Dean shook his head and pushed the food away from him.  He stood and began to pace.

“It will ease whatever it is that is on your mind.  I promise it won’t leave this room unless you want it to,” Castiel encouraged him.

“Fine,” Dean snapped and ran a hand over his face, “my brother Adam,” Dean gulped, “he hanged himself.  Remember I told you he killed himself.  Well he hanged himself.  They say it got bad.  I wasn’t there.  I was gone 15 months with the marines.  We got a classified mission.  Total spook case that no one knew about.  If you try to find it it’s just a bunch of blacked out pages it was so far down the rabbit hole.  While on that mission we had no communication with the outside.  Sam and Adam were not as close as I was with them.  I don’t think Adam felt he could reach out to Sam like he could me.  Adam had been wired the last time I had seen him but he said he was fine and getting help.  He had this awesome therapist, Sarah Blake.  She was great,” he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Take your time,” Castiel made himself stay seated even though he wanted to comfort Dean.

“Adam moved and Dr. Blake was over three hours away.  He stopped seeing her.  His letters were normal as far as I could see.  There were a few that seemed a bit off but nothing irregular.  My dad was into the paranormal and Adam had taken up the interest once dad was gone.  Adam kept telling people he was trapped in hell in a cage.  I found this out after,” Dean sat back down at the table, “after I got back and Adam had already been cremated.  Adam tried to reach out to me but I couldn’t communicate with the outside because of that fuckin’ mission.  Even in his own way without comin’ out and sayin’ it he knew I would figure it out.  I failed him.  His last session at the facility he had checked himself into he told the doctor that the only way to escape the cage was to be free.  To get free he had to fly with the archangels.  He checked himself out and two days later they found him in a barn.  If I had been there he wouldn’t have felt so abandoned.”

“Dean,” Castiel took his hand and brought it to his lips, “there’s no way you could have known.  I am so sorry that you had to go through that.  I will never be able to understand but believe me you could not have done anything.”

“I could have gotten him back to Dr. Blake or the right hospital.  He wasn’t always like that.  Something happened while I was gone and he destroyed himself because I wasn’t there to save him,” Dean did not wipe the tears away as they trailed down his face.

“You have to understand there are two reasons something like that would happen.  Adam had a mental disability that didn’t rear until a later age.  That happens a lot.  Or he contracted a disease that affected his brain.  I saw it once before,” Castiel’s eyes hardened briefly, “in the jungles there are parasites that lodge themselves in your brain and there is nothing you can do about it.  They carry a venom that causes infection in the brain but gives no outward symptoms. Even if the parasites die their damage and disease have spread.  If that is the case your brother would have died anyway.  It would have been horrible.  This was fast for him.  He’s at peace now.”

Dean’s head whipped up.  His mouth fell open and his lips moved but no sound escaped.  He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Adam had gone to India on missionary work.  They had tours of the jungles and temples there.  H-he could have contracted something and no one would have known.  He wasn’t crazy,” Dean’s eyes flickered as he let the idea settle in his mind.

“How long before you got the news had he been in India?” Castiel watched him.

“He headed out the same time I went on my mission for about two or three months.”

“Dean,” Castiel squeezed his hand, “that’s about right.  Your brother wasn’t crazy.  Even if he liked the paranormal it is irrelevant.  He was sick.  He went out a lot better than what I have witnessed.”

“That’s why Sam didn’t know.  Sam visited with Adam monthly and it snuck up on him too.  It was a parasite,” fresh tears spilled down his cheeks.

Castiel didn’t hesitate to get up and pull Dean into his arms.  Dean clung to Castiel as he wept.

*****

Dean walked through the hotel as he made his pre-inspection list of tasks.  He had his notepad in hand and a pen tucked behind his ear.  He had never been to the lower part of the hotel.  It was uncomfortable dimly lit.  Dean swallowed hard as he moved through and his eyes scanned to see if there were any imperfections.  Ellen was not worried about passing the inspection she just wanted a second set of eyes to make sure everything was in order.

Dean moved further into the lower floor that he had not known existed.  He heard a grunt and then the sound of flesh on flesh.  His eyes widened as he recognized the sounds of combat.  Dean quickened his pace and rounded the final hall.  There were a few stairs that he had to step down before he arrived at a door that would have been hidden if it had been closed.  <The Room of Requirement> Dean chuckled.  He moved silently forward and peered through the crack. 

Castiel moved swiftly on his feet and executed the punches and kicks flawlessly.  Dean was surprised that it was Danna that took the hits.  Danna countered just as fast as Castiel was able to deliver.  They exchanged blows fluidly as they moved across the matted floor.  Castiel ducked the hard hook that Danna had moved for.  Castiel stepped into her space and through off her balance.  He grabbed her and hip threw her to the mat.   Danna giggled and lay there to catch her breath.

“Damn you’ve gotten good.  I didn’t think that you would ever be able to get in that close,” Danna took Castiel’s hand and he helped her up off the floor.

“I have a good trainer.  Plus I watched a few videos,” Castiel wiped his face with the back of his gloved hand.

“I’m glad.  I like a challenge.  Wanna hit the bag for a few while I do my laps?”

“Yes I can do that,” Castiel paused and turned to the door, “someone is here.”

“What?” Danna’s stance changed.

Castiel moved silently. Dean pushed the door opened because he did not want Castiel to assault him.  Dean plastered a smile on and walked into the room.

“Hey guys.”

Danna’s stance relaxed and Castiel’s face paled.

“Dean.”

“Cas,” Dean smiled brighter.

“Dean you weren’t supposed to see this,” Castiel eyes could not meet Dean’s.

“I think it was good.  You are quick and lethal.”

“Yes.”

“Don’t have a panic attack,” Dean held up his hands defensively.

“I-I have to go,” Castiel rushed from the room.

Dean’s eyes followed him then returned to Danna.

“Bummer,” Danna shrugged and began to jog the perimeter of the room.

“What?”

“I was hoping that he’d grow a pair and ask you to join us.  I need a little practice against multiple opponents.  Plus you and I have a larger gap in size difference.  I could try myself against you,” Danna smiled as she passed him.

“Really?”  Dean smirked as sat the pad and pen to the side on the floor.

“Don’t go after him yet.  You can go after him in a few minutes once he’s showered,” Danna watched Dean, “what are you doing?”

Dean stretched out and kicked off his shoes.  He crooked his finger at Danna.

“Not a good idea,” Danna smirked at him.

“I was a marine.”

“That’s good to know,” Danna stopped and turned to him and jogged in place, “you’ve been out of practice too long.  You don’t want to do this.”

“Is the little girl scarred?”

Danna’s eyes narrowed and she stopped jogging in place, “what?”

“You take on Cas because he’s in your weight class.  Try someone a little bigger.”

“Was that a fat joke or a dainty joke?” Danna’s smile dropped.

“Maybe both.”

Dean did not see the front kick coming or the flying knee that followed until it landed.  Dean landed on his back hard.  Danna took the mount and began to rain down elbows and punches on Dean.  Dean’s arms immediately went up to protect his face.  It took only a little over a minute for Dean to tap.

“Fuck,” Dean gulped in air as Danna stood up and he rolled to his side.

“You should choose better words to instigate next time,” Danna winked as she grabbed her towel and wiped her face.

“Yeah.  Muay Thai, Krav Maga and some form of Jui Jitsu is what I could recognize while you guys practiced,” Dean pushed himself up from the floor but did not dare try to stand.

“Yes.  You should put ice on your chest.  I didn’t pull that knee at all,” Danna grinned.

“Oh I know,” Dean rubbed his chest, “what branch did you serve in?”

“None,” Danna replied as she headed to the door.

“What?” Dean stood slowly.

“I grew up overseas.  I just happened to be born here.  I’ll tell Cas to meet you in your room.  You may want to take it easy since you’ve been beaten up by a girl,” Danna winked as she left the room.

Dean grabbed his pad and pen and headed back upstairs to his apartment.  He took some pain tablets and put the ice pack on his chest.  He lay back on his bed and made a mental note not to piss off Danna seriously.  Dean heard the door open and close a few minutes later.

“Danna gave me a key,” Castiel mumbled as he walked in.

“Did she tell you she kicked my ass for you?” Dean smiled but did not look up.

“She should not have done that,” Castiel stood over the bed.

“It’s okay.  Do you want to talk about it?”

“Dean,” Castiel took a deep breath, “I was a POW.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your time! You guys are my new favorite people just in case you didn't know. I cannot promise that the beta'd version will be up soon to be honest I will probably forget that this hasn't been edited. I may just jump into the next chapter.
> 
> I had two endings in mind when I started this and have made a decision on which one I like the most. The next few chapters will move a little faster and be a bit more involved in the past so that we can bring the future together. 
> 
> I will put the warning on the next chapter as well but head's up Sam's death will be mentioned. I was going to reveal his death prior to Adam's because of the toll that it takes on Dean but I found that it was really hard for me to write. I took me the time that I put four chapters together to complete. I did not realize how attached I was until I had the idea that a story could be written without him and his character could be dead. It will be detailed and hence the violence warning will begin to make sense. Again I will put the warnings on the chapters in the beginning notes as a reminder. I feel like I have stressed this enough that I won't get any hate from it.
> 
> Well I have pies, pizza rolls, chocolate lasagna and seven layer dip to make. Have a fantastic weekend. To my fellow American's if I don't see you next week have a wonderful independence day. I will be inside calming down the animals and staying away from crowds.
> 
> OOH! I can't remember if I put it in the notes before and I am too lazy to go back right now.   
> Castiel's safe words:
> 
> EMU: safe zone please proceed cutie
> 
> Cardinal: pump the breaks a little
> 
> Dove: slam those breaks boy!


	12. When Darkness Falls*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is mention of sexual assault. There is no graphic scene but it is implied by actions. The italics indicate flashback. It seemed more effective than a giant blurb of Cas telling the story. With my betas help we decided to revise this scene because there will be a heart wrenching scene coming and did not want be so jarring through the next couple of chapters. So the visual here is just led up to but no detail.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> *Title comes from a favorite Killswitch Engage song.

_“Hey there pretty,” the raspy voice spoke to him in Arabic as he touched Castiel’s face._

_“Wh-where am I?” Castiel responded in the same language then swallowed hard and tried to sit up._

_“Nuh uh,” the man pushed him down._

_Castiel went to grab the man when his hands jerked back.  The chains rattled and the cuffs scratched against his wrists. Castiel’s eyes opened slowly and he focused on the slender face in front of him.  He looked down at the gnarled fingers pressed against him.  The man shoved his head back down on to the floor._

_“You are going nowhere.  You are too pretty to let go.”_

_“My team will come for me,” Castiel mumbled._

_“Your team is worm food. Well I guess at this point wolf food.  You were the best.  The only one that made it in.  Once we found out that there was one among us that was not as legitimate as they seemed it was not too hard to figure out who.  We did kill two others before we got to you,” the man ran a finger slowly down Castiel’s face._

_“Then kill me,” Castiel’s hard eyes stared into steely grey blue eyes._

_“You speak eight different languages, know dozens of martial arts, and are very proficient with multiple weapons.  Who are you working for?  What intel do you have?” the man squeezed Castiel’s face._

_Castiel began to curse at him in Russian as he pulled against the restraints.  The man jumped back away from Castiel as he trashed about.  The man cackled as he moved to the door._

_“Alastair why didn’t you tell me our new favorite tenant was finally awake?” a tall brunette woman entered the cell as she spoke English._

_Castiel looked her over and took in as much about her as he could.  Her light brown hair was spun in a tight bun on top of her head, her sea green eyes held a hint a mischief and her full lips curved wickedly as she sauntered over to Castiel on the pile of hay and tattered cloth.  Her expensive suit, floral perfume and designer boots formed an image in Castiel’s mind that he would use for later._

_“The name’s Bela, love.  You are remarkable.  Twenty-six of my men you destroyed.  Thirty others you crippled.  You fought very hard for your escape.  Unfortunately for you I am a pretty damn good shot myself.  That tranquilizer dropped you in seconds. Of course I needed you alive once all of your comrades were killed.  Always leave one alive,” Bela smirked down at him._

_“I will tell you nothing.”_

_“You will tell me everything,” Bela stepped forward and pressed her foot to his throat, “every single detail that you have in that little brain of yours.  You will tell me who you are working for, why you are here, what information you have spilled and whatever else I damn well feel like asking you.  I am a gifted interrogator as is my entire team.”_

_“Fifty-six is a small number.  When I am free that number will triple,” Castiel spat at Bela._

_Bela cackled as she twisted her foot against his throat.  Castiel met her eyes unblinkingly as she grinded her teeth.  In a huff Bela turned heel and left the cell._

_“Seventy-two hours.  If he does not crack he is your toy,” Bela informed Alastair as she locked the door._

_Castiel worked to cough as quietly as he could to clear his throat.  His eyes roamed the windowless cell.  The door was solid except the tiny barred window for them to check on him and the tray slot.  There was no cot or bed, a toilet sat in the far corner, and the floor was littered with hay.  Castiel sniffed the air and scent of pesticides, gunpowder, and assorted factory scents stood out above the straw and dirt. Castiel tried his restraints again.  There was not enough give for him to sit up.  He sighed and closed his eyes._

_Castiel mentally documented all his injuries.  Everything was superficial and indicative of self defense.  There had not been any injuries inflicted while he had been unconscious.  Castiel listened to his surroundings and tried to gain as much information as he could from his senses._

_Castiel was not aware of how much time had passed since his visit from Bela.  The door opened again and it was another captive.  Until Castiel looked closer.  It was a person disguised as a captive.  He held a tray in his hands as they shook.  He kept his eyes cast down to the floor and he shuffled over to where Castiel lay still on the floor._

_“S-sit up,” he said softly as he knelt by Castiel and sat the tray on the floor._

_“I am not sure if you can see or not but they have me chained.  I cannot sit up,” Castiel responded._

_“Oh,” he looked to the chains, “I’ll hold your head so you can drink.”_

_“I’m not thirsty.”_

_“P-please drink or they’ll punish me,” he placed a hand behind Castiel’s head and lifted as he moved the cup to his lips._

_Castiel pressed his lips firmly together and turned his head.  The man tried to push the cup pass his lips but Castiel struggled.  The water spilled down Castiel’s bare chest.  He lifted his arms and was reminded that he had no range of motion.  Castiel jerked his head as hard as he could and knocked it against the other man.  The other man grunted and tried to force the water again._

_“Dammit,” the man dropped the cup when Castiel bit him._

_“Alastair it ain’t working,” the man shouted with a thick southern American accent._

_“Well done.  He saw through you.  What was the giveaway?” Alastair walked around the corner as he clapped slowly._

_“His watch and lack of dirt on his skin.  The clothes are filthy and his hair is messy but that’s it.”_

_“How did you know there was something wrong with the food and water?” Alastair crossed his arms._

_“Because it is what I would do.”_

_“I’ll get you water that you can drink and something to eat that is uncontaminated.  If you’re good we’ll get you off the floor.”_

_*****_

_The three days had passed and Castiel lay on the bed battered, bruised, cut, burned and starved.  His arms were shackled to the ceiling and his legs to the floor.  Neither gave enough slack to get comfortable.  His arms had long since gotten accustomed to the strain of being extended.  His legs had the most maneuverability.  They were chained enough for him to lie down or sit.  His left eye was swollen mostly shut, his face scarred, lip busted and he was sure he had a few fractured ribs among the rest of the damage._

_“I gave you time dear and you failed to supply me with any information,” Bela strolled into the cell._

_Castiel did not move or acknowledge her presence._

_“It’s sad really.  I figured you to be one to save yourself not a hero.  Whichever government you come from they will surly miss someone of your caliber.   Too bad so sad,” Bela turned and with a flick of wrist Alastair entered, “he’s all yours.”_

_Castiel remained still as the door shut behind Alastair._

_“Mmm.  I finally get to have you my sweet,” Alastair climbed on to the bed and straddled Castiel, “so pretty even all banged up,” he placed several kisses along his face._

_Castiel’s eyes flew open._

_“What are you doing?”_

_“Oh now you come alive,” Alastair chuckled, “I get to finally unwrap my present,” he pulled the drawstring on Castiel’s tattered pants loose._

_“No,” Castiel pushed at him with his hips._

_“Fight me.  That’s what I like,” Alastair kissed his neck as he shoved his hand pass the waistband._

_“No.”_

_Castiel kicked his legs and squirmed under Alastair.  Alastair pressed down against Castiel as he tried to still him.  Castiel head butted him and got his legs bent.  He used the position to his advantage as soon Alastair let up.  He managed to topple him onto the floor. Castiel sat up and planted his legs on the floor._

_“Look here you little bastard,” Alastair slapped him hard._

_Castiel kicked him in the chest.  Castiel fought against the chains and tried to pull the beam loose that the arm chains were tied to.  He wrapped the slack around his hands so he would not jar his wrists.  He yanked and yanked as his eyes cut to Alastair.  He kicked out again and caught Alastair’s jaw.  Castiel’s pants slipped down and he tried to keep them up on his hips but they slid down again._

_“Oh you are going to get yours,” Alastair scrambled to Castiel, “you’re not so bad ass when your chained up are you?”_

_Castiel narrowed his eyes and kicked out at him again as he ignored his pants.  Alastair caught his leg and used it to throw off his balance.  The chains from the ceiling caught him with their limited range of motion.  The action was so swift that his shoulders pulled uncomfortably as he fell forward.  Castiel gritted his teeth as he felt Alastair slam him on the bed.  Alastair quickly used his key to turn on the system that controlled the restraints.  The legs had less slack once he had finished.  Alastair tossed the key to the door to make sure Castiel could not reach it._

_Castiel’s arms twisted in their restraints as Alastair flipped him over.  He slipped half way to the floor and his knees banged the side of bed.  He felt Alastair’s fingers as they dug into his hips when he pushed his underwear down._

_“Gonna wish you had cooperated,” Alastair whispered into his ear as undid his pants._

_Castiel set his jaw and closed his eyes.  A cool substance dripped along his exposed skin before he felt Alastair’s finger push it around then they were forced into him.  Castiel clinched his jaw tighter._

 

“STOP!” Dean jumped up from his bed and went to his fridge.

Dean knew there was no alcohol in it but he needed that beer.  He popped the cap and went back to Castiel.  His eyes shifted around the room and his stomach churned.  Dean was not a fool he knew to what extent other governments would go.  He knew what his own government would do but he did not want to imagine it with Castiel involved.

“Dean.”

“Cas,” Dean took a long drag from the bottle, “how . . . how can you even let me touch you at all?”

“Dean it was years ago.  So many years ago.  Danna felt I should give you more of my background so that you understood why it has taken me so long to get to where we are,” Castiel moved to Dean’s side.

“How long?” Dean sat the bottle down on the table.

“What?”

“How long were you captured?” Dean closed his eyes and gripped the back of a chair.

“Thirteen months.  It was not our government that rescued me.”

“Who had you?” Dean’s knuckles turned white.

“I cannot reveal that information.  It is part of the confidentiality agreement.”

“Those fuckers took over a year to rescue you and you can’t talk about it?” Dean lifted the chair and slammed it against the wall.

Castiel’s eyes were wide as he watched Dean’s face shift with aggression and anger to something darker.  Castiel stepped away from Dean as his chest heaved and his hands shook.  Castiel began to tremble as Dean seemed to exist outside of the room.  Castiel closed his eyes and hugged himself as he counted backward from thirty.

Dean looked around and realized he was in his apartment and not on the side of the street.  The helplessness had overwhelmed him.  He had flashed back and it had taken him time to return.  He glanced around and saw Castiel.  He looked small.  Dean swallowed and went over to him.  Dean wrapped his arms around him and opened his mouth to apologize.

“DOVE!” Castiel jerked out of Dean’s arms.

“Cas,” Dean breathed devastated but not surprised.

“I tried,” Castiel stumbled as he made his way to the door, “I tried.  You can tell them I tried.  Love is too hard.”

Dean watched as the door shut behind Castiel.  Dean felt the urge to follow but then to stay.  Castiel had revealed a huge part of himself and Dean had reacted badly in response. 

“You fuckin’ idiot of course he’s gonna run from you,” Dean sighed and went to clean up the mess that was left of the chair.

*****

Dean left the garage and headed straight to NOLAs.  He checked the break room, the locker room and the store room and there was no sign of Castiel.  It had been three days since he had seen him.  He had not informed anyone of what had happened.

“Hey anyone seen Cas?” Dean asked as he settled at the bar.

“Not in a couple of days,” Julie replied as she wiped down the counter.

“What about Danna?”

“She took some vacation time.  She’ll be back in a month or so.  She doesn’t do too well around the holidays.  She’ll probably show back up and throw a New Year’s party.”

“When was the last time you saw her?”

“Ya know,” Julie paused and looked at Dean, “Her and Cas left together three nights ago.  Check with Benny.  He’ll know more.”

“Thanks.”

“Sure thing doll.”

Dean went to Benny’s office and knocked.

“Come on in.”

Dean pushed open the door.

“Don’t tell me you need a vacation too?” Benny looked up at him.

“Uh no.”

“Good.”

“So Cas and Danna are gone?”

“Yup.  First time Cas has ever asked for time off so I couldn’t deny it.  I may need a delivery boy and up front help if you’re game,” Benny looked hopeful.

“Sure.  Bobby doesn’t need me except one day a week so more hours here will be perfect,” Dean smiled.

“Great.  You are officially penned in and full time,” Benny’s shoulders eased as he leaned back over the calendar.

“Thanks.”

“Was that all you needed?”

“Yup.”

“Then get outta here and rest up while you can.  Thanksgiving is two days away and we will be slammed with people away from home.”

“Yes sir,” Dean gave him a mock salute then headed home.

Dean settled down on his couch and pulled out his phone.

**Dean: Cas.  I don’t know what to say.  I want you to know I am thinking of you.  Please don’t leave this like this.  I am sorry.**

Dean sat his phone down.  It was the tenth message he had sent and he did not expect a response back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for hanging in there with me. Thanks so much for the kudos and comments and all the other great things you guys do.
> 
> There will be several flashbacks and recollection periods of past bad things in the coming chapters. I promise it won't stay that way. I planned this as a 15 chapter piece like my others but I don't think I am going to make it so it's still a ? at this time.
> 
> I am writing a sorta domestic thingy. The supernatural world still exist but not canon. I am not sure where it's going yet. I have decided that I won't post it until it's finished because I don't like this feeling this story is giving me. Plus it's easier for my beta and his schedule to send him a few chapters at a time instead of one each week. There's no real plot for it yet so I'm just writing scenes and will make it work before I post it. Cas as a live in nanny for Michael and his wife. Michael and wife have a long business trip and hires in au pair Dean to help. Cas has special abilities (secret for now) and Dean's a werewolf. That's about as far as it is. We'll see.


	13. A Revelation in the Light of Day*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are a few secrets revealed that had some speculation going on. Danna's real role is revealed, Castiel and Dean have an emotional conversation, and there's food.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *taken from "No light, No light" by Florence + the Machine.
> 
> For some reason the last few chapters that I have written a song will play that makes me emotional while writing and it just sticks. Something grabs my attention. The next few chapters' titles come from songs that were playing during the writing process over the last few weeks.
> 
> Talk of Sam's passing but no detail yet.

Dean sat up in bed as he tried to catch his breath.  The sweat trickled cold down his back and he shook from the nightmare.  He ran a hand over his face and swallowed hard.  Dean looked around the room in the dawn hour.  There was just enough light through his window he was able to make out the outline of the furniture. Dean climbed out of bed and went to the fridge.  He gulped down the cold water and got into the shower.

Dean dressed and went to his kitchen.  He had promised pies for the dinner they would have since NOLAs closed early the day after Thanksgiving.   The actual Thanksgiving Day had worn Dean out and he had gone straight to bed without making the pies.  He pulled out the sweet potatoes, the small pumpkin, butter and all the spices.

Once the pies were in the oven he grabbed his phone from its spot on the nightstand.  No new messages.  Dean sighed and sat the phone down.

 

Danna grabbed and threw Castiel into the wall.  Castiel propelled himself off the wall sloppily and Danna dodged the move and had him on the floor again.  Danna stood over him and shook her head.  She walked away and picked her water bottle up from the floor.  Danna took a long swig as she watched him on his back as he mentally berated himself.

“Are we done yet?  You’ve hidden from him for almost a week. And Ellen will have your head if you’re not there for dinner tonight,” Danna threw him a towel.

“I cannot do it Danna.  You didn’t see him.  There was darkness in his eyes,” Castiel stood.

“Castiel,” Danna’s voiced turned authoritative, “have you even told him about our relationship?”

“No.  He would not understand,” Castiel wiped his face.

“I think he would,” Danna replied as she re-twisted her fuchsia hair into a bun.

“How am I supposed to tell him I have a handler because the military thinks I might snap and come after my old superiors?” Castiel picked up his water.

“That was pretty good,” she said with a grin.

“Danna,” Castiel rolled his eyes, “I tried alright.  I cannot do it.  A romantic relationship is not something I am allowed.”

“You’re not crazy,” Danna sat on the floor and stretched.

“I did not say I was,” he looked to the floor.

“You thought it.  I’ve known you for eight years.  I can read you better than a picture book.”

“He does text me almost every day.  Silly little things.  Mostly he will say he cares and apologize,” Castiel took the spot in front of Danna and stretched out.

“Have you told him about Sam?”

“No,” Castiel looked up at her sharply, “I didn’t connect it for almost a month.  He’ll figure it out.”

“Have you guys shared kills yet?”

“No, we don’t talk about that part of our lives.  I freaked out when I had to tell him about being a POW.  I sugar coated that so he would not know the extent of torture that I was put through.”

“Did you tell him how you got out?” Danna watched his face closely.

“No.  You’re the only person besides my superiors that know that.  Can we not talk about it?” Castiel lowered his eyes.

“You’re the one that dragged me to my safe house to get away from him.  I told you to talk to him.  I came with you because someone had to look out for you,” Danna stood and unwrapped her hands.

“He shook me up.  I was spooked.”

“But he’s on your mind.  I just man handled you for the last half hour.  I wasn’t even tryin’.  You have to get it together.  We’ll do a therapy session after lunch.  Then you will pack your shit, make sure the roads are clear and go to dinner with Ellen and the gang.”

“I can’t go.  I’m not ready,” Castiel followed her up stairs.

“Cas baby you’ll never be ready if you keep hiding.  It’s been ten years and two watchers.  I got ya back.  I would never lead you wrong.  The one thing I know is communication is key.  You follow the CCO method and you will be fine,” she smiled at him as she went through the fridge.

“Not again,” Castiel washed up and sat at the table.

“Hey I think you have the compromise part down, you’re working on the communication and that just leaves you with the oral sex.  Once you get there you’ll be perfect,” Danna giggled.

“Oral sex is a dangerous area.”

“Have you seen his heat and you're terrified?”  Danna teased.

Danna looked up when Castiel did not respond.  Her eyes went wide and she fell into a fit of giggles as she pointed at him.

“Shut up,” Castiel blushed.

“You _have_ seen his package.  Oh my god! Do tell,” Danna stared at him expectantly.

“No.”

“I tell you everything about my partners.”

“Unfortunately that is true,” Castiel chuckled, “fine. Dean is gifted in that area.”

“Did you suck it, stroke it, lick it or ride it?”

“Danna!” Castiel’s face flushed, “that is private.”

“Hmm,” Danna narrowed her eyes, “none of the above.  Do you have a camera in his shower?  I mean, because that is a fantastic idea.  I couldn’t get it to stay in place but you may have a better camera.”

“You tried to put a camera in his shower?” Castiel’s mouth dropped open.

“I’m curious,” Danna shrugged.

“For your information I did not do that.  We were kissing and he took care of himself.”

“Oh god,” Danna fluttered her lashes and fanned herself, “thick, thin, long, short or what?  I need details.”

“No.  I will not give any more than that.  That was far more than I intended,” Castiel stood from the counter, “I’m going to shower.”

“I bet you it’s thick and long and delicious!” Danna shouted after him, “damn. Now I want to see it.”

 

Dean smiled as he sat the dishes on the table in the Roadhouse’s dining hall.  They had set the room up as a buffet to make it easier for everyone.  All the employees that had stayed in town for the holiday joined for dinner.  They had all chipped in with different items.  Bobby had made the two turkeys for the main course as a special request and Benny made the ham and bread since they were his specialty.  Everyone else had made sides or desserts.  Kevin and Gilda made their mysterious drinks and Amy provided the non alcoholic beverages.

Dean made two separate plates and took a seat beside Stephanie and her son Tyler.  They settled in and waited for everyone to be seated before they began to eat.  Everyone was in the middle of several different conversations when it went quiet.  Dean looked up and everyone looked behind him.  Dean put his fork down and turned. 

Castiel waved with a nervous smile.  He sat his bag down at the doorway and walked in with containers under his arm.

“So I, uh, didn’t want to come empty handed ya know.  Danna made her rum cake and I made a green bean casserole.  If that’s okay.”

“If you don’t get your ass in here and make a plate.  You’re late but I’ll let it slide,” Ellen winked at him.

“Very good then.”

Castiel sat the containers on the table and made himself a plate.  Julie moved to the empty chair on the other side of the table so that the seat next to Dean was the only option.  Dean shot her look and Charlie gave him a warning look as she put her arm around Julie’s shoulders. Castiel approached the table and only hesitated a little before he took the seat.

The table remained quiet as eyes roamed over the two.  Julie told a crass joke and everyone laughed to lift the mode.  Dean cut his eyes to see Castiel as he picked up his fork.

<Just say something.  You’re upset that he ran out but he’s here now.>  Dean thought when his hand shook as he tried to lift it to his mouth.

“Winchester I saw you working on that ’69 Camaro a few days ago right?” Joanna asked as she hid her smiled behind her drink.

Castiel’s head shot up.

“Yeah Jo,” Dean cleared his throat, “Bobby had me on it.  He’s restoring it for someone.  Wanted my help since I had the time.”

“It’s a great car huh?” Ellen grinned.

“Uh yeah.  I haven’t had my hands in a classic car in years.  I worked on more foreign vehicles where I got my papers.  I can throw together a Porsche or Audi from the floor boards.  I had to get my mind settled back into the American classics,” Dean felt the tension leave his shoulders.

“She is a lovely car,” Castiel murmured then looked back to his plate.

“Yeah,” Dean did not turn to face him, “she should be completed by the new year.  I think Bobby said it had to be done by the end of January, right?”

“Yup,” Bobby grinned, “client wants her by the end of month.  Has someone special for her to go to.”

“A gift.  I’ll have her finished and painted.  Whoever is gettin’ her will not be able to tell she had to be fully restored.”

“What are your plans once you get yourself together Dean?” Stephanie asked as she shooed Tyler’s hand from her wine glass.

“Well I wanted to go into what I had originally planned before I joined the military but as a felon I won’t make it in education.  I was thinking about starting my own business or goin’ back to school.”

“Ooh what type of business?” Hayden asked as she cut into her food.

“When I was younger,” Dean chuckled, “I wanted to open my own comic book store.  It seems ridiculous now but it was something I wanted.  I guess now I would open a book store that had space for a bar attached.  I’d like to have live music available and people like to drink and listen to music.”

“Ooh that sounds very cool,” Charlie replied, “I think a book store with a huge manga and graphic novel section would do very well.  I would put money behind that.  Especially if it had rooms to rent for table tops.”

“That’s not a bad idea.  I’ll add it to my list of ideas full credit to you,” Dean nodded as he picked at his food.

“Were you planning on staying in the area?” Amy asked.

“Hold on,” Dean eyed everyone at the table, “this conversation seems like an interrogation.  What is goin’ on?”

“Ellen, are you sure the pool will be repaired by spring?” Julie turned the conversation around.

“Yeah.  As soon as everything thaws in March they’ll be able to fix it all up.”

Dean was not a fool but he let it go.  He ate silently and excused himself as the others went for dessert.  He headed from the dining hall when someone caught his arm.

“Dean,” Castiel spoke barely above a whisper, “can we talk?”

“I don’t think we can.  Not yet.  I have mixed emotions about this right now.  You’re still very closed off.  When I look at you I only see face value so I know that you’re not ready yet either.  I’m not sure why you followed me out.”

“I would really like to get somewhere.  I have much I would like to say and get out.  However I can wait.  I ran away from you and I never touched base.  That was wrong of me so I will wait.”

Castiel returned to his spot at the table and Dean went to his apartment.

*****

Dean showered and settled in front of the television.  He flipped through the channels without any intent.  He sighed and sat the remote down.  Dean closed his eyes and tried not to think about the last few days.  Castiel and he had walked around like ghost of strangers.  He wanted nothing more than to hug him and tell him the past was moot but he felt betrayed that Castiel had run off. 

<You did kinda blow up after he had shared something deeply personal with you.>

“Yeah I know,” he whispered and tried to pay attention to the show he had stopped on.

There was a knock on his door.  Dean stared but did not move.  He knew it was not Danna because she was gone until the New Year and would have just used one of the many keys she seemed to possess.   The knock sounded again.  Dean pushed himself off the couch and went to the door.  His breath caught when he looked out the peephole.  He unchained the door and opened it.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel bowed his head slightly.

“Hey Cas come on in,” Dean walked back to the couch, “there’s beer in the fridge and some leftover pie.  I made an extra one.”

“Thank you but I’m good.  Is this an okay time to talk?” Castiel asked quietly.

“Sure.  I think I’m okay now.”

“Alright,” Castiel pulled a chair from the table and sat across from Dean, “first I would like to apologize for fleeing in such a manner that it hurt you.  I was frightened by your display of displeasure. I knew going into that conversation it was going to be difficult for me but I did not think about how it would affect you.  I should have taken the time to consider that.  You care for me and hearing about my pain was hard.”

“Apology accepted,” Dean mumbled.

“Second, I don’t want you to feel a certain way because of my past.  I have overcome it all.  It is who I am.  My past does not define me though it has built in me a stronger sense of character.  I was tortured and assaulted but I survived and that is something.  I am more resilient for it.  I would not be who I am today without my checkered past.  I am grateful that I had people to take care of me once I got home.  It did take years for me to trust anyone.  I didn’t talk for months.  I stayed in my room at the veteran housing and only spoke to my counselor.  The government kept a close eye on me.  They,” Castiel paused and thought about Danna’s words and with a sigh continued, “they see me as a high risk veteran.”

Dean lifted his head and looked at Castiel, “what do you mean ‘see’?  That’s present tense.”

“Dean,” Castiel frowned and his brow creased, “I am on a watch list.  It’s been a decade and they still know what I am capable of.  They fear because I was rescued by another country’s military that I may have loyalties to them.  I was with the other military for several months before I returned to America.  They took care of me and nursed me back to health.  I would not be here if not for them.  I was not alone.  There was other US soldiers none from my company but we all came back . . . different.  We were all discharged honorably.  We have all been assigned handlers to watch over us.  I went through two before I got my permanent one.”

“Handler?  I don’t understand,” Dean leaned forward.

“The government considers us possible domestic terrorists.  Why do you think I stay in small towns?  If anything were to change I would notice.  I know they have eyes on me outside of my handler but I know that I have not given them an excuse to come after me.  I do not associate with any of the others that were rescued, I obey the law, I am a model citizen, and I am an active member in my community.”

“Who’s your handler?”

“She’s given me permission to tell you.  She was actually surprised I hadn’t already,” Castiel took a deep breath and looked up at Dean, “Danna is my handler.”

“That explains a lot.  How did that even come to be?  She hates the government.  I can’t see her working for them.”

“Technically she doesn’t.  When I,” Castiel closed his eyes for a moment, “um, when I was not successful with the government agents that were assigned they outsourced it.  She gets paid from her people.”

“Are you dangerous?”

“If I was not content in my life I could be.  I try not to think about being abandoned by the people that I worked for.  When I think about it I validate their claims.”

“I am sorry that I reacted the way I did.  I was so angry that something like that could have happened to someone so selfless and beautiful.  The ugliness should stay away from you.  You are too good for something so vile to have happened to you.  It made me want to commit crimes against the government.  How could they just leave you and allow that shit to fuckin’ happen?  I’m so sorry I acted out.”

“Dean,” Castiel moved to sit by him, “thank you.”

“I’m glad we’re here.  I’m glad we talk.  There’s something else though.  I can see it in you.  Your light has dimmed.”

“There is just,” Castiel swallowed and took Dean’s hands, “so much I want to share but I don’t want to drop it all on you at once.”

“We’ve got awhile there’s no need to spill it all.  I have so much to talk to you about too but I can’t bring myself to drag up those feelings, memories and emotions.  We’ll get there.  Share with me what you feel comfortable with for now and we can move on from there,” Dean gave him a reassured smile.

“I knew Sam,” Castiel blurted.

“What?” Dean pulled his hands from Castiel.

“It has been on my mind for weeks.  It was when you were in the military.  I didn’t put the pieces together until after you had told stories of your childhood and the sayings and all of that.  Sam never named you because of your position in the military I presume.  You were always just D his older brother.”

“How?” Dean eyes searched Castiel’s face and his hands balled into fists, “how in the hell did you know my brother?”

“While I was in prison we got these correspondents from people on the outside.  Sam and I were pen pals.  He missed you and you could not respond so quickly so he sent letters in to the program.  I got his and we wrote each other several times a week.  I think that is why it was so easy to fall for you once I realized the truth.  I had already gotten to know you through his words.  We wrote each other for years.  Then suddenly his letters got short and very formal.  There was nothing about you anymore.  I’m guessing that was when you got your new assignment.”

Castiel paused and looked at Dean.  Dean nodded for him to continue as his mind raced to put the pieces together.

“The letters got fewer and fewer.  He asked for advice about the crowd he was hanging with and I gave the best advice that I could.  He got away.  Sam moved and I think that’s when Adam started to talk to him again.  Sam’s letters picked back up their normal tone again.  For months everything was alright.  Then Sam sent a short letter saying his brother had passed and he wasn’t sure where to go from there.  I sent a very lengthy letter to him being supportive, giving him productive ways to grieve and being there for him as much as I could a few hundred miles away.  I thought he meant you.  I thought you had been killed in action since he didn’t say which brother.  Then there was nothing.  I wrote Sam constantly even though I got nothing back.  Once I was released I went to his last known address and no one could tell me anything.  The only thing they had was a forwarding address.  I wrote one last epic letter and sent it to him.  I was in the same state so I assumed he would get in contact and we would pick up.  I never heard from him,” Castiel bowed his head, “with what you have told me and the time line everything adds up.  He had passed and I didn’t know it.”

“You,” Dean’s voice shook, “you were Cassy?”

Castiel looked up with wide eyes, “you knew?”

“Cas,” Dean grabbed him into his arms and hugged him tight, “you have no idea.  Cas,” he sobbed as Castiel held him.

They stayed there while the moment settled around them.  Dean pulled back eventually and wiped his eyes.  He looked at Castiel differently.

“What?” Castiel whispered.

“You saved his life the first time.  Sam had gotten in with a bad crowd and had started using drugs, was shop lifting for fun instead of necessity, drinking too much and was just a mess.  You’re the reason he walked away.  You’re the reason he went to college.  He read every single letter you sent him.  Even the last epic one.  I was home when that one came.  After Adam we were both in different mind sets.  He was worried that you’d think he was going off the deep end.  When he,” Dean took a deep breath, “when he passed he had every intention to come to you.  He wanted time to get himself together and we had planned a road trip to come see you.  I was gonna finally meet his best friend, the man that had changed my little brother’s life.  Two weeks after your letter was when it happened.  I can’t tell that story right now.  I do want you to know that you did help him.”

“Dean. I,” Castiel looked at Dean with watery eyes, “I don’t know what to say or do here.”

“Me neither.  I’d like to kiss you though if that is okay.  I need a little comfort.”

“Yes that is fine.”

Dean gave a soft smile as he leaned into Castiel.  It was a soft kiss just the touch of lips to remind them they were real and alive.  Castiel pulled Dean down with him onto the couch.  They lay silently in each other’s arms as the emotions settled.

*****

Dean grabbed Castiel’s arm as he lunged at him and slung him to the side.  Castiel dropped into a roll and was back on his feet in an instant.  He moved in fast and low toward Dean.  Dean dodged Castiel’s form but lost balance.  Dean fell backward and Castiel was on him without hesitation.  The wooden knife held to his neck.

“Dead,” Castiel grinned down at him.

“Why the hell are you so quick?” Dean let his head fall to the mat.

“Because I am not rusty like you.  I have never stopped training.  You let yourself slack,” Castiel teased as he sat back.

“I’ll show you what I haven’t been slackin’ at,” Dean lifted his left leg and Castiel shifted on top of him.

Dean used the moment of unbalance to roll Castiel to the mat and straddle him.  Dean kissed him softly and tilted his hips down. Castiel laughed into the kiss.

“Yes you are very well versed in the art of the bedroom and courting,” Castiel kissed him again, “now off.  If we are going to get you back in shape we have work to do.  You still have the skills but they are a little rusty.  Your muscle memory is what saves you.  Your body remembers what to do.”

“I guess I need some work,” Dean stood and reached for Castiel’s hand.

“What do you really want to work on?  Your foot work is good I think it just needs a little tweaking.  Your jabs are sloppy, your hooks are rubbish, your blocking could use some work and your kicks leaves much to be desired,” he took Dean’s hand and let him pull him to his feet.

“Well that is direct,” Dean chuckled, “I would like to work on my kicks and throws.  The basics before we get in to any one particular discipline.”

“Western or Eastern focus?”

“Uh, western because that is what I learned in the military and in prison.”

“Good.  I think that is better for you.  Let me grab the pads and shin guards.”

Castiel moved to the closet in back and pulled out the equipment that he needed.  He strapped on the body protector after he got the shin guards on.  He tossed Dean a set of shin guards and went to the center of the room. 

“Kicks to the body are the most effective.  Please do no kick me in the head.  I have not replaced he headgear since Danna destroyed it a few weeks ago,” Castiel advised as he took his stance.

“How the hell did she break the headgear?”

“Do not, I mean ever, let her kick at you if she is angry.  She does not pull her kicks.  A few rapid high kicks to worn gear tend to break them to pieces.”

“Holy shit.”

“Never let her kick at you until you’re ready,” Castiel watched Dean test his stance, “kick at me with what you remember.  I’ll critique from there.”

After a half hour of kicks and throws Castiel had tired Dean out.  Castiel smiled as Dean laid on the floor his breaths deep and heavy.  He hid his smirk as he wiped down the equipment.

“I think we need to work on your cardio.  Your stamina could be improved.”

“There’s nothin’ wrong with my stamina!” Dean lifted one arm in the arm then let it flop back to the mat, “I’ll show how great my stamina is,” he mumbled and closed his eyes.

“I think you should add twenty minutes of cardio to your day for the next three weeks.  There’s an elliptical in the gym.  It’s a good full body workout,” Castiel could not help but smile.

“Stamina,” deep breath, “is fine,” shaky deep breath, “man.”

“You’re winded from just taking kicks from me these last fifteen minutes.  You did not even have to do anything but get kicked,” Castiel closed the closet.

“Whatever,” Dean wheezed.

“Come.  We need to get you hydrated and showered.”

“I’m dyin’,” Dean grunted as he sat up.

“You’re acting kind of childish,” Castiel chuckled.

“You kicked my ass then knocked me down several times with kicks.  Then bruised my ego sayin’ that I suck at martial arts,” Dean followed Castiel to the cooler.

“Childish.  I did not say that you sucked.  I said that I have ten year olds with better form and execution,” Castiel handed him a bottle of water.

“Good thing you’re cute,” Dean replied then chugged the water.

“I have to go check in with Ellen real quick.  I’ll meet you in the lobby and we’ll go to lunch together in an hour.”

“Okay.”

Castiel kissed his cheek and then left the hidden room in the basement of the Roadhouse.

Dean stretched out after he finished his water.  He locked up the room and went back up to his apartment and showered.  He was dressed and in the lobby before Castiel.  When Castiel showed his hair was still damp and for the first time in a very long time he was in jeans instead of khakis or slacks.  The low rise dark wash jeans were paired with a graphic tee shirt and hoodie.  There was snow on the ground so Dean had no idea why Castiel did not have more layers.  Castiel grinned as he zipped up his hoodie.

“We’re taking the car so I don’t need more than this,” Castiel answered Dean’s unspoken question.

“How--?”

“You looked me up and down then looked out the doors.  You think that I will be cold,” Castiel flipped the hood up, “plus this is a lot thicker than it looks.”

“Oh okay.  Where are we headed?”

“It’s a surprise.”

Dean followed Castiel out to his jeep.  It idled at the curb and Charlie jumped out.

“Told ya I’d have her ready for ya,” she smiled as she headed back in.

“Thanks.”

“No problema Solo.”

“Does that make me Chewie?” Dean joked.

“Of course not,” Charlie turned to face him, “you’re Leia.”

Dean’s mouth fell open as Castiel laughed.

“Come on Princess we must be on our way,” Castiel responded as he got in the driver’s side.

“Have fun,” Charlie waved then went in the hotel.

Dean got in the jeep and Castiel pulled off.

“Some of our best talks happen while we drive.  If you would like speak on anything in particular I am open to it,” Castiel said as he headed toward the highway.

“I think that the last week has been filled enough with emotional stories.  How about you tell me something about your childhood?  You don’t talk much of it,” Dean suggested.

“There’s not much to tell.  You do not talk about your brothers and I do not want to talk about my childhood.  What is a neutral topic?” Castiel kept his eyes fixed on the road.

“When will Danna be back?  If she’s your handler shouldn’t she be around?”

“We video chat daily. I have a monitor in my watch.  Danna knows where I am at all times and if I feel that I might be dangerous I call her.  We have a system.  She should be back after Christmas.”

“Why does she leave?”

“I don’t know.  I think it has something to do with family.  She likes to be alone over the holidays.  We don’t ask and we let her do what it is she needs to do.”

“Okay.  Where are you takin’ me?”

“Some place different,” Castiel smiled.

They made the rest of the drive in silence.  Castiel pulled up to a little hole in the wall Italian restaurant.  Dean was not sure what he thought.  Though he remembered some of his favorite places had been little hidden gems that were not chains.

“Castiel!” a middle aged Italian woman grabbed Castiel into a fierce hug and kissed both his cheeks as they entered.

“Vittoria.  It’s good to see you,” Castiel smiled, “this is my partner Dean.”

“Finally!” Vittoria grabbed Dean into the same type of hug, “you get married now and adopt bunches of little bambini.”

“Vittoria!” Castiel’s eyes went wide, “we’ve only just begun to date.”

“No matter that. He,” she held Dean out at arm’s length and nodded with a crooked grin, “sì he is the one.”

“Nice to meet you,” Dean replied nervously.

“You are good for my Castiel,” Vittoria kissed his cheeks, “now come,” she hooked her arm in Dean’s, “you come and sit and let mama Vittoria take care of you.  I know just what you need.”

Castiel shook his head and followed behind them.  She sat them in the rearmost booth pass all the other diners.

“Jacomo,” Vittoria yelled, “bring the wine! Castiel is getting married!”

Dean blushed and turned to face Castiel.  Castiel’s face was a deeper shade of red and his eyes were wide.  Dean watched as a man about Vittoria’s age rushed out as he spoke rapidly in Italian while he carried a bottle of expensive wine and glasses.  Castiel’s name was the only word Dean caught.  When Castiel responded in Italian Dean turned to him and watched in awe as he spoke and gestured with his hands excitedly.

“Imma go put in your order and be righta back,” Vittoria smiled as she spun on her heels and went to the kitchen.

Jacomo and Castiel carried on a conversation as he uncorked the wine and poured a little for Castiel to taste.  Castiel approved and Jacomo poured them each a glass.  He sat down the bottle and grabbed up Dean into a tight hug.  Dean just smiled and nodded unsure what else to do since he could not understand them.  Jacomo left them alone after a few more words with Castiel.

“Well this was unexpected,” Castiel replied with a nervous laugh.

“Yeah you can say that again.”

“They are good people and now we have their blessing for the wedding that they will be catering because no one and I quote, ‘feeds you like your mama will feed you.  Dean is so skinny.  He doesn’t eat enough.  Mama V will feed him good’.”

“Okay then,” Dean nodded, “I hope this wedding is a small affair.”

Castiel felt the warmth curl in his chest when Dean did not panic at the thought of marriage even if it was something they would not even consider for years. 

Vittoria placed a spread out for them to make sure that they were well fed.  She sent them home with leftovers and dessert for an army.  Dean groaned as he buckled the seatbelt.

“I don’t think I will eat for a week.  People were not lying when they said Italians will feed you.  Good lord I am stuffed.”

Castiel chuckled as he headed back to the highway.  He glanced at Dean and was glad that he had not given up on him.  He knew that the future was uncertain and there would be obstacles but Castiel knew Dean would be worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for sticking around and reading, commenting, and leaving kudos! You guys help validate my existence on most days. I appreciate every single set of eyes that graces these words.
> 
> This chapter came out a little longer than i expected but if I cut it into two it would have felt too short. There's only two more heart breaking emotional conversations left to take place. Next chapter will include the details of Sam's passing. It was one of the hardest but it is done and I feel better and less anxious about it. It will not be any more graphic than canon scenes. I'll be put the warning in the chapter as well. I just like to give you guys a heads up for what to expect next week.
> 
> Stay awesome!


	14. Nothing and No One is Real*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's intimacy and it's also where Sam's death is revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: mentions of torture. Sam's death. Unstable!Dean.
> 
>  
> 
> I decided after I reread it to cut back on the graphic nature of Sam's death. It was actually a little hard for me to read and I figured I wouldn't want to pass the uncomfortable feels onto you guys.
> 
>  
> 
> *lyric from An Arrow as performed by Sarah Blasko

Dean kissed down Castiel’s neck as his hand moved under his shirt.  Castiel moaned as his eyes fluttered close. Dean moved slowly and with purpose to make sure that Castiel had a chance to back out.  When Castiel did not speak Dean’s hand pulled the undershirt up and touched his hands to Castiel’s bare stomach.

“How you doin’?” Dean pulled back and looked at Castiel.

“Emu,” Castiel mumbled without opening his eyes.

“As you wish,” Dean grinned as he leaned in and kissed him.

Dean kept as much urgency out of the kisses he shared with Castiel.  He wanted to let the fervor seep into each press of their lips but he did not want to set Castiel off.  Dean worked the buttons of Castiel’s shirt loose and slid it from his shoulders.  He helped him shuffle out of it and tossed it over his shoulder.  Dean kissed him and brushed his thumb over his cheek before he pushed his undershirt up and off.

Dean sat back and removed his own shirts.  He opened his eyes to see if Castiel had opened his.  Dean froze.  Castiel opened his eyes at Dean’s barely audible gasp.

“Dove,” Dean muttered as he moved off of Castiel.

“What’s wrong?” Castiel pushed up on his elbows and looked at Dean.

It only took a moment before Castiel realized what had caused Dean to stop.  Castiel scrambled from the bed and picked up his discarded undershirt.  Castiel sat on the foot of his bed as Dean pressed his back against the headboard.

“Castiel,” Dean shook his head.

“I forgot.  You haven’t seen all of me.  Winter has been my friend,” Castiel played with the hem of the shirt.

“We shouldn’t do this,” Dean clambered from the bed.

“Dean wait,” Castiel jumped up from the bed, “please.  We’ve waited so long and I know that I am ready.  If the scars bother you I can keep the shirt on.  I am slightly uncomfortable but I am willing to work passed it so that we can move further.”

Dean stopped half way to the door.  He stared at his socked feet as if they held the answers he needed.  His fists clenched and unclenched as he thought about what had been done to Castiel. 

“It was just words,” Dean shifted his weight and turned around, “it had just been words Cas.  I knew it had happened but this personifies it.  It means it was real.  That you were hurt.  I wasn’t there to protect you.”

“We did not know each other.  It was the past.  Come back to bed.”

“I don’t know if I can.  I should just go home.”

“Would it help if you saw it all at once?” Castiel swallowed his fear and let the love from Dean wash over him.

“I don’t know.”

“Sit on the bed,” Castiel moved out of his way.

Dean moved to the bed.  He hesitated for a moment then sat down. Castiel lifted his chin with his fingertips and kissed him then stepped back.  Castiel pulled the shirt back over his head.  He paused for a moment then took the belt loose and removed his pants.  He stood in front of Dean in his boxer briefs.

“You can touch,” Castiel whispered.

Dean swallowed hard and lifted his hand slowly and traced the first scar that caught his eye.  It was one that Dean recognized because he had three of his own to match.  He bit his lip as his fingers traced it.

“A 38 middle range, not too close but way closer than comfortable,” Dean’s fingers moved to another on the edge of his hip, “9mm not quite point blank.  If you sneezed it would have killed you.  The scar tissue is the worst.  A shiv,” he traced the jagged scar, “I have one on my thigh to match.”

“May I see yours?  May I touch yours?”

“Yeah,” Dean removed his clothes.

As the minutes ticked by they explored each other’s scars.  Castiel turned so that Dean could see his back where the damage had been the worst.  Castiel closed his eyes as the tears spilled over.  Under Dean’s gentle touch Castiel felt the rest of his tension drain away.  His shoulders eased and he stepped back in to Dean’s space until his back was pressed against Dean’s chest.  Dean trailed his hands down Castiel’s chest and stomach.  He pressed soft kisses to his shoulders as his hands settled on Castiel’s hips.

Castiel moaned and tilted his head to give Dean better access.  Dean pulled Castiel as close as he could manage.  Dean let his teeth graze over Castiel’s neck as he made his way to his ear.

“You are beautiful.”

“Dean,” Castiel sobbed.

“Shh baby,” Dean spun Castiel to face him, “I have you,” he brushed the tears away with his thumbs and kissed his forehead.

“Dean,” he whispered as he nuzzled Dean, “I thought I was untouchable forever.  I lied.  I haven’t been with anyone since I got back here.  I tried to develop sexual desires with others and I could not. I tried to have relationships for romance and it was not something I was able to achieve. You are the first to make me desire intercourse.”

“I’m glad,” Dean brushed kisses across his face, “then I can show you the world my love.”

“That is a bit sappy for you,” Castiel chuckled.

“Yeah.”

Castiel initiated the kiss that took Dean’s breath away.  Dean let Castiel guide the kiss and he had to pull back a moment to catch his breath.  Castiel chased his mouth and yank him into his arms. 

“Bed?” Dean asked breathless.

“Yes please.”

Dean straddled Castiel and felt the warmth bloom inside him as he took in Castiel’s appearance.  He ignored the scars and just looked into Castiel’s eyes as he changed his position to lay on top of Castiel. 

“This is okay?”

“Yes.”

“Good.”

“The kisses weren’t enough to answer that?” Castiel smiled.

Dean pressed his hips down as he closed his eyes and kissed Castiel.  He allowed the emotion to bleed into each kiss as his hands roamed over Castiel.  Dean felt Castiel’s hard length pressed against him as they continued to kiss and grope each other.  Castiel lifted his legs to either side of Dean and pushed up against him.  Castiel’s breathing stuttered when Dean shifted to slide his erection against Castiel’s.  It turned into a tangle of limbs and chorus of pleasured sounds as they moved against each other.

“Cas,” Dean barely managed, “touch.  Can I touch you there?”

“Uh huh,” Castiel nodded rapidly.

“Thank you.”

Dean tucked his hands into Castiel’s boxer briefs and welcomed the whimpers as his fingers wrapped around Castiel’s heated flesh.  Castiel bucked up into his hand and gasped at Dean’s tightened his grip.  Incoherent noises spilled from Castiel as he thrust into Dean’s fist.

“I need you to release first,” Dean kissed his neck right under his ear, “I can’t hold off much longer,” his voice was tainted with pleasure as he groaned.

“Uh huh.”

Castiel welcomed the tingles, warmth and pressured that coiled within him as an old friend.  He whined and whimpered as he fought for the waterfall of pleasure.  His mouth fell open in a silent scream when it hit.  He jerked uncontrollably against Dean as he spilled over his fist.

“Fuck that’s hot,” Dean began to rut harder and faster against Castiel’s thigh as he chased his own orgasm, “Cas,” he breathed as he fell over the edge.

Dean pressed his forehead against Castiel’s neck as his orgasm washed over him.  They stayed there in the shared aftermath for several minutes before Dean got up and went to Castiel’s bathroom and returned with a warm washcloth.  He cleaned them up and snuggled into each other.

“Thank you,” Castiel murmured as he drifted into a light sleep.

Dean held Castiel to him and breathed in his scent.  He closed his eyes and followed Castiel into slumber.

*****

_Dean helped Ms. Stinson up the stairs to her apartment.  His phone buzzed on his hip as he sat her bags down on her dining room table.  She hugged him and he left with a smile on his face.  Dean got back into the impala and pulled out his phone._

**_Sammy: I reread the letter again.  Maybe I shouldn’t meet up.  He seems to have his life back on track.  He leaves for basic training in a few weeks. What if he’s too busy?  I shouldn’t bother him._ **

**_Dean: Sammy, Cassy wouldn’t have taken time to write that long ass letter BY HAND if he didn’t want to get in touch.  You should just call him. We shouldn’t pop up unannounced._ **

**_Sammy: I told him I would be married by now. Ruby and I have barely gotten to  second base._ **

**_Dean: LOL! He isn’t going to care.  We’ll talk more over dinner tonight.  I have 2 more stops to drop off food to Mr. McGee and Mrs. Winston._ **

**_Sammy: I’ll meet you Leo’s.  I have to finish up a lab I missed._ **

**_Dean: Coolbeans_ **

_Dean started the car and headed across town to finish his trips for the food bank._

_Dean pulled his jacket on then got out of the car.  He whistled as he tucked his keys in his pocket.  He walked up the block to Leo’s Pizzeria when he heard a high pitched scream followed by shouting. Dean brushed his jacket to the side and unbuttoned his holster.  His hand hovered as he walked to the side of the building.  Another scream ripped through the air.  Dean pulled his gun in one swift movement.  He moved in long silent strides as he walked to the end of the building.  The unmistakable click clack of heels running echoed as he made his to the edge.  He dropped his stance low as he looked around the corner._

_The woman’s dress was torn, her face and arms were scratched, and her hair was a mess as she ran in his direction.  She yelled for help while she ran to him as she flailed her arms.  Dean put his fingers to his lips as he stood.  She crashed into his open arms and sobbed against his chest._

_“Th-there’s a guy back there.  H-he s-saved me but they h-have guns and a kni-knife,” she wept as she tried to calm herself._

_“Here,” Dean used his free hand and gave her his phone, “call the cops.  I’m gonna need back up.  How many guys?”_

_“Five or six.”_

_A gunshot rang out and she jumped and let out a squeal.  Two more gun shots and yowls of pain filled the air.  Something pulled tight in Dean’s chest._

_“Go to that car and lock yourself in there,” he handed her keys, “don’t get out unless the cops are here.  If anything goes downhill you take off and drive to the police station.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_Dean turned and his body went into defensive mode automatically.  He would recall the moment as white noise and calm settled over him.  Nothing existed except him and the assailants.  His marks.  Dean was quiet and turned the corner and could only see their shadows. He moved and rounded the last corner.  The men were over a body and they kicked and shouted at the person.  A guy moved forward and plunged the knife into the stomach of the man on the ground.  The man jerked and the floppy hair swayed as the man jerked and swung at the men.  There was one other body on the ground but as soon as Dean caught sight of the jacket of the man that had been stabbed he knew.  There was no warning shot.  The man with the knife crumbled to the ground.  One of the others took off running.  Dean got him in the arm.  That man had blocked the other and he had made it free. The other two returned fire before they turned to run.  One took the shot to the side of the head and the other took a bullet to the leg but managed to round the corner._

_Dean rushed to the other once he was out of danger.  The man whimpered and begged.  Dean changed his mind of trying to keep him alive for the police.  Dean fired off two more rounds into his head.  Dean turned back and the white noise disappeared as he holstered his gun.  He dropped to his knees and pulled Sam into his arms.  Even though he knew it was no help he scooped Sam’s innards and pushed them back in._

_“My brother,” blood dribbled from his mouth, “he’ll kill,” ragged cough, “he’ll kill y’all.”_

_“Sam.  Sammy,” Dean rocked, “I’m here.  Sam hold on.  Hear that?” he cradled him to his chest, “that’s the sirens.  Helps comin’.”_

_“Dean.  Dean.  Get Dean,” Sam stared unseeing into Dean’s face, “he’ll save me.  He always saves me.”_

_The gash on Sam’s arm gushed, his face was sliced, his shoulder blown out from a gunshot, his knee had been shattered by another gunshot and Dean held part of his stomach in his hands.  Dean could do nothing more than calculate the injuries and think of ways to repair his little brother, the last member of his family.  There were too many wounds, too much blood.  Dean shouted over and over for help until he was hoarse and the police ran up the cool damp ground to him.  He heard the faint rolling of the wheels of the stretcher as the paramedics followed._

_“Dean will save me,” Sam choked out and a gush of blood spilled with one last coughing fit._

_Dean shouted over and over that he needed to hold on that help was there.  That he was there.  That he was not alone.  Dean shook as the tears spilled down his face.  The paramedics tried to pull Dean away but he would not let go._

_“No.  You can’t.  No,” Dean wheezed._

_“Sir let him go we have him.”_

_Dean remembered he stood with a police officer.  In the background he heard the hopeless voice and he fell to his knees._

_“Victim was DOA.”_

_It echoed repeatedly in Dean’s mind._

_Dean opened his eyes and he was on a cot.  Dean’s clothes were stiff and tacky.  He looked down and he was covered in blood.  It rushed back to him.  His brother’s blood.  He began to bellow and a police officer rushed in._

_“Sergeant Major Winchester.  Please calm down.”_

_“Dean,” Dean rasped._

_“Dean,” the officer nodded, “we have some questions for you.”_

_Dean vaguely remembered hours of questions and Sam’s body as the coroner pulled back the sheet.  He was alone._

_For Dean the next few weeks were questions and generic condolences.  He walked outside of himself and fell into a drunken stupor.  He stopped all activity.  Dean never left the apartment and he pushed the few people in his life away.  He put all of his stuff in storage and was eventually evicted when he did not have the funds to pay rent anymore.  He could not return to the family home even though it would have been a free living space.  Sam had renovated it and set it up as his and Dean could not bear to go there.  Duffel bag, wittiness and a little cash was all Dean took with him as he made his life as a vagrant.  Dean lived on the streets, did work under the table for money while he let his checks sit in the bank, and stayed off the radar until it happened._

_Dean had hoped that one day it would happen and it did.  Dean saw the limp.  He saw the horrible wolf tattoo.  Dean dropped the bottle of whiskey and the white noise returned after it had been dormant for months.  Dean’s blinders were in place.  Dean followed the limp and tattoo.  He was glad he had waited.  The limp and tattoo led to the scar and the missing finger.  His gun was safe in the storage.  But his most deadly of weapons balled into fists.  He was quick and brutal with missing finger.  Limp and tattoo never saw it until it was too late._

_“Please,” the man begged as the blood spilled from his eye socked._

_“You weren’t sorry before,” Dean growled emotionlessly._

_Dean carved a large S into the man’s left thigh.  He allowed the blood from the stub of the arm to pool into the skull cap he had removed from missing finger.  He poured it into the man’s mouth.  Dean fell further into the white noise as he grabbed the man’s gun and shot a round into his foot.  The man hollered and Dean knew eventually someone would show up with questions but it did not matter.  Dean grabbed the knife and cut the Y shape as if he was a mortician.  The man dropped into shock._

_The police found Dean forearm deep in limp and tattoo._

“Because of their involvement in Sam’s death I did not get life or the death penalty.  It was considered a crime of passion,” Dean managed to finish before the tears and sobs broke from him.

Castiel pulled Dean into his arms.  He was not sure how long they sat there but he knew Dean needed the time.  Dean clung to Castiel as the images of Sam flashed and he heard the phantom gurgles as Sam tried to breathe with punctured lungs.  Dean cried himself to sleep.  When he woke he felt lighter.

“You,” Dean uncurled himself from around Castiel, “you’re still here.”

“Of course.  Where else would I have gone?”

“You aren’t scared?  You’re not mad?”  Dean lay his head back on Castiel’s chest afraid to see his reaction.

“No.  I have neither of those emotions.  Dean,  that,” Castiel bit his lip and rethought his word choice, “what happened back then was nothing worse than what I would have done in the situation.  To be honest I would have done a lot more torture.  I would not have ended it so quickly with the other man.  What of the third man that got away?”

“He had died of blood lost from the bullet I had put in his arm,” Dean sat up and leaned against the arm of the sofa, “you would have done more?”

“Dean,” Castiel’s face went blank, “I was specialized in interrogation techniques that were a breath away from inhumane.  There is a part of me that can do what you did, compartmentalize it and never think of it again.  Certain situations require an outcome that may not be what some consider good or nice.  There is a greater good and it does not allows fall in the lawful acceptable morality code.  Not everything is black and white.”

Dean stared at Castiel.  In that moment Dean saw in Castiel the assassin, martial arts expert, ex-military deranged love of his life.  Dean could not love him more.  Castiel shared a piece of him that no one had ever been able to before.  Dean knew he could be open and honest with him and Castiel would not judge.

“How many?” Dean whispered as he shifted into a better position.

“How many what?”

“Kills.”

“Oh,” Castiel looked down and then back into Dean’s eyes, “personal, over all or just an estimation of all?”

“Personal.”

“Are you sure about this?” Castiel’s eyes glazed over for a moment.

“Yes,” Dean nodded as he folded his hands together.

“By my hand directly 113.  I was also a demolition expert.  The number would be a few hundred more if all the bodies could have been located,” Castiel answered with a straight face.

“Fuck.  Including those from that night, 42,” Dean flinched at the memory, “have you,” he swallowed, “have you ever killed anyone with your bare hands?”

“I think that is enough talk about killing and death,” Castiel swung his legs over the edge of the sofa.

“Please.  I won’t have the courage to talk about this again.”

Castiel sighed, “if it’ll help you.  38 with my hands.  They were not all the same but it happened.”

“How can you be so sure about the number?”

“I kept a journal.  Every kill was documented.  If I knew their names I put them in there.  I would send flowers or money to their families.  It was how I kept track of my accomplishments.”

“Oh wow.  Okay,” Dean replied a little off put.

“I am not ashamed of my past and killing is not something that I feel to be immoral.  I was very good at my job.”

“And that is why Danna exists.  I’m not sayin’ you should feel remorse but it’s weird that you can speak of it so casually I guess.”

“I think it best if we close this conversation.  You are uncomfortable with my coolness here.  You haven’t had dinner.  I will make something to eat while you take a warm shower.  It’ll make you feel better,” Castiel stood.

“You’re right,” Dean stood as well.

“Of course I am,” Castiel smiled and kissed his cheek.

“Hey Cas,” Dean grabbed his arm as he worked up the courage.

“Yes Dean?”

“I think, I, uh, I love you.”

“I know,” Castiel smirked and kissed him sweetly.

“Dammit,” Dean mumbled as he walked to his bathroom, “I _am_ Leia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! You guys are friggin awesome. Thank you bunches for reading, commenting, leaving kudos and just being fantastic individuals. *throws cookies and chocolates to everyone* and for those watching what you eat *gently tosses a few apples, pears, bananas and some yogurt*
> 
> I am done with rehashing their dramatic, emotional and heart breaking pasts. On to the present and future! Plus a special guest appearance for next chapter.


	15. Almost Convinced me I'm Real*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean is wonderful as always. A special guest shows up. Castiel shows s little more of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * "Touch" Daft Punk

Dean climbed down from the ladder, took a few steps back and looked at his handy work.  Dean nodded and turned around to Ellen.

“Honey where have you been all my life?  The decorations are perfect and not lopsided like that damn husband of mine tends to make ‘em,” Ellen threw her hands up in relief.

“Glad I could help ya out.  I have to go help Benny with his and then I will be done for the day.  I think everyone will be decorated and ready to bring in Christmas properly,” Dean folded the ladder and tucked it under his arm.

“This town has improved with you here,” Ellen winked and went back to work.

Dean smiled as he headed out the door and up the block to Benny’s.  When he got there the restaurant was in chaos.  Dean slipped inside and placed the ladder against the wall away from foot traffic.

“Jules what’s goin’ on?” Dean asked as she rushed pass he fell in step behind her.

“We had people call out and then a tourist bus pulled up.  Sorry shug I ain’t got time to chat.”

Dean grabbed the ladder and put it in the break room.  He put his jacket and flannel in his locker, grabbed an apron and a pad and pen.  He headed back out front and eyed the seating chart and waiting list.  Dean smiled and grabbed three menus and rolled silverware.

“Williams part of three,” Dean addressed them cheerfully, “welcome to NOLAs.  We’re not usually this crazy promise.  A few people had some family emergencies.  Follow me this way and we’ll get ya one step closer to fillin’ your belly.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Stephanie will be your server today.  You’re in for the best experience of your life.  She if more joyful than Santa.”

Dean sat the menus and silverware in front of them and went to the side of the kitchen.  He grabbed an empty bin and began to clear tables to make room for the patrons that waited.  He cleared and cleaned as many tables as he could then went back to the front.  Benny mouthed a thank you to him while he rang up customers that picked up to-go orders.  Dean stayed steady until there was no one left to wait for seating.  He scrubbed up and headed to the small bar and helped out there.  Once the rush had died down he went back to his locker and grabbed his clothes.

“Brother you have no idea how grateful I am for you today,” Benny gave his shoulders a squeeze.

“I couldn’t just let you suffer.  I hope I helped.”

“Dean you have no idea.  And we got nothing but compliments aboutcha,” Benny smiled, “here,” Benny handed him a wad of cash.

“What’s this?”

“I was told to share tips with you.”

“I can’t take their tips.  It isn’t fair,” Dean pushed the money back at him.

“I told them you would say that.  They declared they would not have gotten as big of tips without you,” Benny grinned.

“Damn okay.  Thanks,” Dean pocketed the money, “I’m gonna get these lights up on the outside then the giant ass figures that you want me to put up.”

“Just get the lights for me.  You worked hard today on a day you were supposed to be off.  I can get everything else.”

“Alright.”

Dean strung the lights and headed home.  He showered and headed down to the bar for a late lunch.  He was supposed to meet Castiel but there was no sign of him.

“He’s running late.  He had to go to the airport to pick someone up,” Kevin replied as soon as Dean caught his eye, “he said he’ll be only a few minutes late.”

“Thanks,” Dean sat down at the bar, “who is he picking up?”

“I have no clue.  He got a call while he was dropping off supplies.  It’s someone he likes because his smile was huge.  The only time I’ve seen him look like that was when you showed up,” Kevin grinned as he wiped down the bar.

“Maybe a friend from the military.  He seemed to like them.  Can I get one of those drinks that Gilda makes me?  There’s no alcohol in it but it tastes the same.”

“Sure.  She’s named it the Winchester so if you want one just ask for it by name,” Kevin chuckled as he grabbed a glass.

“Wow I have my own drink,” Dean smiled with pride.

“It’s actually pretty popular.  We have a lot of people that swing by with friends that are in AA or just getting clean.  They can order a drink and not feel like the weird one out.”

“It’s horrible that there is such a stigma on people that don’t want to drink or can’t.  It’s stupid.”

“Society is stupid generally,” Kevin shrugged as he made his drink.

“Hey there handsome.  I hear you worked miracles over at NOLAs this afternoon?” Amy sat down by him.

“Yeah.  They got hit with a bus and I think two people quit.  Julie said called out but they were just penciled in so I don’t think they’re coming back,” Dean nodded a thank you to Kevin as he sat down his drink.

“Yeah but no one works a room like you do.  Even though it was a long wait people were still happy.  I told you that you were a good guy,” Amy clapped a hand on his back and got up to take care of the customers that had walked in.

“Everyone likes you Dean,” Kevin said when he walked back over.

“Should I be worried?”

“Why?  Shouldn’t people like you?” Kevin laughed.

“I don’t know.  People like me but then I could do something and everyone could hate me.  I like it when people are indifferent,” Dean sipped his drink.

“Good things are okay to accept ya know?  Don’t worry we all like you because of who you are and who have allowed Castiel to become.  You two are probably the two most talked about people in town.”

“I hope we don’t break up then.”

“HA!  Like that is even possible.  You guys are so in love it’s disgustingly sweet,” Kevin slapped the bar top.

“I told him.  It was just like you said.  It felt right.”

“Good on you.  Speak of the devil,” Kevin pointed to the door.

“Hey Cas,” Dean turned around.

“Hello Dean.  Sorry I was late,” Castiel kissed Dean’s cheek when he reached him.

“Oh,” Dean froze in surprise, “uh, no worries.  Kevin and I were just shootin’ the breeze.”

“Good.  You weren’t lonely,” Castiel brushed his fingers over Dean’s hand.

“Who’d you have to get from the airport?” Dean watched his hand and tried not to shiver.

“Cassy.  This place is wonderful,” the man entered as if on cue.

Dean looked passed Castiel and saw an overly happy man with sandy blonde hair, a bag of Twizzlers tucked under his arm, hazel eyes and the shadow of features that Castiel had.  Dean realized it was a relative of Castiel’s.  He stood a little straighter and ran a hand over his damp hair and hopped he looked presentable.

“Come over,” Castiel waved at the man, “Dean this is my brother Gabriel.  Gabriel this is Dean.”

“ _The_ Dean,” Gabriel grinned as he approached, “finally I get to meet the man that brought my little brother back to life.”

Castiel rolled his eyes.

“Nice to meet you,” Dean was a little off put by the appearance of a brother that Castiel never mentioned.

“I am guessin’ Cassy hasn’t said much about me.  It’s okay.  He’s quiet about family.”

“Yeah well because he came to get you I am assuming you're not the family that left him to rot in prison,” Dean let his hand go and picked his drink up.

“No,” Gabriel’s eyes darkened for a moment, “I am not.  Those assholes wouldn’t step foot near Castiel without worrying about my wrath,” he pulled a Twizzler form the bag, “anyhoo, so glad to be here.  I have missed the good ol’ US of A.  I am even happier to return to my brother being in love.  Let’s grab a table and get some grub.  I have loads of embarrassing stories to finally share.”

“Gabe you promised,” Castiel flushed.

“Fine I won’t tell any nudity stories.  Especially not the one about you singing ‘Free Falling’ while running around the market naked.”

“Gabriel!” Castiel turned to Dean, “he’s joking,” he chuckled nervously.

“Maybe Gabriel and I should have lunch alone,” Dean smirked as they made their way to a table.

“Never.”

 

Dean climbed in bed and Castiel put his book aside. 

“Sorry for the last minute need to share.  I didn’t know he was going to show up,” Castiel put an arm around Dean’s waist.

“No worries.  I like sharing my bed with you.  I think I’m a little upset because you didn’t tell me you had a brother that you liked,” Dean turned off the light.

“I did.  When we first started talking.  I’m in control of his estate.”

“Oh.  I thought you had a brother that had passed.  I felt like such an ass for asking about it all after.”

“I can see how you concluded that.  I should have been clearer.  In order to keep the family’s hands off of his money and property while he travels he has to have someone in control.  Since we’re the only ones that get along and he can trust me we work well together.”

“If he’s alive and traveling then they can’t touch his stuff,” Dean pulled the blankets up.

“Gabriel tends to disappear without communication.  They will like to declare him legally dead and take what they want.  With me in control of his estate he can disappear as often as he likes.”

“I thought it had to be seven years or something.”

“Not when you have money like my family.  They have judges, politicians, policeman and congressmen in their pockets.  That’s why we stay away from them.  We’re different.”

“Well I’m glad you’re different.”

“Mm hm.  Dean do you think we could try for more tonight?”

“Uh.  How about later?”

“Alright.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to but I like to be prepared for the first time.”

“You’re a gracious lover,” Castiel kissed his neck.

“Now don’t start that.  I won’t be responsible for my actions if you keep that up.”

Castiel giggled and cuddled closer.

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Kisses your forehead* You guys are wonderful! Thanks so much for all the love! I love you guys and if any of you are in the VA area come over for cookies! I also make burritos to die for. I adore kudos, comments and feedback so feel free to chat me up.
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter because I wanted to get something out this week. I've got a couple of deadlines to meet with my fantasy series novels so I couldn't give too much with my fics. I am not forgetting my babies here because I love writing fanfics too!


	16. Unforgettable

Gabriel worked the kitchen at NOLAs a few days before Christmas and Benny was impressed.  Gabriel sang while he cooked and it kept everyone’s spirits high.  Dean watched him from his position at the sink and was not shocked to understand why Castiel liked him out of all of his family.  Gabriel was a character but was also compassionate. He was ball of energy Dean didn’t know how he was not exhausted by the end of each day.

“Has he always been like this?” Dean asked as he watched Gabriel perform the entire Coyote Ugly routine on top the bar one night.

“Yes.”

“Well he does have some nice moves and those boots are bitchin’,” Dean laughed as Gabriel fell into the splits on the bar top.

“He’s just trying to gain the attention of the table there in the corner.  He likes what he sees,” Castiel pointed.

“The college kids?”

“Yes.  Gabriel doesn’t discriminate sexually.  He will take them all to bed,” Castiel shrugged.

“Well then.  Good for him.  I just hope it isn’t your bed.”

Castiel’s eyes got wide.  The thought had not occurred to him.

“We can get you a new bed,” Dean teased.

“A memory foam one like yours?” Castiel’s eyes shined with hope.

“Yup,” Dean pulled Castiel into his arms.

“Okay then.”

“Hey boys,” Ellen sat down with them.

“Hi Ellen what do you need?” Castiel smiled at her.

“I need Dean’s pies.  We’re doin’ dinner Christmas Eve just like Thanksgiving.  Your pies were a hit,” Ellen shot him a pleading look.

“That gives me four days.  I can do that for you.  Pumpkin and sweet potato?”

“And if you can do an apple for lil ol’ me,” Ellen batted her lashes.

“Yeah.  I have no problem makin’ an apple pie for ya,” Dean nodded.

“Thanks.  Have you guys seen Jo anywhere?” Ellen stood.

“Not since this morning.  She was covering as hostess for Stephanie who had to go pick up Tyler sick at a friend’s,” Castiel relayed.

“Thanks honey.  You boys stay out of trouble.  And tell Gabriel his room is ready and Charlie has his key.”

“Sure thing,” Dean nodded as Ellen walked off.

“He’s getting his own room.  The gods do love me,” Castiel smiled as he leaned into Dean.

“I’ll still help you shop for a new bed,” Dean kissed his temple, “I think I’m ready to call it a night.  Watching Gabe has tired me out.”

“Just a few more minutes.  I have to see if he succeeds,” Castiel pulled out his phone and sent Gabriel a text about his room.

Gabriel smiled and gave him a thumbs up.  Gabriel jumped up from the bar top where he had paused and sauntered over to the table with the college students.  Dean watched him expectantly and almost choked on his drink when Gabriel produced a banana and ate it all in one motion.  The eyes of the guys at the table went wide.

“Hook.  Line.  Sinker,” Dean chuckled as he wiped up.

“He is something else.  Come on let’s go to bed,” Castiel pulled a few bills from his pocket and placed them on the table.

Gabriel winked as he passed them with his arms around a guy and a girl from the table.  Dean just shook his head as he followed Castiel.  They reached Dean’s room and changed for bed.  Castiel had just slipped under the covers when his phone rang.

“If he asking me to bring him condoms I will not respond,” Castiel joked as he picked up the phone from the nightstand.

“I’m pretty sure he’s prepared.”

Castiel’s smile dropped as soon as he saw the text.  Castiel threw the covers back and placed the phone to his ear as he pulled on his pajama pants with one hand.

“ϤТО НОВОГО?” Castiel slid on his slippers and walked out of the door.

 

“Something big is what’s up.  You’re not alone if you’re speaking Russian,” Danna whispered as she lay on her belly on the cold of the roof top.

 “Da.”

“Well that’s fine.  I have to be quick with this anyway.  Just listen,” she closed one eye as peered through the scope.

“Da,” Castiel began to pace in front of Dean’s door.

“Every time the holidays roll around I disappear as you know.  No one knows why I disappear.  I can trust you and I have no choice but to tell you now.  I take contracts.  I’m currently on an assignment,” Danna flipped back the tip of her glove and licked her finger and held it in the air, “this assignment is a little close to home for us,” she adjusted her position and peered back through the scope, “there are contracts out my little albatross for your comrades.  I’ve got a list for four that are in the US still.  The hawk has been sent out to those in the Attic.  The falcon has got the ones in the old country.  I found out that they have Lark’s team headed there.  They know where I am so you can guess that this shit is goin’ down while I’m away.  After I finish this I am headin’ to roost.”

“Fuck,” Castiel stopped.

“My sentiments exactly.  And yes I am still takin’ out my mark here.  I apologize if you like him but mama has got to get paid,” Danna inhaled and pulled the trigger three times.

“I know.”

“I know that you know.  The others are still up for now,” Danna sat back on her hunches and dissembled the gun without a conscious thought, “I’ll be at the roost by zero four thirty.”

Danna flipped off the Bluetooth and slung the bag over her shoulder.  She braced her feet on the outside of the ladder and cupped the rail as she slid down with a whispered swoosh.  Danna dropped the cell phone in the dumpster and removed a bottle from her pocket.  She poured the contents over the phone and watched it sizzle before she turned to her car.  Danna put the rifle in the truck and pulled another phone from the stash then closed the trunk.  She turned it on, synched her Bluetooth and disabled the GPS.

“Krissy.  I’m callin’ in Bogotá.”

“It’s been over a decade darlin’ what makes you think that you can?”

Danna could hear the smirk and grinned, “because you’ve been silent for quite some time.  It’s time to make some noise.”

 

Castiel stared at the phone and did not move.  His hand began to shake, tears sprang to his eyes and his chest grew tight.  He tried to swallow pass the lump in his throat but struggled.  Castiel closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  He wiped his face and went back into Dean’s.

“Dude what’s up?” Dean stood immediately and walked to Castiel.

“Dean,” Castiel tried to soften his glare, “I need you to pack a bag and gather everyone.  Tell them to do the same.  I need everyone that I care about to leave here by tomorrow afternoon.  It will be easier to leave under nightfall.”

“Cas you’re scaring me.  Why would we do that?” Dean’s brow creased as he moved to Castiel’s side.

“I do not have time to explain,” Castiel replied through clinched teeth as he held his emotions at bay, “I just need you to do as I say and do not question me.  Take the jeep and fit as many people as you can.  I am going to give you directions to a safe house.  Danna’s place will be compromised at this point.  I need you to get to Richmond and stay there,” he stepped away from Dean, “it’s a couple hours drive but you have to make it there.  Text when you get there.  Then have everyone turn off their phones.  There will be a few burners there that can be used,” Castiel grabbed a bag from Dean’s closet and began to put things in it.

“Castiel,” Dean had fallen back into military mode from Castiel’s example, “if you are in trouble I’m not leavin’ you here.”

“Dean you do not have a choice.  Go to Charlie she can send out a message to those that are not here.”

“Stop!” Dean grabbed his arm, “tell me what’s goin’ on.”

“Dean there is no time,” Castiel shoved the half packed bag at Dean, “grab whatever else you need and go.”

Dean caught his wrist, “listen to me.  Whatever is goin’ down here, we can handle it together.”

“No Dean.  We cannot.  You barely have the skills refreshed and I will not risk it.  I love you and if something happens to me I can die knowing that you are safe with our friends.”

Dean dropped his wrist, stepped closer as a slow smile spread across his face and pulled Castiel to him.  Dean kissed him without a moment of hesitation Castiel returned the kiss.

“I love you too,” Dean dropped the bag and hugged him tight.

“What?” Castiel stepped back.

“You don’t even realize that you said it,” Dean snorted, “you just told me you loved me.”

“I did?” Castiel squinted and looked at him then nodded, “yes I do.”

“Then we should handle whatever this is together.”

“Dean,” Castiel sighed, “they are coming after me.  There is a contract on my head.”

“What?” Dean frowned and let Castiel go, “you can’t be serious?  Who was that on the phone?  Could they have lied to you?”

“Danna would never lie to me.”

“Danna?”

“Yes.  She was informed by her superiors that there is a team scheduled to be here.  They are sending a team not just one assassin.  That means they will take out or use those I care about against me because that is what I would do.”

“Why now?  After all these years.”

“Danna did not have time to explain anything to me.  She was rather busy trying to get here in time.”

“That’s why we can’t go to her place because you think they will be laying in wait or have it booby trapped,” Dean nodded as he began to understand, “it makes sense.  I would do it if it was my mission.  That also means they may already have someone on recon right now.  They will notice if we just up and leave,” he paced as his mind worked to formulate a plan.

“There are only three new faces that have arrived in the last two weeks.  None are of any danger.  I have had their calls monitored and background checks completed,” Castiel paced with his hands behind his back.

“What?” Dean turned back to Castiel.

“I do that when anyone stops here for more than a day.  I have to keep myself protected,” Castiel stated as if it was an everyday thing.

“Well damn.  So you did my background check?”

“Yes of course.  Though I will admit, I was very infatuated with you that I let my guard down for a few weeks before I actually remembered.  I just ran the basics since you had revealed so much personally.  You are clean and have no respect for the military or government,” Castiel eyes went wide, “you would be perfect,” he stopped and _looked_ at Dean, “you had shown up months ago so you would never be suspected,” his eyes trailed up Dean’s body and took in his stance, “because of your background and alleged hate toward the government.  But you have no connections to anyone except Pamela.  One person.  No family.  You were an ex-con with nothing to his name.  A large sum of money could change everything,” Castiel took a step back, “you could easily be looked over and infiltrate my inner circle.  It would be a long term run.  You get in and wait.  Just sit in wait,” he took another step back, “Dean,” he shook his head, “it is definitely something I would do if the situation was reversed.  Dean.”

“Castiel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought there was going to be crazy danger sex right? Yeah, no. I thought about it. But it didn't fit. Their first time has to be more than a threat of one of them dying ya know?
> 
> OOOOH! What's going to happen?! I promise you won't be disappointed. Well . . . some of you might but I think the majority of you won't.
> 
> Thanks as always guys for the kudos, taking time to read and comments!
> 
> I'm not gonna lie I had no idea where this was going. I originally started this story based on friends of mine and wanted to write a few specific scenes. When I got those out of the way it kinda turned into the spin-off episode, it was there but not fulfilling. So I sat on the phone with my beta for a couple of hours every other day a few weeks ago. He helped me get where I'm going. We read back over it together he was like "the fact that Cas was discharged and held captive continued to come up like foreshadowing. You should go with that. Here's my ideas. . ." So we worked it out.
> 
> I am planning about three more chapters but I dunno now. We'll see. There will not be a chapter next week. Medical reasons I will be away and I have not finished it to send to my beta to post for me. Sorry loves! Don't hate me for the cliff hanger that isn't going to be up for two weeks. I love you I swear.


	17. Great Minds Think Alike

“Castiel,” Dean put his hands up and took a few steps back as well, “I am in my boxers and a tank top.  I’m pretty sure that if I wanted to kill you that I would be armed.  Where could I be holding a weapon?”

“There’s the gun under your side of the mattress, the knife under the table, the gun behind the television set and the gun and knife inside the cabinet by the fridge.  It is not about where you are hiding it on your body.  It is about how fast you can retrieve one of the ones already hidden,” Castiel stopped and studied Dean again.

“Cas I don’t have anything to gain from this.”

“What are saying Dean?  That you so happened to show up a few months before there is a team sent to assassinate me and it’s just a happy coincidence?”

“Actually that is it exactly.  I promise you that I am here without any mission.  I am here to find myself not kill you.  What would I gain from falling in love with you then killing you other than a broken heart?”

“I do not know the answer.  How can I be sure that this is real?” Castiel’s face went blank.

“You’re doin’ that hiding thing with your face so there is some doubt in there somewhere.  I’m gonna lower my hands now.  I will sit down on the chair and you can tie me up if that is gonna make you feel better.  There’s rope--”

“In your closet.  I know.  I check your room each week.  That is your only saving grace right now.  That is the only reason I have not broken your neck.  I have not found any evidence against you ever.  But you could know that I would look and hide everything somewhere else.”

“Why did you jump to this conclusion so quick?  Are you gonna run again?  I am not gonna hurt you.  Cas believe me.”

The door flew open and Gabriel stood there with a battered and cuffed Ken in his grasp.  Gabriel pushed Ken into the room at gun point.  He kicked the door shut behind him.

“Cassy believe him,” Gabriel holstered his gun.

“Gabe,” Castiel’s eyes went wide as he looked pass Dean.

“What the hell?” Dean turned.

“I love you little brother and I got a call a few weeks ago that a team was heading this way.  I have better intel than your lovely little minx.  I just had to get the upper hand and send out the belief that I was just some sort of lush,” Gabriel shoved the cuffed Ken into the room further.

“Gabriel what is going on here?” Castiel’s face clouded over with confusion.

“You’re not the only one that looks out for you.  I have a very huge claim on your life.  I cannot risk you getting killed.  I will say I’m shocked that the parents actually enlisted help from the government though it isn’t surprising,” Gabriel pushed Ken down to his knees beside Dean.

“You showing up here is not just for the holiday,” Castiel’s brows lifted.

“Nope,” Gabriel smirked, “I knew it was someone close and they had been here planted a few years ago.  The only problem that I am running into with this hateful creature is that he cannot contact his team.  They will be here no matter what.  He can’t call them off because he is no longer in control.”

“Our parents?  Years?” Castiel went over Ken and stared down at him, “I helped you get the job with Bobby.  I helped you get your house.  I do not understand.”

“Castiel,” Ken chuckled, “they knew that if they were going to take you out they would have to put in the time and money.  They know how paranoid you are.  They have your records.  You stick to small towns for a reason.  To infiltrate your life it had to be long term.  Those that were rescued with you were just casualties.  They knew you’d turn.  The others were easily brainwashed but you were too strong willed.  They couldn’t just take you out.”

“You are a poor excuse for a soldier.  Not only trying to kill a civilian but speaking of your country’s actions,” Dean spit on him.

“I’m dead either way.  They planned this so that my team would be unreachable so you’ll be dead right by me.”

“Do you think he is lying?” Dean asked.

“He’s telling the truth,” Castiel answered after he looked over Ken, “anyone that can keep a secret after being subjected to that type of torture has nothing else to say.”

Castiel walked to him and snapped his neck.  Ken’s body dropped to the floor lifeless.

Dean’s lips tightened as the white noise drifted in.  It had been years and the familiarity of the actions helped Dean do what he knew needed to be done.  He took a breath and went to his bathroom.  He yanked the shower curtain off the rod and placed it out by Ken’s body.  Gabriel helped him roll Ken onto it.  Castiel got the duct tape from under the sink and taped up the ends.  Dean poured peroxide on the splattered blood, let it sit for a moment then wiped it up. 

“We keep this quiet.  The others do not need to know.  Danna will be here in three hours.  She will most likely have a team with her or at least one other person.  I know her.”

“She called Chambers.  Chambers then called me,” Gabriel smirked.

“Chambers?” Castiel’s eyes lit with laughter, “she really is calling in the big guns.  We’ll need it probably.  They aren’t expecting Danna back until New Years so we may have a few days.”

“No,” Dean said as he washed his hands, “it’ll be Christmas Eve.  It’s the only time we’ll all be gathered together in one place.  If they can’t get Cas they’ll want to negotiate for his life.  What better place than where all of his friends and family will be gathered?”

“Dean’s right,” Gabriel nodded, “we’ll get it all figured out.  Now let’s move this body before the others are up and active.”

“I’ll get rid of it.  I have a place,” Castiel bent down and picked up Ken’s body and lifted it over his shoulder fireman style.

“I don’t think I want to know,” Dean shook his head as he double checked the room for more blood splatter.

“I have to go and get a few things organized.  Let him know that I’ll be back.  I’m hoping to be able to get into my parents heads so they realize how stupid they are.”

“I can’t believe your family would do this.”

“Black sheep.  I also believe that he may have witnessed something he should not have and it’s about to hit the fan.  The government is like that.  Cassy’s entire case file is über classified.  Not even my best nerds could get pass the fuckin’ codes,” Gabriel opened the door, “Dean you’re good for him.  Keep his ass alive.”

“That’s my plan.”

Gabriel left and Dean stood in the middle of the floor and let the night’s events roll through his mind.  Dean opened his safe and pulled out his extra ammunition and gun.  He went to his closet and pulled out the duffle bag he had shoved in the back and pulled out the holsters.  Dean laid the knife sheaths out for him and tried to decide the best way to get it together. 

Dean sat down at the table as he cleaned each weapon when Castiel returned that is where he found him.  Dean looked up at him and noticed he was dressed and his hair was damp.

“I showered and put a dummy in my bed just in case,” Castiel stated as he sat down with Dean.

“This is the second time you jumped to a conclusion without talking to me.  At least this time you didn’t run away.  Do you not trust me?  You say you love me but you can’t seem to think the best of me,” Dean stared at his gun as he cleaned it.

“Dean,” Castiel sighed, “I just do not . . . I am a man that has been used to being betrayed.  I have never fallen in love before.  I never wanted to be with someone like I do you.  When the threat popped up I immediately thought to protect you.  A year ago I would have just left town.  I would never put these people in danger, but I cannot make you run.  If I don’t know that you’re safe or by my side I lose my mind.”

“Then why did you think it would be me?” Dean put the gun back together and frowned up at Castiel.

“You were the obvious choice so I thought.  I would have never pegged them to go that long term.  To have decided so many years ago.  To think that my family is behind this sickens me.  I am unsure of so much in my life right now,” Castiel sat at the table with Dean, grabbed the whetstone and began to sharpen his blades.

“I just don’t get you sometimes.  It’s like you do a 180 every time something changes.  One minute you’re the best thing that’s happened to me and the next you’re thinkin’ of where to dispose my body.  I really want to just break it off with you to give myself some sanity but I’m so fuckin’ emotionally invested in you that it would break my heart.  I think after this whole thing blows over we may want to take some time,” Dean watched Castiel’s skilled hands.

“Yes.  I understand.  I am sorry that I have made it come to this.  This relationship with you is so new and I am so unaware of all the emotions that were going to tag along with the caring.  We should step back and reevaluate before we go forward,” Castiel nodded without looking up.

“I won’t stop caring for you,” Dean whispered.

“I will not stop caring for you either,” Castiel gave a little smile.

They both frozen as a knock sounded on the door.  They looked at each other and then back at the door.  Castiel took one of the knives and Dean picked up the gun.  Castiel dropped back into the kitchen and Dean stood to the opposite side of the door.

“Who is it?” Dean asked as he crouched.

“Artemis.”

Castiel flipped the blade and sighed.  He nodded and Dean pulled the door open.  Krissy walked in dressed like a tourist.

“Chambers,” Castiel smiled and embraced her, “long time.”

“Wish it was under better circumstances.”

“Tokyo wasn’t much better,” Castiel laughed.

“The drugs were better,” Krissy smirked.

“Yes they were.  Dean this is Krissy Chambers.  Krissy this is Dean.”

“Sergeant Major Winchester,” Krissy fell back in stance and saluted him.

“At ease,” Dean automatically returned the salute, “how do you know me?”

“I know of you.  You may not know it but you went down in history for your long distance kills.  Everyone knows about you.  I did one tour and didn’t sign back up but I heard your legends.  When you got arrested there were protests.  You may not know because it was kept from you.  You responded like any of the rest of us would have.  You have my condolences for your lost.  With you in this it should be very interesting to say the least.  Kincaid didn’t tell me it was Winchester you were shackin’ up with,” Krissy spoke as she looked around the room.

“He’s talked about?”

“Yeah you wouldn’t know.  His files are blacked out just like yours.  Both you guys are ghost.  Those after you are in for a big surprise.  Gabriel says that we’re thinking Christmas Eve.”

“Yeah.  It’s what we would all do.”

“Neh, I’d do Christmas day but I’m just an asshole like that,” Krissy took down her brunette hair and raked her fingers through it then braided it back, “I have to get out of these ugly ass clothes.  Where’s Kincaid’s room?” she checked her phone.

“Upstairs.”

“Good.  I need a change of clothes.  I have my supplies in the room that’s in the subbasement.  I’m gonna shower and get descent.  Go on like everything is normal.  There is no one here tonight.  My team checked in and there is no one in this town but us. Sleep.  You’re gonna need it.”

“Here’s a key to her place,” Castiel grabbed his keys and took it off the ring.

“It’s good to see you haven’t dropped all your marbles yet.  You’ve got great taste in men,” Krissy winked as she took the key.

“Thank you,” Castiel blushed.

“Winchester.  Don’t let this shy, emotionally unavailable attitude fool get to you.  He’s worth it even if he doesn’t see it yet.  When we make it out of this you two should take a vacation and hump like bunnies,” Krissy left without a look back.

“So,” Dean looked at the floor then risked a look at Castiel.

“I’ll need to borrow a pair of pajamas.”

Dean got in bed and waited for Castiel before he turned off the light.  They both lay on their backs hands folded over their chests.  Ten minutes passed and Dean sighed then rolled over to face Castiel.

“I’m gonna have to cuddle so I can sleep.”

“Thank the gods me too,” Castiel’s eyes lit up as he turned to his side, “I’m sorry.”

“I accept.”

*****

Krissy had blended in as Gabriel’s actual long term partner easily.  Everyone remained hushed on the events of Gabriel promiscuity.  They played the cute couple in competition with Castiel and Dean.  Danna had returned without anyone else’s notice.  She remained out of sight or in disguise if she had to move about.  Bobby had found Ken’s resignation letter the next morning and had thrown a fit that he had not gotten more notice.  Dean just smiled and kept up his routine as much as he could.  Castiel did not struggle with the lies and pretense.  If Dean had not known there was something up Castiel would have fooled him as well. 

“I have to get these pies done,” Dean groaned on the afternoon of the 23rd.

“Would you like some help?” Castiel asked as he counted the weapons and made sure they were ready for use.

“No.  I can’t risk your amateur hands in my pies,” Dean teased and his used the wooden spoon to fold the ingredients together.

“I think I do pretty well.”

“You do but I don’t want to have to share my family recipe with you.”

“I can understand.  Once we’re married and have kids of our own you’ll have to share it so we can pass it on to the next generation,” Castiel commented absently.

“We’ll have cooking every Sunday afternoon right before martial arts.”

“Hm.  Martial arts first that way they have their heart rates up to turn any food into energy and muscle and not fat.  Plus they’ll be lazy after eating,” Castiel moved to the knives.

“Yeah but if they do martial arts first they may be too tired to cook.  And cooking first will allow them time for everything to cook and be ready to eat by time they finish with you,” Dean turned on the oven to preheat.

“We’ll figure it out.  See which one works better.  How many are we adopting?” Castiel stood still and stared at the weapons collection without seeing it.

“Two boys and a girl.  We adopt the older kids together since it’s harder for them to get adopted and they never have to grow up alone,” Dean shrugged as he poured the filling into the crust.

“Why just one girl?  Why not two of each?”

“I dunno.  I have always just imagine two boys and a girl.”

“Interesting,” Castiel went back to the weapons.

“It doesn’t scare you that we’re talking about raising children?” Dean asked as he put the first pies in the oven.

“No.  I want a future with you and children would be great.”

“Good.  We’re so up and down.  One night we’re upset and two days later we’re discussing adopting children together.  We’re gonna lose our minds,” Dean shook his head.

“I think we have the weapons we’ll need.  I still do not like the idea of not telling the towns people.  These are our friends that we are risking.  If anyone gets hurt I do not know how I will react,” Castiel changed the subject not wanting to be put in a bad mood.

“My therapist always told me to take control but do not be overbearing.  I think that applies to you too.  I replaced all the windows with bullet proof glass after they accidently got destroyed as I was teaching softball inside.  There’re weapons stashed everywhere in the hall and we all have vests to wear under our clothes.  I made sure that the new benches that were moved in contained enough gas masks for everyone if they are needed as well as a few assault rifles.  We have this covered.  I won’t let anything happen to you,” Dean put an arm around his shoulders.

“Vests do not stop head shots.”

“You’re right they don’t.  Please do not panic.  You, Krissy and Danna planned this with me.  There’s no way that they will get us today or tomorrow.”

“I guess.  I have never worried before but I don’t want to lose you,” Castiel turned to face Dean.

“I don’t wanna lose you either.  Clean up in there and I’ll get dinner goin’ after I get Ellen’s pie put together,” Dean pulled him in and kissed him.

“We should have sex before this.  Just in case,” Castiel offered while he began to clear off the bed.

“No,” Dean chuckled as he went back to the chopping board.

“Alright.”

“I mean it.  We’ve waited longer than I normally would and I’m not gonna screw you just because you think one of us might die,” Dean said as he chopped the rest of the apples.

“I did say alright,” Castiel bit back his smile, “it seems that you were also thinking about it.”

“No.  I was just thinkin’ about stuff and stuff,” Dean shrugged.

“Yes of course that ever so important stuff,” Castiel folded away the rest of the weapons, “I’m going to open the window to let some of the smell out.  I cannot sleep in here with it smelling like dessert.

“We’re not staying in here.  We’ll be sleeping downstairs remember?  I just have to finish the pies, we’ll eat dinner then we’ll grab our bags and sleep on the cots with Danna.  Danna has set up cameras in our rooms and motion detectors.  If anyone comes in our rooms tonight it will set off the alarm on her laptop.”

“Right.  I guess I am just thinking of tomorrow too much.”

“Tomorrow is a day away.  We’ll be fine.”

“Yes of course,” Castiel smiled as he watched Dean finished putting he pie together, “we’ll be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't put it off posting once I got it back. Don't tell the nurses I have my laptop. Luckily my bestbian snuck it in w/o anyone noticing. This chapter is up yay! She will be working with my beta to get the next two chapters posted for you guys.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, commenting, kudos, the milk someone brought over to go with the cookies and just being awesome!
> 
> I have set my queue up on my tumblr for while I am away. I am looking for fic recs to add to it so feel free to message me some. I can do that from my phone after lights out tonight.
> 
> One last thing, b/c you guys have been awesome and this story is officially finished as far as writing I'll be posting my first chapter to my semi-domestic deancas fic.


	18. Shoot 'Em Up Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for violence but not anything out of canon.

Dean pulled on his jacket and grabbed the pies.  Castiel lifted the tray of breads he had made and they headed to the dining hall.  Dean’s eyes roamed the room and checked all the corners.  They hugged and kissed their friends as they gathered.  Castiel scanned the room, windows and doors as they sat down to eat.  Dean rested a hand on his thigh and smiled reassuringly at him.

Gabriel made it a point to be jovial and make sure everyone was in a good mood.  He at one point stood up on his chair and sang ‘Frosty the Snowman’ at the top of his lungs.  Dean had to admit that he had a beautiful voice and he appreciated the distraction. 

Everyone had finished a few plates of food and had started on dessert when the lights flickered.  Dean’s eye caught Castiel’s then Krissy’s and finally Gabriel’s.  Krissy shook her head and ate another forkful of pie.  Castiel was stiff beside him even though his face showed nothing but ease and happiness.  Castiel leaned against Dean as he finished his cherry cobbler.  The lights flickered again.

“Damn storm must be comin’,” Bobby looked up to the lights.

“Hey I redid the wiring myself.  Something must be chewing on the wires or something.  I’ll go check it out,” Dean wiped his face and stood.

Castiel sat up and stared at Dean.  Castiel glanced at Gabriel and he nodded.  Castiel sighed.

“You want me to come with you?”

“I’m not scared of the dark any more.  I’ll be right back,” Dean kissed his forehead and left from the dining hall.

Dean walked casually until he was sure he was out of sight.  He jogged to the bar and slipped in.  Danna was in black from head to toe behind the bar.

“They are in town.  They are near the General Store.  There’s another team that has breached the hotel.  They started in your rooms.  We don’t have much time.”

As if planned the lights went out.

“Fuck.”

Dean did not see Danna draw but heard the muted sound of gun fire by his ear as the compressed weapon went off.  Dean instinctively dropped and drew his weapon from his back under his blazer.  He aimed but the body was already on the floor.  

“Cas,” Dean was on his feet.

Danna was on his right as they moved slowly from the bar.  They scanned the hallway and lobby before they moved swiftly and silently across the floor.  Danna knelt on the other side of the elevators.  She sent a message out over the two-way, flipped her ear communicator back on then they moved to the doors of the dining hall.  Dean had left them open and they were closed as they approached.  Danna pointed down the hall to the left and Dean took up watch that way while she watched right and made her call.

“I need eyes inside,” she whispered, “we’re outside the doors.  How many do we have inside?”

“Seven inside,” a voice called back in the com in her ear, “three snipers,” the sound of the muted rifle echoed, “two snipers.  I’m on the next.”

“Is there positioning available?”

“Two at nine o’clock from your position, two at twelve, one at two, one at four and one at six.”

“Shit.  They could open fire and kill everyone.”

“One sniper,” the first guy stated.

“Artemis is going to switch into our channel,” a new voice sounded.

“Is she crazy,” Danna hissed.

Danna gritted her teeth as the static sounded and foreign voices flooded her ear.

“I will repeat this one time.  Come with us now and your friends won’t be hurt.”

“Castiel isn’t goin’ anywhere with you jackasses,” Joanna’s voice spat out.

“You’ll be the first one to go.”

“I will come with you.  You will release them all before I go with you.  I have to make sure they’re safe before I trust you,” Castiel stated calmly.

“Cas,” Dean shook his head but did not move from his spot.

“Admiral Novak we don’t have time to play games.  Admiral if you would just come with us.”

“Who’s got the 50 cal?” Danna asked over her other communicator.

“Hermes does.”

“Hermes.  Two shots will shatter the glass.  The third will demolish it.”

“That’s a hefty risk ma’am.”

“No it isn’t.  It’s a distraction.  They don’t know its bullet resistant glass.  I want Hera to take a regular shot.  I’m sure their snipers are gone because Hades is a good man.  They will think it’s their guys.  Two shots Hera.  Then four breaths and Hermes I want you to take the shots.  Their eyes will be on the windows and I can get in.”

“Risky.”

“Not as risky as pissing off a black woman with an assortment of skills and weapons.”

“Alright.”

“Radio silence begins now.  Hera three breaths and go.”

Danna repositioned herself and grabbed the handle of the door.  She hear the plink of the sniper rifle’s bullets from Hera.  She turned the knob as the commotion inside began.  She knew that Castiel, Gabriel and Krissy had heard the plan.  They had everyone shuffled and covered by time Hera’s second shot hit.  Danna opened the door and slunk inside with Dean on her heels.  Hermes hit his mark and the assailants dropped and focused on the windows.  The first shot made a small indenture, the second splintered the window and the third hit the floor as the window exploded.  Chaos erupted.  The assailants opened fire on the windows.  Danna approached the man closest to her as Dean moved to his friends.  Danna snapped his neck and moved to the next.

Dean corralled everyone to the back entrance of the room.  Dean realized that there was limited panic and each face looked too calm and collected to be in the middle of a fire battle.  Castiel had moved into action and took out two of the guys.  The other four finally realized that there was something wrong.  What Dean had not expected was Bobby to pull a gun and get a perfect head shot on one of the guys.  Nor did he expect Charlie to have a gun aimed at another.

When all the men had been killed Danna sent her team to scour every part of town with help of Krissy’s people.  Ellen and Joanna ushered everyone to another room that Dean had not known existed.  There were no windows and only one visible door.  The twenty people fit comfortably.

“Uh so what the hell was that back there master shot Singer?” Dean asked Bobby with wide eyes.

“I guess the gig is up,” Ellen chuckled.

“Boy you think we don’t know who Cas is?  This isn’t the first town he’s been in.  We look out for him.  We just seem like small town folks. Cas may not have told you but he worked for a shit ton of people.  Some good some bad.  We’re a network of people that he helped.  So we help him.”

“It wasn’t a coincidence that I ended up here?” Castiel took in Bobby with new eyes.

“Hell no.  We guided you to towns that we control.  You weren’t a monster.  Yes you killed but you also saved lives.  I know I can’t say countries but before you were captured I had a brother over there.  You took out enough people that you got him home safe.  Yeah he’s gone now.  Stupid drunk driver took him out but you brought him home on a plane instead of a body bag,” Bobby pulled Castiel into a hug.

“Holy shit.  So you guys knew the entire time and said nothing,” Dean ran a hand through his hair.

Castiel got switched from person to person to share their love with him.  Castiel was not sure how to respond.

“Yeah but we didn’t think they’d come for him.  We got the intelligence too late to know about Ken.  Once he didn’t show up at Bobby’s and we got the information we knew,” Charlie replied as she smirked, “we’re not some podunk little back water town that people think we are.  Yeah we’re small but we’re feisty.”

“Well shit.”

“There’s more coming.  A team of ten.  Castiel I think we may have to move you underground,” Joanna said as she looked at something on her phone.

“They won’t make it in.  Krissy is out there with her team on one side and Danna on the other,” Gabriel replied.

“I will not run.  I am honestly tired of running.  There’s only one way out of this.  Capture two of them alive,” Castiel responded through clinched his teeth.

“Castiel,” Dean took his hand into his, “I have a feelin’ that I don’t wanna know what’s on your mind but don’t do anything that you’ll never forgive yourself of.”

“There is one thing that I know will take time for you to understand about me, I do not regret.  There is reason behind _all_ my decisions.  Remember my moral compass does not always point north like yours. I sometimes have to do things that will make you uncomfortable but I will never regret my actions.  I will not tell you or show you because it will make you distressed.  I do not expect you to understand.  I appreciate your caring and I am overwhelmed by everyone’s love.  I will do what I have to do,” Castiel lifted Dean’s hand and kissed it.

“I’ve seen that look.”

“What look?”

“The one I had when I woke up in the police station.  The look I caught in the reflection of a car window when I first saw the man that killed my brother.  The quiet before the storm.  I will help anyway I can,” Dean squeezed his hand and smiled.

“Dean,” Danna voice came over the communicator.

“Yeah?” Dean pointed to his ear.

“Tell Bobby I’m sorry about the shop’s bay doors.”

“Why do I have tell Bobby?” Dean’s eyes went wide.

“Tell me what?” Bobby looked at him with narrowed eyes.

“I love you,” Danna laughed then it was silent again.

“Uh,” Dean turned to Bobby, “well,” he scratched his neck, “Danna says sorry about the bay doors.”

“Balls!” Bobby threw his hat on the ground, “I just had the new ones put in.”

“Sorry,” Dean winced.

“Well dinner was great,” Julie chuckled.

“Probably the most exciting in awhile,” Hayden nodded.

“Too say the least,” Julie chuckled.

They doubled checked everyone to make sure there were no serious injuries.  Ellen pulled out a first aid kit from the shelf and Joanna handed out water.

“Danna will give us the all clear once everything had been taken care of,” Castiel nodded as he let his mind make plans.

“Castiel do you need any help?” Ellen asked.

“If I can use the room that’s beside the one I train in that would be great.”

“I’ll have it unlocked for ya,” Ellen nodded in understanding.

“Thank you all for everything.  I had no clue that people knew about my past.  I am no good at this type of thing but I want you to know that I appreciate you all.  It explains why you never seemed frightened by things that I did or said.  It speaks volumes when you’re calm in a situation that we were put in like today.  I can never repay your kindness,” Castiel smiled.

“You saved lots of our people.  It was the least we could do.”

“Am I welcome to stay?” Castiel had settled his face in to a neutral blankness.

“Of course.  We would expect nothing less.”

“Thank you.”

Castiel for the first time in a decade felt he may have a place to call home.

****

There was a sprawling estate in Areal, Ca that was gorgeous.  Acres of lush green grass, a stable, a pool, a mansion, a private lake and a carport the size of an apartment complex filled with wonderful priceless vehicles.  It all sat behind large gates with NOVAK in a delicate calligraphy across the front.  The delivery van pulled up and hit the call button on the intercom.

“Delivery.”

“Come on up.”

The drive to the main house was about half a mile and surrounded by beautiful gardens.  The driver opened the back of the truck and loaded four boxes onto the cart and tucked the envelope under his arm.  He wheeled them up to the door and knocked.  A tall man with jet black hair and blue eyes answered.  He signed for the packages.  The delivery man wheeled them into the living room handed him the small envelop and left.

“Honey they are address to us.  Did you do some shopping without telling me?” the man grabbed a letter opener from the desk in his study and returned to the boxes.

“No dear,” a woman with light brown hair entered from the kitchen.

“They’re cooler boxes,” he said once he had inspected the box.

The man placed the top one on the couch and opened it.  He cut the seal off the inner box and opened it.  He jumped back with a yelp. His wife looked inside and screamed.  The eyeless head stared at the ceiling.

“What the hell?”

“Dad what’s going on?” a man in his mid thirties with dark brown hair and hazel eyes ran into the room.

He looked into the box and immediately vomited on the carpet.  The father opened another box and it was more of the same, body parts.  His jaw clinched and he opened the envelope.  It was a DVD.  He walked pass his son as he comforted his mother.  He put the DVD in and turned the television on.

The images flooded the screen and the screams were the first sounds.  The man’s screams made the hair on father’s neck stand on end but he said nothing.  As the hacksaw sliced through the man’s arm father looked away.  He took a deep breath and looked again.  When he looked back up the bile rose as the man in the video switched positions.  He had never seen a person slowly beheaded and he knew he never wanted to see that again.  The camera was lifted and spun around.

“Mother.  Father.  Try again and this will be one or both of you,” Castiel’s bloodied face was only there slightly blurred for a moment.

The screen went blank but the sound of a woman’s scream filled the last thirty seconds before the DVD stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your love! We're winding it down to the end. This was kind of an action packed chapter, I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> As always feel free to show some love and/or leave some feedback. Your attention makes me happy!


	19. New Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They come back together, Danna strikes again and they finally make the magic happen.

Dean looked at himself in the mirror as he turned to check out each angle.  He felt confident in the Dockers and button down.  He pulled on his sweater then his coat.  Dean grabbed the bag and his keys.  He waved at everyone as he made his way through the lobby.  Everyone gave him a thumbs up and he blushed.  Dean got in the car that he had borrowed from Bobby.  He arrived in Dorchester quicker than he had planned and worried that he may have too much time on his hands.  Then he spotted Castiel’s car and laughed.

“I think you have already seated  Mr. Novak,” Dean advised the hostess before she could speak.

“Yes we have.  Right this way.”

Dean followed her through the main floor back to the private tables.  He had not known that Castiel had gone all out.  She slid the door open and gestured for him to enter.  She closed it behind him.

“Dean,” Castiel stood and kissed him before he thought about it.

“This place is amazing,” Dean sat the bag on the empty chair and took the one across from Castiel.

“I figured we should have some privacy since I am not sure how this conversation is going to go.  You will love the food here,” Castiel handed him a menu.

“I’m sure I will.  Why don’t you order for me?” Dean put the menu down too nervous to think straight.

“As you wish.”

When the waiter returned Castiel order for them both.  Dean waited until the starters were in front of them before they started the conversation.  He took a sip of the water and cleared his throat.

“So,” Dean’s voice cracked, “sorry,” he cleared his throat again, “it’s been a month.  We agreed we’d spend the month just as friends, no affection and no overnights then we would come back and discuss it.  So here we are.”

“Yes,” Castiel smiled knowingly, “I am ready to reevaluate our relationship.  I have done much thinking and talking with someone that I am ready to move forward.  I have trust issues and I have worked on them and will continue to do so.  I have to be honest with you about how I feel and what I am thinking at all times.  I am in this with all of my heart because I cannot imagine what it would be like to not be able to fall asleep next to you every night.  That was the hardest thing for me these last few weeks.  I did not sleep well.”

“Cas,” Dean put his fork down and took Castiel’s hand, “you do have to trust me.  You can’t be so suspicious of me and expect the worst from me.  I have also done a little soul searching and I know that I’m not better so I will start seeing a therapist again.  I have anger issues that you don’t see a lot but it is there.  I will work on being who you need me to be to make it through this.  I want to be a better person for us.  We can still move at your pace.  I am not gonna rush anything.  We can start dating again when you’re ready.  I do have something for you.  Since it would be our anniversary I figured it was okay,” Dean handed Castiel the bag, “it took awhile to figure out what to get you but I finally figured it out,” he smiled proudly.

“Oh Dean thank you,” Castiel took the bag and sifted through the tissue paper.

Castiel’s brow creased and Dean’s leg began to bounce.  Castiel looked in the bag, up at Dean, back to the bag and then at Dean again.  He blushed deeply.

“I guess it was a good thing I got the private room.  Um,” Castiel breathily replied, “thank you.”

Dean stared at Castiel as he rummaged through the bag and his blush deepened.  Dean knew then that something was off.  He grabbed the bag from Castiel and stuck his hand in. As soon as his fingers encountered material he knew it was wrong.  There was no box in the bag.  He pulled out a fistful of the soft material.  His eyes widened and he dropped them back in the bag and looked to Castiel.

“Danna,” Castiel nodded at the horrified expression on Dean’s fast as he took in the assortment of panties, stockings and garter belts.

“Cas I am so sorry.  I should have checked the bag before I left.  I really did get you something.”

“It’s fine Dean,” Castiel chuckled, “Danna is very good.  Well either way I have something for you too.”

Castiel pulled his coat from the back of the chair and dug into the inside pocket.  Dean’s eyes got big as he handed him the palm size box.  Dean’s hand shook as he took it.  Castiel grinned as Dean unwrapped the box slowly.

“Happy birthday Dean,” Castiel bit his lip to hold the giggles at bay as his excitement bubbled up.

“How did you even, ya know what, never mind,” Dean exhaled slowly when it wasn’t a little velvet box, “keys.”

“Come on,” Castiel pulled on his coat.

Dean grabbed his coat and followed Castiel to the parking lot.  Dean realized there was a clicker on the key chain once he took it out of the box.  He hit the button and lights flashed on the other side of Castiel’s jeep.  Dean’s eyes grew wide and he jogged over to see.

“Holy shit,” Dean’s mouth dropped, “you made me rebuild my own car.  You sneaky bastard.  I can’t though.  This was an expensive vehicle.  Remember I did the work on it.  I can’t accept it.”

“Well you have to.  It’s already registered in your name.  I wanted you to fall in love with this car like I was falling for you.  Bobby told me about you eyeing it and I could not resist.  He also told me how you cursed the old retired bastard that was paying for the work,” Castiel teased.

“Thank you so much my old bastard,” Dean threw his arms around Castiel.

They stood in the embrace for a few minutes then went back inside.  Their food sat on the table when they got back.

“Where’s Bobby’s car?” Dean asked as he put his coat on the back of his chair.

“Who do you think drove the Camaro up here?  He needed a way to get back.”

“You two sneaky little twerps.  I’ll have your real present for you when we get back.”

“Of course.  I have booked us a room for tonight and tomorrow.  We do not have to go back tonight.  Maybe,” Castiel looked to his plate, “we could still use the gifts that are here.”

Dean’s fork clattered to the plate and he began to cough.  He gulped down the water and his eyes stayed on Castiel’s flushed face.

“Okay.”

 

Dean gasped as the soft panties rubbed against his erection.  Castiel kissed and nibbled his neck as he moved against him.  Legs tangled, hands roamed and kisses were shared.  Castiel pushed Dean back a little and looked into his eyes.

“Emu,” Castiel gave him a chaste kiss, “can we,” his eyes fluttered as Dean moved his thigh higher, “please.  I want to feel you inside of me.”

“Yes.”

Dean pressed kisses to his face and finally settled on his lips.  Dean took his time once they were both nude.  He had his fingers pressed into Castiel as he licked and sucked his growing erection.  Castiel bucked and whimpered as Dean patiently prepared him.  Castiel was eager but knew that Dean would not move forward until he was sure that he had been stretched enough.

“If you keep that up I’m gonna come before ya in me,” Castiel barely managed breathlessly.

“That’s okay.”

Dean went all the way down on Castiel and flicked his tongue out to tease along his base.  Castiel mewed as he thrust up into Dean’s mouth.  His fist balled into the sheets as the heat began to spiral.  He was on the edge and Dean pulled off.  Castiel whimpered and once his awareness settled he shot Dean a dirty look.

“If I hold you off a few times you’ll appreciate it a lot more,” Dean winked at him.

It went on that way for several more minutes to Castiel’s dismay.  He was a shuttering, whiney, mewing, whimpering mess by time Dean sat back and rolled on a condom.  When Dean finally pressed into Castiel he sighed and clung to Dean.  Dean had done a great job and the pain was minimal almost nonexistent.  Dean moaned as he buried himself deeply into Castiel.  A slew of curse words flittered passed his lips once he was all the way in.  He kissed and whispered softly in Castiel’s ear as he began to move.

“It’s been too long,” Dean hissed, “I’m not gonna last.”

“’S fine.  Good.  This is very good.”

Dean  began to move quicker in and out of Castiel.  The room filled with their joined voices in a chorus of pleasure and endearments.  Dean grunted as he got close.  He reached in between their stomachs and began to stroke Castiel.  It did not take long for Castiel to fall into the throes of climax.  He was silent except for tiny huffs and puffs that escaped as he thrashed about under Dean.  Dean grinned down at him as he continued to shake under him.  Dean moaned as Castiel tightened around him the hardest and he fell forward onto Castiel as his own orgasm hit.

“Fuck that was good,” Dean rolled to his side after he pulled slowly out.

“I’m sticky.”

“That tends to happen,” Dean chuckled.

“I am aware,” Castiel rolled over and grabbed a small bag from the nightstand.

Castiel pulled a package of wet ones from the bag and wiped himself clean.  Dean could not help the laugh that burst from him.

“Don’t ever change,” Dean pulled Castiel into his arms once they were both clean.

“Only for the better,” Castiel mumbled sleepily.

****

“Dean please,” Castiel shivered as Dean took him into his mouth.

“Mmm,” Dean grinned around Castiel’s girth as he pushed his fingers into him.

“Too close.”

Dean swallowed as Castiel gasped and released into his mouth.  Dean used his free hand and jerked himself to completion.  Castiel fell back on the bed and took a few deep breaths. 

 

“This is the best morning ever.  I am okay at having been woken up so early,” Castiel sighed.

“Sorry I was feelin’ it when I got up.  Your diet makes you taste wonderful,” Dean responded as he cleaned up.

“Definitely do not say that again.  I feel flustered when you say that.”

“What?  When I tell you how good you taste?  When I say I couldn’t wait to get up and get my lips around you again.  To be able to taste you and feel you in my mouth.  I have craved to have you in my mouth for months,” Dean kissed up Castiel’s chest to his neck, “you feel so good when you’re throbbing on my tongue.”

“Dean,” Castiel reached for him.

“Cas I waited so long.  I couldn’t push you.  This has been better than I expected,” Dean kissed his neck.

“I am proud of what we are together.  I should have gotten to it a lot sooner,” Castiel smiled, “I’ve never  felt so at peace and satisfied.”

“Good.  I’ve also ordered breakfast.  We have time to grab a quick shower.”

“Yes,” Castiel pulled Dean up and kissed him, “thank you Dean.  Thank you for your patience and caring.”

“I love you too,” Dean kissed him and then sat up.

They chose to shower together and explore each other before they washed.  They dressed and were ready right when room service knocked.

“This has been a great date.  I am open for this going forward.  I am ready and willing to be everything that you need,” Castiel looked up through his lashes as Dean while he ate.

“No more lies.  No more running away.  No more hiding.  I believe Charlie has gotten rid of a lot of information about you.  Danna and Krissy cleaned up with their crew and Gabriel disappeared with any incriminating evidence.  We have nothing but the future ahead of us and I want to share it with you and no one else.  I even asked Pam to come out so that you can meet her.  I’m layin’ it all on the line and not takin’ nothing back,” Dean gazed into Castiel’s eyes not sure what he would get in return.

“I look forward to meeting her.  I too am putting it all there.  I have reconnected with people I have helped in the past.  I am opening up to help and let them in.  Those that were rescued with me that have not been taken out are heading here as well.  I have put out the notice that they are protected by someone and off limits.  I believe that my parents have come to an understanding and have advised against whatever it was that the military was planning.  I’m not even sure what the operation they think that I know about is but it has been handled,” Castiel sat his plate down and picked up his cup of tea.

“Good.  What,” Dean took a breath, “what happened in the basement?  Why are your parents backin’ off?”

“Dean.  We agreed that you were uncomfortable,” Castile blew his tea then took a sip.

“I need to know.”

“As you wish,” Castiel made sure he had Dean’s eyes on him, “I dismembered the two operatives and sent their body parts to my parents.  I filmed it and left a message for them to fall back or else.”

“Alrighty then,” Dean cleared his throat and finished his breakfast.

“You think that we are ready?” Castiel looked at Dean shyly as he handed him his now empty tea cup and he put the dishes back on the cart.

“Yes.  I wouldn’t be here if we weren’t,” Dean pulled Castiel to him and hugged him right.

“Great,” Castiel sighed against his neck, “when do I get to penetrate you?”

Dean’s mouth went dry and squeezed Castiel a little too hard at the thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! This means there's just one more chapter to go!! Hold on tight we're coming to the end!
> 
> Thank you so much for taking the time to read, leave kudos and comment!


	20. Snazzy Ending Title for Final Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. It gets all wrapped up.

Castiel pulled out of Dean and crawled over him and grabbed his phone.  He moved quickly before Dean relaxed too much after his orgasm.  Castiel kissed Dean a little then pulled up the camera app on his phone.

“What are you doin’?” Dean smirked.

“Taking a picture.  Keep still,” Castiel tongue stuck out a little as he got the camera to focus.

Castiel snapped a few pictures then typed away.  Dean was too tired to do more than lift an eyebrow. Castiel put his phone away and crawled back in bed with Dean.

“We’ve spent an extra day here.  We have to get home today.”

“Mm hmm,” Dean cuddled closer to Castiel, “what were you doin’ with the pictures?”

“I sent them to Danna.  I made a promise,” Castiel answered as he ran his fingers through Dean’s damp hair.

“Oh you sent them to Danna,” Dean mumbled.

“Yes.”

Dean rested tucked against Castiel.  It took a moment before he jerked up into a seated position.

“You sent them to Danna?” Dean exclaimed.

“Yes.  She inquired about your after orgasm look and the size of your penis.  I lost a round of sparing so I had to send her photographic evidence.”

“Jesus Christ Cas!  You can’t just send nude pictures of me to people,” Dean ran his hand over his face, “dammit.  Now she knows my bliss face and dude that ain’t cool.”

“I apologize I did not think it was a big deal.  You are very close friends with her and I was sure that you shared those type of pictures before.  I will tell her to delete them if it makes you feel better,” Castiel reached for the phone.

“It’s too late.  There’s no need.  That just means she will have to do something in return,” Dean flopped back down on the bed.

“Ten minutes then we have to get up and shower,” Castiel pulled Dean into his arms.

“Mm hm.”

“I have one more thing for you.  I, um, wanted to wait,” Castiel got up and went to his suitcase, “it took me some time to think about how to give it to you,” he took a deep breath and handed the box to Dean.

“Ooh,” Dean smiled and pulled the ribbon off the box, “Cas what . . .?” he flipped open the first folded piece of paper.

“They’re the letters that Sam wrote to me.  I kept them all,” Castiel answered nervously, “I wanted you to have them.  So you can see how he viewed you and everything we talked about.  I think they are as important to you as they are me.”

“Cas,” Dean read over a few of them, “I remember this day.  He jumped off the roof.  He got hurt and I had to ride him on my bike all the way to the hospital. I had to tell him,” he swallowed.

“Batman can’t fly,” they said in unison.

“I can’t believe he told you that story.  This means so much,” Dean folded the letters and put them in the box and went to Castiel, “thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They stood for a few minutes then finished packing and got ready to leave.  Dean looked over at the box as he drove home in the Camaro.  He glanced in his rearview and saw Castiel behind him in his jeep.  Dean smiled and could not think of a better partner.

****

Dean loaded the machine for the dishes and made sure everything that needed to be washed by hand had been taken care off.  He doubled checked to make sure all his duties had been completed before he clocked out.

“Alright I’m outta here.  Anyone know where Danna is today?” Dean said as he slung his bag over his shoulder.

“She should be just getting back in town,” Stephanie replied as she wiped down the counter, “she’s probably in her rooms.”

“Thanks Steph.”

Dean walked back to the Roadhouse and went to Danna’s room.  He decided to knock and not use the key he had.

“Come in it is unlocked.”

Dean entered the room and immediately felt off.  He closed the door slowly and paused.  Danna smiled at him as she sauntered up to him.  Dean did not trust the smirk.  He took a step back and remembered he had closed the door.

“Hey there handsome,” Danna pushed him against the door and kissed him.

Dean froze then kissed back before he remembered himself.  He went to push her off but she blocked him in and deepened the kiss.  Dean felt light head and the kiss was not so bad.  Danna caressed his face as she eased up on the pressure and peppered his lips with kisses.  His eyes fluttered open and his lips were still puckered.  A slow smiled crept across his face.  Danna walked back to her kitchen.

“That was longer than we agreed,” Castiel said from the dinette.

“Cas,” Dean pushed off the door.

“It’s okay Dean.  I gave her permission.”

“That’s good.  That was good.  Wow.  You are a good kisser,” Dean replied still slightly dazed as he sat down and placed his bag on the floor.

“Where’d you think Cas learned it?” Danna handed him an alcohol free beer she kept for him.

“You taught him how to kiss?” Dean’s eyes went wide as he opened the beer.

“Yes.  He was tongue slapper,” Danna made a face, “it was like fighting for dominance.  He had to be trained.  When you have only platonic feelings for someone it’s easy to kiss them.  Castiel and I are just friends and co-workers.  Teaching him to dance and kiss was fun.”

“Well thank you,” Dean chuckled and took a sip of his beer, “how did you get permission to kiss me?”

“We kinda made a bet and I wanted to see if you were still as good as the first time.  Obviously you still only have feelings for Castiel because little Dean didn’t even wave at me.  Though I do know it is a nice package.  I told him it was thick and delicious.  I hope his blowjobs are good.  I had many a cucumber that went pass those lips.”

“Danna,” Castiel warned.

“Wow you taught him a lot,” Dean ran a hand through his hair.

“I critiqued.  So I am to apologize about the panties and garter belts.  Though I thought the steel bag liner to add weight and shape was genius. But I hear that you enjoyed the gifts none-the-less,” Danna smirked as she went to her closet.

Dean cleared his throat and took a sip of beer.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Danna chuckled, “here’s the gift he meant for you Castiel.”

Danna handed him the wrapped package.  Dean smiled as Castiel’s eyes lit up.  Castiel unwrapped it slowly.  The cedar box was stained mahogany.  Castiel opened it and his jaw dropped.  Danna walked around to see.  She grinned and nodded.

“The knives are beautiful.  And the compass pocket watch combo is fantastic,” Castiel slowly pulled each piece out and examined it.

“I created the design for the hilt on each knife and I made sure they were weighted for proper throwing just in case.  The watch/compass was a bonus when I found it.  It’s very you,” Dean smiled as Castiel flipped it over and saw the engraving.

“’Time is irrelevant & we’ll find our way together’,” Castiel read aloud.

“Dammit.  You're gonna make me cry,” Danna chewed her lip as her eyes watered.

“Dean this is wonderful.  Thank you so much,” Castiel moved around the table and hugged Dean then kissed him softly.

“You two are so fuckin’ adorable,” Danna sobbed.

“You need to stop,” Dean cleared his throat and blinked hard, “so, uh, how’d the house move go?”

“Good,” Danna wiped her eyes, “just so you know the secret sex room that I had mentioned wasn’t real.  It was actually where I kept all my gear.  They had wrecked my place but never found it.  I moved it all to my new place.  Which you’re all invited to next week for my house warming.”

“You stay in the hotel for Cas?” Dean sipped his beer.

“Yup.  I can’t be too far.  Now that he has you I can take more trips than just around the holidays.  Plus I got a raise to make sure that Castiel isn’t attacked again.  I get paid to do the opposite of what they originally hired me for.”

“That’s amazing.  Remember when we had that talk way back when and you said I could trust Cas, did you know or expect what would happen if things got heated like they did?” Dean tried not to look at Castiel.

“To be frank I thought you had changed everything.  He was different after you came.  I also did not expect you have an anger issue though or for assassins to pop up.  There were things out of the ordinary.  I still stand by that conversation.  He over reacted but he caught himself in time with a little push.  I’m sorry that things happened but hey shit happens that’s why they make toilet paper,” Danna replied.

“I am sitting right here.”

“Yes you are babe,” Dean took his hand into his.

“Sooo,” Danna grinned, “how amazing is he sex?”

“Uh,” Dean blushed.

“Amazing.  Dean is very skilled.  Especially when he is giving me oral sex and has his fingers in me,” Castiel smiled proudly.

“Cas!” Dean felt the heat in face and his throat constricted.

“Does he spit or swallow?” Danna’s eyes sparkled.

“Swallows every time,” Castiel patted Dean’s hand with the same look of pride on his face.

“You lucked out.  Dean’s a good catch.”

“Floor please swallow me,” Dean mumbled as he pressed his head to the table.

“Dean sex is natural and it is okay to share with close friends.  Danna and I talk about everything.  She helped me out with a lot things that I had forgotten.”

“Yeah sure.”

“Oh shit.  I was supposed to tell you to meet Charlie like five minutes ago,” Danna told Dean.

“Where?”

“She said just get on the coach and Taylor will take you there,” Danna smiled mischievously.

“Well I better get down there.”

“I’ve got to help out Julie but Castiel will be there with you.”

Dean eyed her as he stood and headed to the door.  Then he looked at Castiel and he was as stoic as ever.  Dean shook his head and they left.  They took the coach and Charlie waved a finger of disappointment.

“Sorry Danna forgot.  Not my fault.  You should have text me.”

“Just come on,” Charlie grabbed his arm.

“What’s goin’ on?  Why are we here?” Dean took in the strip mall and the empty corner location.

“Wait,” Charlie tugged him to the front of the entrance.

There was a giant tarp over the front of the store.  Charlie grinned as she went to the edge of the tarp and yanked it down.  In giant rainbow letters read, ‘Excelsior’, then underneath in blue lettering, ‘Comics. Novelty Items. Music. Food. Spirits’.

“Charlie what did you do?” Dean’s mouth dropped.

“I helped you get started toward your dream.  Because it’s a corner lot it has the best parking, a rear patio and two entrances.  Dean the patio is already set for you.  There’s a stage, it has the ability to be tented in case the weather is bad, access to the bar from outside and the way it’s set up it’s a bit detached from the retail area.  There’s some renovations that need to be done but we got a great deal and it’s yours,” Charlie jumped up and down, “well I guess technically it’s ours, ya know, since I am your resident nerd.  The back rooms are great.  Plenty of space for table tops.  They used to host birthday parties and all since it was a café ice cream parlor.”

“Charlie,” Dean swallowed hard but was still unable to stop the tears.

“Dean,” Charlie smiled gently at him.

Charlie hugged Dean and Castiel took a picture with his phone.

“How did you afford this?  I mean, the square feet alone is more than I make let alone the location.  It’s perfect.  It will get great foot traffic and it’s visible from the street.”

“We had an investor put up half.”

“I have a feeling that my future brother-in-law was involved,” Dean chuckled.

“Future brother-in-law?” Charlie immediately grabbed Castiel’s hand to check.

“Not yet,” Castiel smiled.

“Oh.  You two,” Charlie wagged her finger, “well lemme give you the grand tour.”

Charlie unlocked the front door and lead them through.  Castiel had already walked the floor before they purchased it.  He had made sure that it would not require too much work and was worth the cost.  He would never tell Dean that Gabriel had purchased the entire block to make sure he would not have to pay rent.  Dean teared up through each room and began to make plans as they walked.

“This is gorgeous.  I can’t wait,” Dean grinned as Charlie locked up.

“Here ya go.  These are your keys,” Charlie handed him the keys and told which ones unlocked what, “right now we don’t have an alarm system because there’s nothing in there.  They will come in and do the inspection from the city next Tuesday and once we get the clear from them we can start fixing ‘er up.  Once we start the renos then I’ll get the alarm people out here.”

“I can’t begin to even express,” Dean just grabbed her up again, kissed her cheek then put her back down, “you guys are so fuckin’ amazing.”

“We love you,” Charlie smiled.

 

Dean went to bed that night wrapped in Castiel’s arms and a clear mind.  Dean allowed, for the first time in years, himself to content.  He had not walked into Bassnectar with thoughts of staying and finding love but he had.  He had found a family.  Something he had not have for a decade or more.  Dean looked down at Castiel sleep on his chest and kissed his hair. 

<Who knew I’d fall in love?  I must have completed my penance.>

When he fell asleep he dreamed of Adam and Sam forgiving him and telling him how much they loved him.  Castiel was pleased that Dean managed to sleep through the night for the first time in months.

****

“That’s the last one,” Dean dropped the box into the living room, “we just need to return the truck.”

Castiel stood in the foyer and smiled as he took in his surroundings.  The house was not too big but it was big enough.  It was his and Dean’s and that was all that mattered to him.  They would start their new life as full time Bassnectar residents with property and a business once it opened in April.  Castiel felt relaxed, at ease and not paranoid.  He did not recognize what he felt but it familiar.  A stranger from his past.

“What’s up babe?” Dean put an arm around his shoulder.

“Dean,” Castiel looked up at him, “I think I’m happy.  Like really happy.  I do not feel stressed, worried or on edge.  I feel calm and collected.

“Oh baby,” Dean kissed him softly, “I’ve never heard more beautiful words.”

“Let’s return the truck.  If we miss dinner with the Singers we’ll be in trouble.”

“I do not want to hear Bobby’s mouth.”

They walked over to the truck.  Dean looked over at Danna’s house and smiled.  He was glad to have her up the street.  He pulled to door open on the truck then remembered.

“Oh shit hold on.  I forgot one thing.  Come on.”

“What is it?” Castiel got back out of the truck.

Dean scooped Castiel into his arms and carried him across the threshold.  Castiel giggled and kissed Dean’s cheek.  He put him down and kissed him then they went back to the truck.

“I was supposed to do that before we took in our stuff and I forgot.”

“We’re not married yet.”

“We’ll do it again next year.”

“Next year?” Castiel glanced at him as he started the truck.

“Yeah.  It gives you enough time to see if you can live with me.”

“I know I cannot live without you so I think we’ll be just fine.”

Dean pulled Castiel in for a kiss before they hit the road.  Their future was theirs for once and it would only get better.  He was in love, had a family and finally felt complete.  Dean and Castiel to the end of days.  And he was fine with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW! We made it to the end. Thank you guys for making it to end with me. You gave me your time and I appreciate it so much. You have been wonderful. Thank you for all your comments, kudos and love!
> 
> Thank you so much for hanging in there with D and Meya taking care of things while I was gone. As always I have more stories in the making and being posted. Stay tuned!


End file.
